no advances from girlfriend

[HeartIsAching]

I'll give you one guess at what I think.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Dump the bitch.

[searock]

Try anal sex - she might last longer than 30 sec. Heres guide how to convince her
youtube.com/watch?v=qsxob6KJghA

These guys sound like high school kids, maturity-wise. And they think that girls think like guys... fail!

[pcmaster]

Whats wrong with the guide? Can you give better suggestions than they?

[onesexyblonde]

I listend to that guide and I thout if was decent! They did sound very high school but I liked it!

[searock]

Whats wrong with the guide? Can you give better suggestions than they?

Well as a girl, I can say that "not making her orgasm unless she gives you anal sex" is not a good way to convince a girl to have anal sex. That's how a GUY thinks: one of the most important thing for a guy that is having sex is to reach orgasm (otherwise it's just bad sex and it will give him blue balls, not to mention the psychological implications), so obviously he would be more inclined to do whatever it takes in order to reach it. But it's not the same for a woman. For us, reaching orgasm is great and desirable, but not making us reach it is just not going to work as leverage to get us to do something that we didn't want to do in the first place (there may be exceptions of course): if anything, it will just make us annoyed and frustrated, and unwilling to have sex with you again.

I agree with the suggestion to not ask for it, just do it. If she is into it, she will appreciate the initiative - she might even realize that she is into it only after you take the initiative. But if she isn't, there's nothing to be done: pressuring or trying to manipulate her into it will just backfire.

[LoveBunny]

WOW. Just....wow. I would never dream of leaving my husband hanging sexually like that. That's so messed up. Could be she just doesn't understand how upsetting this is to you because you aren't properly conveying it. You NEED to have a serious chat with her.


Tell her how you have needs too and you want her to be happy but....she should want you to be happy too

[pcmaster]

But if she isn't, there's nothing to be done: pressuring or trying to manipulate her into it will just backfire.

Yes you cant go against girls will thats for sure but what they mean is easing girl into it by taking her to the point near orgasm where she is more likely to give in or be okay, so increasing the chances with experimental stuff.

[michelle23]

I think its time to stop ignoring the problem and face it. You have been together a long time and obviously love each other so I dont think you should give up without a fight. Perhaps you have just gotten into a comfy rut where it feels like your brother and sister or room mates instead of lovers. That needs to change.

Do you make an effort to be romantic? Take her out, spoil her occasionally, make her feel special. Do you have good personal hygiene? Especially oral hygiene is important.

Is she on birth control? If yes-get her off that as it can kill a woman's sex drive over time.

It is very selfish of her to expect you to satisfy her each time and she does nothing for you to finish you off. That is just plain wrong. And she should be initiating oral occasionally as should you. Maybe some sex therapy would help you both? It sounds like she just does not like sex in general and if your going to stay with her-that has to change.

It could be an indication that she is depressed or stressed or it could be medical/hormonal. Ask her to see her doctor or a gynecologist to figure out if there is anything wrong.

The first thing you have to do is sit her down with a cup of coffee and have a calm rational conversation. Tell her how you feel and be totally honest. She cant read your mind. Start off by saying that it hurts you that she does not like affection and you dont understand why and try to get to the bottom of that issue first. Then move onto the second issue-sex and discuss that in detail too and ask her "how are we going to fix it"?

Dont allow her to ignore the issue or to shrug it off, walk away, get defensive or angry etc. You need to tell her you love her, you want your relationship to work and your not willing to give up without a fight BUT you cannot be happy with someone who never wants to kiss, cuddle, hold your hand or enjoy sex with and the longer this issue goes on-the more you will drift apart so it needs to be addressed right now.

Also are you sure shes not faking it? 30 seconds seems incredibly fast to me. Most women take at least ten mins just to warm up-some take 20mins or more.

If sex has always been an issue between you-then its unlikely to get any better without professional help and a lot of give and take and compromise but if you want to stay together-you should both be eager to do whatever it takes. If she refuses to do anything about it-then I think you will have to walk away.

However, if sex was never an issue the first 2, 3 or 4 years and has only become an issue recently-then you can probably easily get back to the way it was before by figuring out what the problem is and trying to fix it. Problems with sex normally indicate other problems outside the bedroom and they need to be fixed first.

Relationship counselling may also help if its not a medical or hormonal problem.

And many couples have nothing to do in the evenings-once the days work is done and the chores etc are taken care of its normal to just want to relax for awhile by watching TV, reading, whatever.. you could try to make things more interesting by inviting friends over occasionally or visiting relatives. My partner likes to unwind by just crashing in front of the TV and I normally do my own thing for awhile listening to music or going on this forum. Life is boring when you have a full time job, a house to run and are tired a lot of the time but we love having friends over or visiting our families or friends. it breaks up the week and stops us from going completely brain dead of boredom. We also sit together when we get home, have a chat, a cup of tea together and we always make sure we welcome each other with a kiss and cuddle.

Its important to keep doing the little things-even sitting on two different chairs we like to hold hands etc. You need to bring back the affection before you can bring back the intimacy so try to focus on that issue first.

