Ex Stayed Over?!

[Confusion86]

So we had been casually texting on and off for a wile, she was drunken tellin me stuff and vice versa! But she has always tuk it bk the next day and said she wants to be friends...
Anyway...she ended up coming to meet me to come somwere with me and i cooked her tea before we went.
When she arrived we got along fine chatting, catching up; i cooked her tea we had a bit of banter while cooking it, bit of play fighting, mocking etc...
We then went somewere and we spoke about everything; she asked me did i miss her? why cuidnt i look her in te eyes haha, we also spoke about r rship like remember this etc...on r way bk while waiting for the train my hand was cold and she held it too warm it up under her coat?! (dont know if im readin too much into that)
Then when on the train she lay her head on my shoulder...we spoke all the way home i then asked if she wanted to come back for a drink, she said she was too tred then when we got off the train she said, "I will come yours and can i stay over"
We went back to mine with a bottle of wine, drank it, chatted, banter, listened to music and told eachother of songs that reminded us of one another...also we figured we had both been listening to the same depressing music hahaha we had a laff and flirted a bit (i think)????
We then went to bed, before i turned the light off she said giz a kiss it was only a pec tho, and then she askd was i snuggling in...and we spooned, while holding hands and slept lik that all night it was soooo nice to have her in my arms again (see i dont know if im reading into things too much?)
She rang into work sick at lik 7am and we stayed in bed and then got up and she cooked breakfast, when she left we just hugged and a kiss on cheek...
Nohing happened when she stayed over like but am i readin into things too much, what do you think she wants or is doing? I am so confused?????
What should my next steps be???
Please any help or advice would be great!

[Heart Healer]

Hi Confusion86,

Well as of now there is nothing that you can do. She has clearly stated in her words that she is right now not interested in being in a relationship with you. She stayed with you because she met you after a long time and because you guys recollected your old memories which she might have liked and so thought of staying with you.

My honest advice to you would be to wait for some more time and see if things turn out in your favor. She might be checking on you for a while. Since you guys broke up once, please try to understand its not easy for her to build her trust on you again because heart breaking involves emotions.

So, wait for sometime until she says anything to you. Try to give her space and freedom to make her own decisions. Its good to see that you still feel for her.
Just be what you are with her, love might be knocking at your door again. Have some patience.

[Woods]

Ask her. If she gives you the whole oh no lets be friends nonsense again then you know she's not serious and it's best to cut her out completely. Or else she will keep you dangling on a string. Exes don't spoon, kiss or hold hands, she was flirting... that shit is just confusing and she must know it. Do you want her back? If you do then tell her. Just make sure that you've resolved why you split up first. It's very easy to get caught in the moment when you meet up and reminisce...and forget of all the reasons you shouldn't be together.

[Confusion86]

hi, thanks for the reply...yes i know she stated she just wanted to be friends but why would she stay over etc...am i reading too much into things do you think? Shes very guarded and really hard to read, and i the last thing i was expecting was for her to stay over...im always the one texting her etc tho, im always initiating...i still love her so much and that night confirmed this! I just dont understand if you wanna be friends and after 6 months of on and off NC etc...why she would stay, kiss me (peck) spoon with me...she knows how i feel about her too as i told her not long ago! We txtd eachother drunk and she said she missed me everyday, wanted me in her life, and was happy i had moved and met someone else (which i hadnt and told her so) i replied with similar stuff and said i still loved her, and she said she cant love me...this was all before a few weekends ago, then the next day she said id took it all the wrong way and she didnt mean it in that way....OMG see how confusing this woman is hahaha, but im still holding on for her 6 months later because i love her...x

[Heart Healer]

Hi Dear Friend,

Now see, you yourself has created this gap. By telling her that you have moved on and found someone else, you have given her a reason to hold her feelings onto her and restrict herself from falling in love with you again and confessing it.

She said all this, when she was drunk and as far as I know, a person says nothing but the truth when he is down. So, if you really want her back in your life, talk to her and tell her that you are not engaged with someone and that you genuinely want her back in your life and all that you told her was out of agony and jealously. Accept the truth for your better. There is no point in lieing about things which are completely false.
Dear, try to understand, you will find everything but not a true loving partner and if you have got one, put in the best of your efforts to get her back. She really loves you alot and I don't think so there are any hidden intentions of her staying over with you.

I hope you understand my word.

[Wakeup]

another stupid move - sleeping in the same bed with a chick where you don't yet know where you stand or what you actually mean to one another. dumb, dumb, dumb move.

"she tuk (sic) it back and said she just wanted to be friends." Tell me confusion86, do you sleep with and cuddle with your male friends too? If you don't, then why would you do it with your female ones? No wonder you're "confusion"

yes i know she stated she just wanted to be friends but why would she stay over etc...

Two reasons that I suspect is that one, she'll screw you but doesn't want a relationship or she just wants you to be her real live teddy bear, male girlfriend that will suck the emotional response her closeness brings out in you like a sucubus.

Women like her are best left to their own bed or, yours only if you're in a relationship of the adult kind.

