Should I dump my boyfriend?

[Bebgrande276]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months so far. My boyfriend is a pre med student and he obviously spends a lot of time studying. However, a major problem I am having with him is that I feel that we don't have enough quality time. I understand pre med students need and spend a lot of time studying, but I feel that if you are willing to commit with someone and have a girlfriend(me) you should make time for them. I am not saying we have to go out every single weekend. I am fine with just laying next to him in bed. I work 30 hours a week and go to school, while he only goes to school. But on an average weekend, I am always sitting by myself on his bed watching tv alone, while he sits on the computer, puts his headphones on, and studies. We have not gone out or spent quality time for the past month. He is not a bad guy at all, he is very nice to me, and trustworthy. But I feel that I should atleast be included in his schedule to spend quality time. I feel that in order to keep the love alive, you have to make eachother happy. I have also sacrificed not going clubbing with my friends because he finds it disrespectful since I am his gf. When my boyfriend has the chance, he takes me out. However, this is only when he has no exams coming up, or when a semester of school finishes( which is still not a lot of time for us). I have talked to him a MILLION times about this and he tells me that he must study to do well and that he loves and cares about me a lot. I don't know if I should leave him ....I feel that he is in a point in his life where school is the only focus.....what should I do?

[pcmaster]

Sounds like a boring guy if he dont even lets you go out with friends. Be carefull dont let him suck life out of you. I suggest you leave until he gets back to his senses. Thats the only effective way to let him see that hes been concentrtating on wrong shit. Maybe he wont even notice that you are missing.

[basilandthyme]

So he doesn't spend time with you - but objects to you going out and having fun with your friends when he's not available. Yes, it's time to dump him.

[MrProblem]

He prioritises his career over you which in my eyes isn't that bad. He's young, needs a good start in life and is evidently trying his best to do that. But since he's so focused on that, I think it's selfish of him to expect to have a partner on top of this if he's not willing to share the attention.

As for preventing you going out, well that seems to touch on other issues. Seems a bit of a lost cause I'm afraid.

[michelle23]

sounds like a v boring relationship to me.. when i was in college i had a ton of assignments, exams, projects as well as 20hours work and i still mansged to fit in 15-20hours of quality time with my bf a week. and i still managed to get straight As-not bragging-just saying.

your bf is all work and no play-itl prob be worse when he qualifies and becomes a doctor. i like ambitious intelligent guys but not when they forget bout everything else thats supposed to be important.

bet ylur man will be singing bruno mars song "when i was your man" soon

[HeartIsAching]

As usual, basilandthyme hit the nail on the head.

It's one thing that he doesn't have time to take you out... you had to know that if he's pre-med... lemme guess, biochemistry degree?

BUT - it's totally unacceptable that you can't go out on your own.

[Bebgrande276]

I feel bad because besides studying , the only other thing he does is be with me. He does not even hang out with his friends or anything. But at the same time, I don't think he knows how depressed I am over feeling alone when I'm with him. I spend atleast 5 hours a week with him with no books involved. I think it's outrageous. I just need to think of a good strong speech to say because I have told him a million times but he tells me that he tries his hardest.

[surfhb2]

I feel bad because besides studying , the only other thing he does is be with me. He does not even hang out with his friends or anything. But at the same time, I don't think he knows how depressed I am over feeling alone when I'm with him. I spend atleast 5 hours a week with him with no books involved. I think it's outrageous. I just need to think of a good strong speech to say because I have told him a million times but he tells me that he tries his hardest.

Be grande! Listen please!

The whole point of dating is to find a person who makes you happy. Youre acting like he's your husband and your obligated to be with him. Make sense?! Jeesh! You kids today!

[Bebgrande276]

I know . It's just a bit rough because this is the first guy I ever loved . The first guy who actually cared a lot about me and tried to make me happy. But eventually it's not working out . This is not something I'm gonna feel happy about after, or if I even dump him soon. I don't know if I should wait it out since school ends next week. But then again, people don't change. And the cycle wil repeat again . Anyone know of a strong speech I can say to him?

[HeartIsAching]

How about: You're too busy to take me out, and you don't want me to go out with other people. I'm bored and tired of being controlled, good-bye.

[basilandthyme]

You don't need a strong speech, you just need to stay strong to your convictions. Simply telling him "I have thought long and hard. I am ending the relationship because it's not making me happy" is quite sufficient. As you've told him about your concerns many times, this will not come as a surprise to him.

It's very likely that his response will be to reiterate how busy he is and that he's doing the best he can. At which point, you just repeat "yes, but it's still not working for me"

It's also easier if you leave shortly after breaking up. Discussing and analysing your decision with him does nobody any good.

[surfhb2]

I know . It's just a bit rough because this is the first guy I ever loved . The first guy who actually cared a lot about me and tried to make me happy. But eventually it's not working out . This is not something I'm gonna feel happy about after, or if I even dump him soon. I don't know if I should wait it out since school ends next week. But then again, people don't change. And the cycle wil repeat again . Anyone know of a strong speech I can say to him?

i wasnt meaning to trivialize your situation in anyway. It will be tough but this is a part of life and think of it as a step forward in finding out the person you really are and what you need. You will have several break ups as life goes on so you need to treat this as a stepping stone to better things. Imagine having a really fun guy who isnt so tied up in his work and is so into you? Were out there for sure.....personally this guy sounds like a bore

[IndiReloaded]

So he doesn't spend time with you - but objects to you going out and having fun with your friends when he's not available. Yes, it's time to dump him.

This. Even the busiest people make time for loved ones. Look at top CEOs, married with children.. Sounds like he either isn't *that* into you or he doesn't know how to manage his time.

Say goodbye. He'll probably be relieved.