Good luck

[michelle23]

I think pcmaster has a weird obsession with anal lol....

[HeartIsAching]

I think its time to stop ignoring the problem and face it. You have been together a long time and obviously love each other so I dont think you should give up without a fight.

Pardon?

Where's the 'obvious love'? I don't see it.

[michelle23]

Pardon?

Where's the 'obvious love'? I don't see it.

They have been together a long time, he said they have a great relationship and shes great but it sounds like things have just gone stale. I think all their problems can be fixed if they are both willing to try. I dont believe in giving up on a long term relationship like this without a fight unless you are really unhappy and dont see things getting any better or if they cheat. Then its defo 100% over.

[IndiReloaded]

Our sex life has been good if not as frequent as I would like but thats ok.

No, its not okay, you are contradicting yourself. I don't need to read further b/c your problem is right here^. You are afraid to tell her your needs. Are you worried she will leave? That's not fair to you, or her, actually. She deserves to hear what you are thinking and feeling, even if she doesn't like it.

The problem is I have to ask for a kiss or a cuddle. She will push my hands away if I touch her no matter where on her body and (nicely) asks me to stop. This happens alot as I enjoy physical contact with her both sexually and none.
I am niw at a stage where a hour ago I went for a cuddle she batted me away and I appoligised only for her to ask I dont make her feel guilty.

See above. Her response to you hurts you. You feel rejected and unloved. You need to tell her this. If she loves you, this should break her heart.

I dont want to make it a topic if disscusion between us as I dontbwant her to feel bad about it.
I have started to loose alot of confidence because of it.

Wow. You are a doormat, man. You *need* to tell her or your relationship is doomed. If you can't, then you might as well save both of you the trouble and break up right now. Things will not get better if you can't get over your fear of losing her. Sometimes, you have to risk it all to win it all, understand?

When it comes to sex that has gradually become less n less frequent, not for lack of trying in my part (but not pestering) she makes no advances towards me, well it has happend 3 times in years. She allways enjoys sex but she cums very quickley and is over sensitive afterwards n not intrested if we take a break. I, sadly, have allot of stamina and cant cum in under 30 seconds like she can. She im sure then feels bad. She use to guve me handjob after but that stopped fairley recently, never oral ever.

I feel like I force sex on her even though this is not the case, I tried not to approach her for sex or anything else but its very hard not to want to touch some one you love.

I feel bad for you. These are more details which just say you really need to let her know how you feel.

We spend time together when we can iur working hours are a bit out of alignment but not much.

The only criticism I have is jn the evenings she enjoys soaps, all of them so 3 hours a night or more. I can only srand so much so I will entertain myself by reading or going to bed to watch stuff on my tablet.

Jon, she has time, clearly. But she doesn't have time for *you*. Ask her why this is and don't let her weasel out of a meaningful answer. Find out if she really loves you, or what she wants. Maybe she watches soaps b/c she thinks you aren't romantic enough. Who knows? But whatever you do, make sure if you make any more effort, that she makes an equal effort to meet *your* needs.

"Women have sex when they feel loved. Men feel loved when they have sex."

[skeeziix]

I had a guy who couldn't stop groping me all the time it was disgusting. After a while when he would touch me I would get repulsed, like don't grab my boob or my vagina anymore! Maybe you need to stop completely and let her initiate it for once. No hugs no kisses until she comes to you. Sometimes it is the challenge that is exciting too. After a a month if she doesn't do anything then I would suggest you talk to her, and by all means don't be a whiney man women hate that the most, just tell her straight out you feel bored and that your relationship is lacking the spice it used to have. After 5 years a woman's sex drive wanes but it is something a man needs to feel loved, women are emotional men are physical in their expressions of love. By her swatting you away from any contact she is basically showing you she doesn't want you to touch her at all. You have the right to leave if you are not happy, don't think that you can't get anyone else there are other women out there, but another 5 years it will probably be the same. Counseling can help also, even one session just to lay it all out there and have it looked at objectively can be reassuring...

[michelle23]

I dont believe that ^^^. I am in an almost 5 year relationship and my sex drive has not "waned". It has gone up if anything since we moved in together. And I crave lots of affection and intimacy.

If sex goes stale in a relationship-it means there is something wrong. It is not normal to not want your partner near you and I think this whole thing about women being emotional, men being physical is bollox or else I just think like a man coz sex is really important to me and there are plenty other girls on here who feel the same. Its how I show my love for him and how I feel loved.. as well as cuddles, kisses, hand holding, flirting, pinching whatever.. and plenty of men see sex the same way I do. *sigh* these stereotypes drive me up the walls.. anyway im not gonna get into that again.

I dont believe that its "normal" for this to happen when you have been together awhile. Me and my partner flirt all the time, tease each other, send dirty texts occasionally, have baths together, lots of affection, lots of sex, lots of laughter and fun in our house. Theres rarely a dull moment.

If the relationship gets this bad-its coz you both allowed it to and now your gonna have to work harder to bring back the love, affection and intimacy. Its that simple.

Trying new things together really helps too.