What the hell has happened to me? (Infidelity)

[smackie9]

Well i have studied it in detail and their is a lot more scientific evidence that shows humans are in fact monogamous. I havnt studied the animal world in detail but humans-yes and i believe my conclusions are right.

Monogamy is not genetic, it's an ideal put forth by society and religious beliefs. There is scientific proof in archeological studies that show most ancient societies and in prehistoric times, polygamy was more in practice than monogamy.

[Traveler94]

Do they have self control during mating season?

Studies have shown that there are no monogamous animals.

Anyway.. back on topic: OP what will you do now?

Unfortunately, there's no way for me to completely avoid her, but even before this post I'd already resolved to minimize contact as much as possible, never be alone with her, and never drink when she's there. I won't see her again until mid-May anyway.

I obviously need to figure out other ways of dealing with the stress of travel. I looked into it but unfortunately my company is too small or our health care arrangements not generous nough to support something like a help line.

Michelle23, for the record I didn't intend for any of my post to come across as any sort of justification or excuse. I agree that what I did is inexcusable. I was simply trying to put all the information out there so I can figure out how I managed to fall into this horrible situation and ensure it never happens again.

I am unresolved as to whether to tell my wife or not. I can't see how I can possibly tell her about it while my travel is still ongoing. I realize that the job poses a hazard to my family, but I'm putting up with all this travel on the promise of a more reasonable schedule later this year and into the future.

[Wakeup]

Well, Op. What ever you decide to do, don't jump on her back and pull the feathers out of her head, that I think we'll all agree to.

[pcmaster]

I agree that what I did is inexcusable.

You are absolutly right ! What more can I say - you are emotional pussy.

Who cares you get blown off - you wanted it you got it ! Thats it be happy.

But dont cry like a bitch acting like a victim after your dick been sucked !

[michelle23]

It happened because you allowed it to OP. You wanted it to and it did. It wouldn't have spiralled out of control if you didn't allow it to. That night before you went there to be alone with her-you knew deep down something was going to happen and when it did-you didn't try to stop it. Before or even during you could have said to yourself "I have a wife" you cannot forget that even if pcmasters theory is true (which its not)

People don't slip on a banana skin and fall in between someones legs-its not a "mistake" its a decision. Your emotions lead you to that decision and you knew from day one-the very first time you met her-you wanted her and that should have forced you to avoid her as much as possible but you didn't. You choose to get all pally pally with her and you allowed that attraction to grow into developing some feelings etc.

In that moment you also allowed yourself to think "its okay as long as we don't have sex" which was your justification for it at the time. If you get away with this-I am 99% sure you will **** up again at some point and each time it will get easier and easier until you are having a full blown affair with her. Then you will slowly forget that you love your wife as each day passes until you no longer want her.

That is what happens when you cheat on your partner ^^ you are taking the love you have for her and giving it to someone else. Its how emotional affairs work and they are destructive.

[smackie9]

This guy doesn't need a lecture, he needs suggestions on how to make this right. I doubt very highly he will have another "mistake" again. Things like this can make a marriage even better than before, and I feel this is the direction he wants to take. You act like he cheated on you....give it a rest.

[michelle23]

No he asked why this happened. He said he doesnt understand. I am explaining-not giving a lecture. This sort of thing does not make a marriage better. Hell either live a lie for the rest of his life and pretend hes an honest person or hell tell the truth and if they stay together theyl never be happy again.

The truth hurts but i think its better to be honest than to lie to her face for the next ten years before he slips up and says the wrong thing one day by accident and she susses it out for herself

[pcmaster]

Thats sucks from both options, true or lies. I think its better to come back home and bang wife straight away until she pass out from orgasms. That way should be easier to get over it and wife wont have a doubts too.

[smackie9]

Michelle you posted pretty much the samething several times in this thread, continually saying how horrible of thing he did.

Anyways you are too young and have more to observe about life ahead of you. I know quite a few couples that have had to deal with minimal to very serious infidelity. It has made their marriages bond together even stronger. There is no stopping it, it happens because life happens, and you are kidding yourself that the potential won't be there in any of your relationships. It even took this guy by surprise.

Anyways learning from our mistakes is very powerful, and can be very useful to help us improve our lives. Bad things happen, oh well. It's what you learn from it, and hopefully it will guide you in the right direction.

[michelle23]

I no without a doubt if my partner cheats I am gone. I never said "it will never happen to me" It might but I know what I will do if it does.

On the surface you might think their marriages are all hunky dorey but you dont have a clue what their life is like behind closed doors.

I have seen enough stories to know it doesn't work. 10 years later they are still having issues in their relationship after it happens.

You might think "im too young to understand any of this" I dont agree with you. I know my own mind and my opinion is my opinion.

Why do you care if I grill the OP or not? He does deserve to suffer for what he has done. He had it all. He said himself how great his wife and family are and allowed himself to **** up over a little infatuation.

Im not sure if you really understand the type of pain infidelity causes or the scars it leaves smackie and that never goes away no matter how hard you "try" to forgive

[pcmaster]

Why do you care if I grill the OP or not? He does deserve to suffer for what he has done. He had it all. He said himself how great his wife and family are and allowed himself to **** up over a little infatuation.

Its easy to say bad things, but smacky actually saw that man is trying and feels sorry about his mistake, ready to putt the efford in to make it better.
After all people come here to share their pain and looks for understanding or guidance. Everyone is sensitive and if a person have told his story and said how he feels then its not nessesary to judge or abuse cause he done nothing to us. Only person who have rights to feel offended is his wife. Smackie is right "life happens" and its better to extract the best out of all situations, learn and strenghten your body from these life punches.

[michelle23]

well sorry im not so forgiving in these situations. I cant help that. It is how I feel about it. The way I see it is "he made his bed, lie in it" and karma should bite him on the ass.

Sorry if people dont like that but I really dont care. I feel very strongly on this topic and that will never change.

[Wakeup]

I think he understood the point the first time it was offered. I can understand continuing on in the same vein if he is making excuses for himself, but he's not. He's admitted that he's the dawg that he's been painted to be ad nauseum.

[michelle23]

haha wakeup you can be just as bad as me at times. Ill stop now though. I think I ranted enough.

[Wakeup]

Sure I can, i'm not denying that. Here's the difference now, in this thread: I do stop when the Op gets what i've been trying to say. Op admitted a long time ago that (even in the opening post) he's not done a good thing. He's not one of those people that come in here all hurt that their married lover won't leave their partner. I'm surprised I have to point that out, actually.