no advances from girlfriend

[pocquet]

Hi,

I hope you are all well and thanks for reading.

I have been with my gf for 5 years. Im 29nand she is 35. No children. Living together in own house foe the last 3 years.

Firsty I want to say she is wonderful and I know I love her to peices n vice versa. No chance of cheating or suspicion. Our relationship other than below is fantastic.

Right my problem.

Our sex life has been good if not as frequent as I would like but thats ok. Maybe once a week to once twice a week. The problem is I have to ask for a kiss or a cuddle. She will push my hands away if I touch her no matter where on her body and (nicely) asks me to stop. This happens alot as I enjoy physical contact with her both sexually and none.
I am niw at a stage where a hour ago I went for a cuddle she batted me away and I appoligised only for her to ask I dont make her feel guilty.

This has been gradule process. I dont want to make it a topic if disscusion between us as I dontbwant her to feel bad about it.
I have started to loose alot of confidence because of it.

When it comes to sex that has gradually become less n less frequent, not for lack of trying in my part (but not pestering) she makes no advances towards me, well it has happend 3 times in years. She allways enjoys sex but she cums very quickley and is over sensitive afterwards n not intrested if we take a break. I, sadly, have allot of stamina and cant cum in under 30 seconds like she can. She im sure then feels bad. She use to guve me handjob after but that stopped fairley recently, never oral ever.

I feel like I force sex on her even though this is not the case, I tried not to approach her for sex or anything else but its very hard not to want to touch some one you love.

We spend time together when we can iur working hours are a bit out of alignment but not much.

The only criticism I have is jn the evenings she enjoys soaps, all of them so 3 hours a night or more. I can only srand so much so I will entertain myself by reading or going to bed to watch stuff on my tablet.

We have a wonderful relationship but I do feel some times im just here to help pay the morgage
Any advice is welcome
Thanks
Jon

[mncountrygirl]

I really think you should bring it up with her because no one knows your girl better than her! But I have just one question! Do you only cuddle or give her attention like that when you want sex?

[Kromat83]

for me, if she's feeling uncomfortable with your kissing and cuddling, there must be something wrong.
If she wants that much time for herself, maybe she sees that house as somewhere to hang out.

I am getting a bad vibe and you need to talk to her about this and what problem is that she is treating you this way.

Maybe age is a factor, and her being older might actually be a disadvantage, I am not telling you who you should love and age is merely a number, but you need to find out now, before you waste anymore time.

[pcmaster]

So the problem is she basicaly becomes lazy at sex and boring at tv. Try anal sex - she might last longer than 30 sec. Heres guide how to convince her
youtube.com/watch?v=qsxob6KJghA

Enternain her sometimes - dont let her watch stupid soaps all the time. And every time you apologize you lose some confidence. I did apologise only once for touching girls body too much and it was stupiest thing I ever done. Next thing you know her body is not your property anymore and she controls you with acsess to it.
You dont have to apologise - its your natural sex drive, you a man and man likes woman. If shes so hot that you cant resist its her fault - she atracted too much attention.

[Starnique]

^^^




Anyway, she seems detached from you. Maybe she is bored and the relaionship needs to be spiced up. That's what it seems like to me. Maybe you should take the initiative to add some excitement. Talk to her and tell her what you feel you are missing. If she doesn't change then move on.

[basilandthyme]

Jon, I suspect you could be right about being there to just pay the mortgage. She doesn't want your physical touch, she watches soaps every night and so has no time with you......are you sure it's a wonderful relationship?

You need to talk with her. She needs to know how you're feeling. Use "I" statements when you talk with her: "when you're watching soaps each night, I feel isolated and disconnected from you" and "I really miss the cuddles we used to have". The changes she makes (or doesn't make!) will tell you whether or not you're there to just pay the mortgage.

While I disagree with pcmaster's advice of controlling what she watches on TV, I firmly agree that you should not apologise for seeking physical affection. We should only apologise if we do something wrong - and seeking physical affection is not doing anything wrong at all. Instead of an apology, it's the perfect time to insert the *I* statement above. And she feels guilty, then GOOD. Perhaps she'll do something about it.

