Free Pass

[Souqicho]

Hi, I am in a relationship for 8 years and my boyfriend said he wants a baby with me but he keeps saying that after he tells me he wants to see me do it with another man. I think that's his fetish. So I also gave him the free pass to do it with other women. Are there other relationships like this? I just wish I just have one man as sex partner and one man as the emotional partner.

[basilandthyme]

yes, there are relationships where the man and woman are only with each other. This is "normal" for most of us.

You do not have to give him a free pass for another woman. And you have the absolute right to find a man who doesn't want to share you. I strongly suggest you reconsider before having a child with him. I think you can do better.

[michelle23]

If you are not happy with this "arrangement" you should break up. Doing something you dont want just so you can stay together and have a baby is irrational and you will probably regret it. It is not fair to plan to bring a child into a relationship unless it is solid and you have no issues.

However if you are happy to let him sleep around and for you to do the same and dont think it will cause any issues between you or affect your relationship-then that is your choice.

If you do decide to have an open relationship-you still have to have some ground rules and boundaries. You could get pregnant with someone else, he could get someone else pregnant, one of you could catch an sti/std/virus and give it to the other, one of you could fall in love with someone else and leave. Its messy and complicated and there has to be rules.

Personally I believe if you really love someone-its normal to be possessive over them to a certain extent and I think open relationships are about convenience and not about love. If my partner asked me to have sex with someone else Id honestly think there is no way he could possibly love me if he wants me to do that.

Its your decision. Best of luck

[Valixy]

There is right and wrong in life, there is love and lack of love. If he can't distinguish anymore between them to such an extent, then he has serious problems and you'll have to make this discrimination for yourself and show that you've still got some strength and self-respect. You are not the sexual slave of a man who has lost his north, you are a woman that should know when beyond any doubt she needs to walk away.

[Wakeup]

Hi, I am in a relationship for 8 years and my boyfriend said he wants a baby with me but he keeps saying that after he tells me he wants to see me do it with another man. I think that's his fetish. So I also gave him the free pass to do it with other women. Are there other relationships like this? I just wish I just have one man as sex partner and one man as the emotional partner.

If you wish that, then pray tell why the fk you agreed to be in an open relationship? Please DO NOT have a child with this man until he actually commits to you. The least you should do FOR YOURSELF is to make sure you and your child will be properly secure with this man you lower yourself for.

On second thought. Just break up with him and find someone who you're actually happy with. A man that wants the same things you do... one sex partner.

Do you not have enough strength or enough love for yourself to tell someone that what they want doesn't work for you?

[Souqicho]

Thank you very much for your advices, they have help me put things into perspective. Probably I have been very understanding with him because in reality, men's sexual urges are greater than the women's. Men can still have sexual urges until they are in their 80's while women tend to mellow. I don't want to deprive him of something that I could not provide. But we do connect emotionally and I love him so much that is why I am still with him all these years.

[Valixy]

Yes, Souqicho, people have sexual urges, selfishness, agressivness, etc., but they learn to apply self-control and to channel their energy positively. It's called personal evolution. He is choosing the path of least resistance and the worst of all is that he wants to drag you too. Is this what love means to you, letting yourself manipulated to the extent that you don't know who you are as a person anymore but the walking shadow of his selfishness and lack of control? This relationship must be very traumatising for you and you need to break free. You are not being loved, you are being brainwashed by a man who is losing control of himself.