Gf txting ex, help/opinions wanted...

[anthonystewart]

Been with my gf just over 1 year, good serious relationship.

2nyt i was at her house and i decided to look through her phone when she was out of the room,

over the past week she has been talking to her ex bf nearly every day ((she had his number saved as "mum old" 2 avoid detection)) (3 year relationship, split up about 6 months before i met her) the messages wasnt sexual or arranging to meet they were more him saying he missed her etc but she was txting him all the way through the days sending him pictures of her dinner etc and telling him what shopping she was doing, telling him her bday was coming up, asking him what he was doing that night (she was also txting me similar kind of messages that day) he also sent her old pictures of them 2 together she would replied something like awwww have u anymore and told him she had some of them on 2 together saved on her laptop..

i confronted her straight away, she was begging saying crying sorry etc he doesnt leave me alone, i was going to tell you. i was mad but stayed calm, got my clothes on, told her its over and left.

she has been non stop txting saying she loves me, she doesnt want 2 break up, im her world, she wants 2 be with me, hes nothing to her etc iv hardly replied and when i have iv just told her were done.


Want are your opinions and what would you do?

my problem is i think im in love with her, i pretty certain she would never cheat but im hurt by her doing this and i think its very cheeky and disrespectful.

is there something i should break up with her over?

Should i meet with her and see what she has to say? what should i say to her??


Thank you for reading, help and opinions appreciated.

[Ann S]

You two need to have a conversation about what is acceptable in your relationship! Also, you need to have agreements about what is, "OK," and what is NOT, "OK." For example, it is NOT OK that she is texting her ex at all! Also, I'm concerned that your GF did this behind your back. And, BtW, you shouldn't have snooped, but now that you did, you two get to have an agreement about snooping! This is a great example of the lack of conversations folks have about structuring their relationships - what is, "OK," and what is NOT, "OK." Relationships are so much easier if we don't just, "fly by the seat of our pants."

What to say? You both owe an apology: you for being a first class snoop, and her for being sneaky and not transparent in your relationship.
I do acknowledge you for having boundaries - you left and stated, "this is NOT OK!" Good for you.....now see if together you can save this relationship. Ann

[Wakeup]

... and I think you're rather the cut off your nose to spite your face type who acts on impulse. Stop breaking up with someone before allowing them to explain themselves (particularily if you love them) what you did was totally immature.

It sounds like she's willing to stop all contact and apply a personal relationship boundary along with you which is that neither of you will be texting or hanging with ex's behind the other's back.

Learn to freaking communicate and if aftter communicating you're not going to be getting what you want to be able to be happy, then break up with someone.

Talk to her. You're lucky because she's either too young/naive or she's dumb enough not to tell you to get lost but before you do that, first take the stick outta your ass.

There's nothing wrong with having deal breakers in your relationship but you have to make sure your SO knows what the hell yours are before you punish her for crossing them.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Anthony, you did the right thing. If you're thinking twice about it now, maybe give her another chance, but do you really trust her?

Wakeup, I'm shocked. You don't think she should know that sweet texts with the ex are a potential deal breaker??

[overanxious]

some advice....even if its not healthy...dont ever breakup or threaten to break up with someone you love unless you mean it

my ex was in contact via text with her previous bf....but i saw most of them and, unless she was deleting some of them, what i saw was mostly harmless....i understand they lived together and were together....so i sort of got it....its not a huge crime to be friends with an ex i dont think if you can handle it

[Heart Healer]

HI There,

You need to understand, mistakes are committed by human. She loved someone long before she met you. But certainly this doesn't mean that she loves you not. By your love and care, you have made a different place in her heart and she genuinely loves you.

She was doing all this because its natural. Obviously, how so ever apart she is from her ex, she will never forget him and if you are expecting anything like that, you are mistaken. But yes, this small issue is not a reason for you to break off. Instead, being a genuine boyfriend and serious lover, give your girl a chance. Try to overlook few issues in life. Forgive her once and ask her to make a promise to you and to herself that in future, she will never do anything of that sort again. And if she does, then you certainly will break off from her without even re-considering it once.