[Confusion86]

Hi
I think you mis understood my message I HAVE NOT MOVED ON AND HAVE NOT MET ANYONE ELSE, and i told her this...i told her i hadnt!
I understand people "tell the truth" when there drunk thats why all these things are running through my head...but when shes sober, her guard goes up and shes cold and distant, as in im always the one texting her asking her to meer etc...!
Why wont she admit her feelings back to me? Were do i go and how do i handle this situation from here, she knows how i feel about her and she knows id take her back in a second...ive been making efforts since we broke up, but now really dont know what to say or do after she stayed over?
x

[Confusion86]

Yes i understand that me sleeping in the same bed with her was a dumb ass move but nothing happened we just spooned and i miss her so much i coudlnt say NO.
Nither of us have seen other people since we split up we both told eachother this the other night, it was just like old times, we both said the next day we had a gud night but thats as far as the convo has gone regarding it...x

[Wakeup]

"but nothing happened" That's the effing problem dude. You shouldn't be having girls in your bed that you're not already doing. It just leaves you confused and having to write threads in forums to ask total strangers wtf is going on in her head.

Keep her out of your bed until you've established where you stand. And, if where you stand is not having a sexual, adult relationship with her in some dynamic.... then plan on NEVER sleeping with her and being her human teddy bear, cuddle bitch, emotional tampon. You're going to end up (if you're not already there) on the friends ladder and if you end up there, you'll never crawl out of that pit.

Find out whats going on as far as getting back together or NOT from HER that means having an adult discussion with her and then go from there so that you can stop being confusion86 and you can change your screen name to Livinginclarity. if she still says "I just want to be friends" then ask her does she mean platonic or with benefits. Then you can decide whatever the answer is if it will be good enough for YOU.

[Heart Healer]

Hi
I think you mis understood my message I HAVE NOT MOVED ON AND HAVE NOT MET ANYONE ELSE, and i told her this...i told her i hadnt!
I understand people "tell the truth" when there drunk thats why all these things are running through my head...but when shes sober, her guard goes up and shes cold and distant, as in im always the one texting her asking her to meer etc...!
Why wont she admit her feelings back to me? Were do i go and how do i handle this situation from here, she knows how i feel about her and she knows id take her back in a second...ive been making efforts since we broke up, but now really dont know what to say or do after she stayed over?
x

Well, then I believe you should wait for some more time. Its really difficult to know girls sometimes. You you want to talk to her, you can do it anytime. But from every move of her it seems she still loves you but not sure of starting a relationship all over again considering her past with you.

Give her sometime to make up her mind and come back to you with a firm understanding.
As of now, just cherish the moments you spend with her and just be good friends with her. If things gonna work out, they will. Love is very unpredictable. It comes when you least need it and leaves you when you need it the most. So, just let the things happen naturally.

[FlaCooln]

LOL at "cuddle bitch." Too funny.

I am trying to think if I have ever just spooned with someone and cuddled without going for more and I can only think of one time. She was super drunk (had a party at my house), was a friend of friend, and I didn't find her attractive. I offered her my bed and for me to sleep on the couch, but she said no she would sleep next to me.

Case in point.... if I find a woman attractive and she is cuddling with me, I am going to get touchy feely, and that is going to lead somewhere. Rule #1 if you are a woman and you are in my bed don't plan on cuddling and sleeping until after sex.

[Wakeup]

^^^ and how it should be. Ladies, stay out of a guys bed unless you're ready and willing to have a go. Keep in mind that if you want an actual relationship then you best define what you're about to do is going to mean so that you're not on here the next day saying "I had sex with him and now he's not calling me anymore."

[Wakeup]

Well, then I believe you should wait for some more time. Its really difficult to know girls sometimes. You you want to talk to her, you can do it anytime. But from every move of her it seems she still loves you but not sure of starting a relationship all over again considering her past with you.

Give her sometime to make up her mind and come back to you with a firm understanding.
As of now, just cherish the moments you spend with her and just be good friends with her. If things gonna work out, they will. Love is very unpredictable. It comes when you least need it and leaves you when you need it the most. So, just let the things happen naturally.

And IMO, doing this is a sure fire way for you to continue to be confused while you give her your heart without knowing where you stand. This is someone you've already been hanging with long enough who is giving you mixed (up) signals.. so just spell it out what you want and if she's not interested in that, well then distance yourself emotionally and physically if that is what it is going to take for you to get over her and her half-assed affection(s).

[BackUpOrGetStng]

^^^I agree. Heart Healer, you should stab yourself in the jugular. Twat.

Confusion, you're probably beyond help, but if you think you want to grow some balls, I'll tell you how. You're best option may also be to stab yourself in the jugular though.

[Confusion86]

For all you giving me advice thank you, for all of you laffing at me dont bother writing!
I now know were i stand, i asked did she feel anyfing between us that night, her answer was no, not in that way, she was just being mates appratnly, and she dosent feel for me in that way anymore and never will...shes put her feelings to back of her head and now there gone! End of!!! So i duno what the spoonign etc... was all about tbh honest, but as far as i can see its friends or nothing xx