[mncountrygirl]

^^^

Haha for sure! Girls are no ones property

[FlaCooln]

So wait let me clarify something....

When you guys have sex she climaxes super quick and doesn't finish you off?

If that's the case you must get a horrible case of blueballs all the time. That just sucks and she is very selfish. That is just not right and someone who loves you should never do that to you.

I also think her sex drive is WAAY lower then yours. This is a bad sign because in my experience women in their 30s are usually in their peak and very sexual. Either she has lost desire for you or something is wrong w/ her hormones.

You must talk to her, this is no way to live. If she is unwilling to work on your sex life leave her.

[HeartIsAching]

BasilandThyme's got it.

I think you're just there to help with the mortgage too.

The whole "spending 3 hours watching soaps" and not having time for you? Been there, done that except it was books and wine. It doesn't get better.

[pocquet]

Hi thanks for the replies. And not for sending a torrent of abuse and stupid comments as I expect from the Internet. We sorry for the crappy spelling etc typing all this on my phone as with the above post.

In answer to your questionss

No I seek cuddles not only to have sex however I may touch her bum or breast which my hands
thenget batted away guess that could be sexual.

A good example would be last night before I apologises. I I am usually on before her. She as soon ash she wants in I stop what I'm doing and go for a cuddle to say hello. I no sexual overtones. I when she's in before me she will say hi n keep watching the tv.

I asked her when we were in the early stages of our relationship around anal and oral both answers was no. I she won't let me spice up the sex weather it be spontaneous or planned.

Yes she does cum early n faster than me. I do have blue balls lol the cause could be over maturation on my part. So I quit it 4 weeks ago n its going well so far. We had sex Sundays night n she was done before I got near. I needless to say I was upset n I'm Joe off the wagon.

How do I approach the subject with out causing her to feel guilty

[pcmaster]

If shes feeling guilt thats a good sign, its not too late to change her. Imagine yourslef not letting to touch yourseld and paying more attention to soaps than her. Wouldnt you desrve to feel quilty?
Now the problem is you were too soft - basicaly a pussy and thats the problem cause women are not atracted to pussies but to a man who can put her in place and dont take shit from them.
I wonder if those 30 sec orgasms is real or fake. However you are putting her on the pedestal, dont be afraid to make her expierience negative emotions like guilt while taking the damage instead of her. That will create unequality in relationship until you become emotional shit and she dump you like a shit you are(while not feeling guilty lol).
Just talk straight dude. It looks like you cant connect with the man inside of you anymore tru all these emotions.

"Wow... he let me treat him this way, he let me do this to him. He is afraid to be man, if he lets me do this thing to him, what else will he let me do? Will he protect me when I need him? Maybe not, if he is afraid to put me in my place. How can he protect me from another man when I need him? He is not the secure guy I thought. He looks weak to me. I can manipulate him now to do what I want him to do. I can get away with anything now. I can do what I want. I'm in control of things now. He is not. He will jump through my hoops. I can tell him what to do. How can I take him seriously anymore when he won't stand up to me? He is not a challenge, maybe I need to look for another guy. His insecure behavior really disgusts me. He is not a man that I need. I have to let him go. I need another guy. He is gone, we are over."

[HeartIsAching]

I'm betting that:

1) The orgasms are fake because she wants to stop.

2) If she actually is expressing guilt it's also fake, because she doesn't want to discuss it and wants to make you feel bad so you'll desist.

3) She's emotionally disconnected from you and thinks that she'll do the bare minimum needed to keep you around.

I really think you're ****ing hosed, man. Time to skedaddle.

[pocquet]

Hi guys I get your point. Then orgasm on her part are real there are other signs other than a damp crotch and a bit of breathlessness

I don't want to leave her and will work at it. I will try and talk to her tonight. I I just don't want to pressure her into something she doesn't like. Even if she was state with me n said she didn't like the physical side at least I could solve my own needs with out major guilt.

[HeartIsAching]

*heavy sigh*

Fine. You're going to "work at it"... is she?!

[pocquet]

Good question. sadly