But, I believe right now you can give her another chance. She is your girlfriend and soon will be your wife. Don't be so hard like rock. Melt down a bit. She is accepting she did a mistake. She could have had easily told you a neatly made story, but she stood honest. So, don't punish her for her honesty and try to develop your trust in her once again.

Remember, its very difficult to find true love.
Also, if you have serious issues with her ex, you can call him up and ask him to stay away from your girl because at no cost, you would let her slip off your hands.

[Wakeup]

Where does it say she was exchanging "sweet texts" which implies they were more then what they actually were? Her ex was fishing but (according to what the op wrote, she wasn't biting). Besides, my point (as you know, brat) is that he should speak to her about what is and isn't acceptable and if he's going to break up then don't be wondering if he should go back to her. Doing that is emotional abusive to who he is breaking up with.

[HeartIsAching]

... and I think you're rather the cut off your nose to spite your face type who acts on impulse. Stop breaking up with someone before allowing them to explain themselves (particularily if you love them) what you did was totally immature.

It sounds like she's willing to stop all contact and apply a personal relationship boundary along with you which is that neither of you will be texting or hanging with ex's behind the other's back.

Learn to freaking communicate and if aftter communicating you're not going to be getting what you want to be able to be happy, then break up with someone.

Talk to her. You're lucky because she's either too young/naive or she's dumb enough not to tell you to get lost but before you do that, first take the stick outta your ass.

There's nothing wrong with having deal breakers in your relationship but you have to make sure your SO knows what the hell yours are before you punish her for crossing them.

Mostly true, I think - though she should and did know that it was a boundary that shouldn't be crossed, hence her disguising the number as her mother's old number.

However, I'd be willing to bet given the tone of their conversation that she was thinking "friends" and he was thinking "I can make more of this."

I don't believe that he won't leave her alone and keeps texting - that's total BS. She was texting him back, with mundane stuff and asking him questions.

But yeah the OP was definitely premature in breaking up with her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

..she was txting him all the way through the days sending him pictures of her dinner etc and telling him what shopping she was doing, telling him her bday was coming up, asking him what he was doing that night (she was also txting me similar kind of messages that day) he also sent her old pictures of them 2 together she would replied something like awwww have u anymore and told him she had some of them on 2 together saved on her laptop.."

None of that sounds sweet to you?

[Wakeup]

... No! ... "Sending her pictures of the dinner she cooked. lolzzz

[Wakeup]

Also, if you have serious issues with her ex, you can call him up and ask him to stay away from your girl because at no cost, you would let her slip off your hands.

Now that's what I call controlling and inappropriate. It's up to her to shut him down, not the OP.

[overanxious]

HI There,

You need to understand, mistakes are committed by human. She loved someone long before she met you. But certainly this doesn't mean that she loves you not. By your love and care, you have made a different place in her heart and she genuinely loves you.

She was doing all this because its natural. Obviously, how so ever apart she is from her ex, she will never forget him and if you are expecting anything like that, you are mistaken. But yes, this small issue is not a reason for you to break off. Instead, being a genuine boyfriend and serious lover, give your girl a chance. Try to overlook few issues in life. Forgive her once and ask her to make a promise to you and to herself that in future, she will never do anything of that sort again. And if she does, then you certainly will break off from her without even re-considering it once.

But, I believe right now you can give her another chance. She is your girlfriend and soon will be your wife. Don't be so hard like rock. Melt down a bit. She is accepting she did a mistake. She could have had easily told you a neatly made story, but she stood honest. So, don't punish her for her honesty and try to develop your trust in her once again.

