Heavy Hearted Decision--intense subject matter

[Starnique]

Well, I asked a family member of mine that works for the dept of Social Services here, just to get a correct answer. She told me that there are way more children in foster care that are waiting to be adopted. I was then given this website which you can check out for yourself.

http://www.adoptamericanetwork.org/waiting-children/

That's in the US.

I dont know where the OP is and even if I did it wouldn't change my opinion. What is so bad about her situation that she should pass off the responsibility? I just don't see why two educated, stable adults cant love, raise and look after their own children. They can sit down and work thru their problems. You just look and see all those other kids who really need it. Just because you're a single parent isn't the end of the world. Its what you make of it. If a person keeps laying up having them, then yes it will be hard and selfish and dumb on their part. The baby wont be lacking anything if they both do their parts in the childs life.

[HeartIsAching]

Ahhh... *sniff*

Just smell the dripping naivete.

[Starnique]

And? What's your point?

If everyone handles their issues the adult way instead of the cowardly way then it would work.

[HeartIsAching]

You amuse me.

[Starnique]

Why? Why is that? I'm right and you know it too.

[basilandthyme]

Starnique, the OP is in Canada. See that little red and white flag with the maple leaf on it under her name? That's a Canadian flag.

I only point this out so that you can consider differences between countries before you go stating 'facts' such as there being too many babies for adoption.

[IndiReloaded]

There's nothing wrong with abortion from an objective POV. If you are morally okay with it, that is. Less traumatic on your body and, frankly, there are plenty of children needing a good home there is no need to add another to this overpopulated rock.

I agree with the general consensus that you shouldn't be trying to raise this child as a couple. Quality of life >> quantity.

my $0.05 fwiw. Good luck.

[Starnique]

And?

Go back and read your reply to my post. I responded to your question. You asked was it the same in US and Canada? I was generally speaking.

That's still not going to change my opinion and I also said I didn't care where she was at. Rather it be Canada, US or Italy. Based off her circumstance, I still would feel the same way.

So thanks for the info on the flag. Not that it changed my opinion or the fact of me not caring.

[IndiReloaded]

I won't get into the spiritual or religious realm but consider that strictly speaking science states that life begins at conception.

Speaking as a scientist, this^ post is BS. If you want to get technical, "life" begins *before* conception. Every time a guy ejaculates or a woman has a period, we are ending 'life' (i.e. killing cells).

The only argument against abortion is a religious/spiritual one. There is nothing wrong with that, but it's certainly not one that everyone holds, nor needs to.

[jamie11]

Put the child up for adoption. This is not a religious opinion but aborting the baby robs him of the chance to know a good life. Plus you might be able to help a childless couple.

[michelle23]

OP you say you love each other? You have a lot of history? Do you think relationship counselling could help you to have a solid relationship? Its like you cant stay away from each other anyway. If you want to have this baby then I think you should both try to make your relationship work.

On the other hand-this on/off, casual sex thing you have going on with him is destructive and youll never fully get over each other if you dont stop all contact with him. If you cannot be together, cant have a healthy relationship-then you need to kick him out of your life so you can get over him and move on. That is the only way to withdraw from him.

I dont think adoption is a good idea. It will absolutely break your heart to give the baby up after giving birth. However an abortion could also be quite painful so I think counselling is the best thing you can do to help you make your decision.

Personally if I were you-I would tell him to leave me alone until the baby is born-no contact at all so you can get over him and then when you have the child you can arrange access that suits you both so he can bond with the baby too but you and he can keep contact to a minimum so you don't have to spend time together. You wont be a single mum forever. Youll meet someone else that you can have a real relationship with and be happy and so will he. I know its not ideal and its difficult to bring a child into this situation but its all or nothing. You cannot continue to sleep with him even though your not together-that would be too confusing for your child.

Either make the relationship work and both grow up or have no contact.

[Wakeup]

Starnique, the OP is in Canada. See that little red and white flag with the maple leaf on it under her name? That's a Canadian flag.

I only point this out so that you can consider differences between countries before you go stating 'facts' such as there being too many babies for adoption.

There's too many here waiting to be adopted, being raised by foster parents and currently wards of childrens aid because they've been removed from abusive, neglectful parents as well. Unwanted pregnancies and single motherhood is not unique.

*Thanks Indi for post #24. I'd hate to see Op base her decision on BS.*

[HeartIsAching]

I can't speak for Canada, but it's the same here - unless it's an infant. Infants get adopted readily. Private adoptions arranged before the baby is born happen a lot.

[michelle23]

jeez people. its not the OP's fault the world is overpopulated. will you guys stop making people feel bad for getting regnant. it can happen to anyone. even people who are extremely careful with birth control still get caught pregnany sometimes.

its not the end of the world. its a baby. worse things happen.

OP do what you feel is the right decsion for you but its his baby too and he should be involved and supportive of whatever decision you make. the fact he wants you to have this child is telling me he loves you and sees a future one day. sit down and have a proper talk with him about what you both want.

[Wakeup]

Jeez Michelle, no one is TRYING to make the op feel bad. We're giving our opinion and our thoughts on what we as individual think she should do SINCE SHE ASKED... Please don't try to make us feel bad for doing what she asked And, this out as if it was a mistake by someone that was being cautious and taking the right path when having casual sexual relations in their on again, off again dynamic. The Op had unprotected sex without being on alternate birthcontrol with someone who she wasn't in a committed relationship with. This and any decision she finally ends up making could have been avoided simply by being smart and more responsible. This was not a just a matter of her "getting caught while on birth control"

She can do what she ultimately decides to do but for goodness sakes, learn the lesson so that these types of decision need not be.

we hooked up, without protection and I ended up becoming pregnant.

This was the last thing either of us wanted.