Me and my friend have feelings for each other but big problems

[michelle23]

Ask yourself do you really want a woman that is this weak? That she cant end an unhappy relationship and instead prefers to find herself a plan B or a number 2 until she can work up the courage to leave him?

She will just do the same thing to you as soon as your relationship hits a rough patch or life gets a little hard..

[st66]

Thanks again for people's help and advice, I'm going to take it all on board and try to change things to see how things go.

[st66]

Well I went into this weekend with the mindset of trying to cut contact but was a lot harder than I though, she was very forth coming with wanting to see me this weekend and made quite a bit of effort.
She was in a race on Sunday which she wanted me to go and support her with, want to come over after work Saturday for a cuppa (I was out so said no), we spend most of the day together yesterday after her race, I work at a local football club so she came and met me there while I was on the bar etc then went home had take away etc. Silly things like doing my washing up (I kept putting it off lol) had one of my jumpers on while watching tv tv all these things that I know are wrong for two 'friends' to do but it's so hard to ignore the feelings and stop it so quickly.
I am aware I must sound like a right idiot (please don't tell me that to many times) but it really is impossible to stop all this straight away. and I am seeing a councillor for other problems (physical issues) and have asked if we can talk about all this as well.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It is not impossible. You just lack conviction and fortitude.

[st66]

Yeah I admit I lack those qualities sometimes and am trying to find them
It does help when after being text for most of the day yesterday while she was out shopping, favouriting tweets of mine to the see her put hearts etc on the boyfriends wall on FB. I know these are silly things but all help to make me try and forget about it all, doesn't make it any easier though

[MrProblem]

She seems like a good companion for you but with too much baggage. It'll be quite hard to make it work. Does it not absolutely kill you that when she leaves you, she goes back to her boyfriend?

If trying to cut contact isn't working for you because of her reluctance to keep seeing you, how about giving her an ultimatum. State your feelings, desires and needs. Take a bit of control of the situation and don't get walked over. Could be the thing she needs to finally sway her affection to you. Or it could 'backfire' and nothing will come from it in which case you'll have a few horrible months getting over her. But that short term pain beats being strung along.

Good luck mate.

MrP

[st66]

Oh I feel awful when she goes back to him, he works and lives away so is only home every other week but still awful

I have told her everything about how I feel and what I want and also know how she feels about me, she has feelings for me and knows part of her thinks she should be with me. We have been so close for a long time and when he was away last year she developed feelings for me (I think they were there before that) but never told anyone as it was wrong, she told me this when I opened up to here at the end of last year when they were split up.She does want to be with him but there is a big part of her that knows things aren't right but won't do anything because of the trouble it would cause, he didn't leave her alone for a single day while they split up last year for the 6 months and would be even worse this time. Even if they did split up I couldn't act on anything for a long time because he is a friend although not that close anymore at all. Only a few weeks ago we were all out together and she told me she loved me and as I wasn't listening to her with regard to a clothes issue she said when I'm hers I'd listen. I pulled her up on it and she knew what she had said and even though she meant it she admitted she prob shouldn't of said it.
So it's a very very difficult situation and very hard to figure out what to do because before all this we were very good friends.

[st66]

No contact yesterday at all, first time in a long time, feel really crappy about it but at least it's a start!

[MrProblem]

Chin up fella! Keep yourself occupied.

[st66]

Yeah that's what I'm trying to do mate.
I have other problems that I am trying to get sorted through seeing a councilor which involve worry, anxiety etc and because of that I suffer a lot of worrying and one of the worries is if I have upset anyone due to anything I might of done so it's very difficult to not think that I have upset her in anyway. Sounds silly but with that, mild OCD I am being treated for etc it all plays on my mind a lot

[jamie11]

STOP THAT! You are making a fool and a doormat of yourself. Don’t be the person who will readily catch her fall. Obviously she doesn’t want to break up with the guy and having you around seemed like an emotional comfort blanket for her.

[st66]

Right well I went into the weekend with the no contact mindset mainly because the boyfriend was home this weekend.
She was texting me while at work on the Friday and Saturday, I was replying but trying not to be to chatty as knew as soon as she finished work she would stop reply which she did.
Then last night she called me and on her way home wanting to come over (the boyfriend had gone back by then), which caught me off guard so said I was about she she came round for a cuppa etc, same old same old went straight for some socks to wear and later one of my hoodys, watched a couple of TV programs we both like to watch, all felt a bit awkward from both sides for some reason then she went home.
So it didn't work this weekend and is getting even harder to know how to go about it, I think I need to talk to her because it will be rude tojust stop replying and cut her off ike that, but I know the conversation will cause more problems. I know I still sounds stupid but I am just trying to get my situation across
My councillor (for other problems) has suggested I go and speak to a relationship councillor which I will do soon, she said we should both go but that would

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Now, this is just funny. "It will be rude.."

Grow some balls.

[michelle23]

oh for gaws sake. Stop thinking with your heart. Use your head. She has a bf-shes using you as an emotional tampon. Shes gonna hurt both of you. Why do you want to be second best? Are you hoping shell eventually dump him for you? And what if she does? Will you ever trust her?

I agree with backup. Grow a pair of balls and go find a real girlfriend. You know-one who you can do all these lovely little "friends" things with whilst also getting some action? Or do you prefer being her male girlfriend?

[smackie9]

You don't need a relationship counselor, you just need to move the f uck on. She can't give you what you want, so what part of that you don't understand?