Remember, its very difficult to find true love.
Also, if you have serious issues with her ex, you can call him up and ask him to stay away from your girl because at no cost, you would let her slip off your hands.

good advice here....

ill say this...me and my ex were so rocky late in our relationship....and im angry as hell at her....at the same time maybe i realize she was just the smarter one....because she was the one to admit that it wasnt working while i was still trying because i loved her(i threatned to break up with her over a dozen times)....but she started seeking out a new relationship before we were actually over(not phsyical but phone contact with her brothers friend) and so he was there to pick her right up when i wasnt.....and i realize alot of it stemmed from her previous bf kind of ending it unexpectedly and she was depressed.......i dont think she wanted that feeling again....it pisses me off and breaks my heart to know that she did that(which she denied and denied)....but i almost understand it......just wanted to be treated with some loyalty and respect...although she probably doesnt feel I deserved that since i threatned to breakup with her alot and she wouldnt have done that to me.......but a little honesty and respect would have gone along way to keeping us friends which she said she wanted(she just wouldnt admit to it to protect her perfect image of herself she portrays to the rest of the world)

one time we actually walked into a restaurant/bar and her ex was there.....it was a huge suprise....she saw him and said "we have to go....hes here"....and i was kind of pissed about it....cause i would have sat down and had a drink or two and it would have been cool with me.....she shuffled us out and waved cause they had noticed each other...he even texted her "come have a drink"........but thats how she operates...plus she was hiding a lie about how/why they broke up.......me and my ex and her new bf were in the same building(a celtics game) and i noticed her....but didnt go over because i didnt want to ruin their evening(even though i hated her for it and i should have)...i just texted her "ha i just saw you)....it i had she probably would have run away....she likes to act like her previous bf doesnt really physically exist...it scares her to death to have an ex and a bf meet face to face

i like to think that even though things got nasty and we dont talk she still thinks of me on occasion....i saw a pic of her months ago wearing an old t shirt of mine that she always wore to bed and was her fave.....

[BackUpOrGetStng]

... No! ... "Sending her pictures of the dinner she cooked. lolzzz

She's got the guy in her phone as her mom. She's talking to him, at length, everyday. I'm not saying that its cheating or that he should have dumped her, but I don't think he's immature for doing so.

[Wakeup]

I don't really care what she's got. Dude broke up with her without even discussing relationship boundaries and now he's wanting her back. He's a waffling mess who should learn to use his words and think before acting.

Bottomline: Stick with his plan since you're convinced she' a coniving cunt or go back to her and implement some basic relationship boundaries that neither one of them will cross. No skin off my nose either way.

[anthonystewart]

Hi people, thank you for the responses.

i would just like 2 add more details that maybe i should have included in the 1st post,

while we have been 2geva iv had the same mobile number i had b4 we met, ex gfs of mine have txtd me iv told her and shown her, she wasnt happy 1 bit so i told her i would get a new phone and number which i have done this week, also it was her bday last week, i got her what she wanted and spoilt her very much, why im so mad is the fact while iv been saying sorry about exs trying 2 get in contact with me and theres nothing i can do besides get a new number and because im committed to her i have, while im running around buying all her bday gifts etc shes having similar conversations with her ex bf like shes having with me.. at nyt saying night with a love heart and a kiss like she does 2 me etc..

im confused, theres nothing more i could do to be a better bf, she always says shes so happy with me, never been this happy etc..

okay in the messages she wasnt saying anything 2 bad like she missing him nothing like that but not once did she say shes got a bf and shes happy... how hard would have been for her to say dont msg me cos shes knows it not right!

theres no need for her 2 speak 2 him everyday is there? i think they may have been speaking on the phone aswel.

it could have been going on over a year i dont know.

i just think shes gone to far staying in contact with the guy so much, maybe a few messages i wouldnt have been so mad but when there communicating all day i just think its totally unacceptable and i really cant see at the moment how i can let her do it and 4give her, after id change my number etc and the time she was still talking to her ex... im hurt confused and feel very disrespected. im 26 shes 22, shes has tried contacting me 2day and iv ignored her as i want time 2 think things over.. please more feedback!!!