Prenup a good idea or not?

[gymrat10]

So here's the deal. My fiancee and I are getting married in a couple weeks. To say we have had a historically volatile relationship would be putting it mildly. Yet through all the ups and downs, love seems to have prevailed, so here we are.

Financially speaking, we are in different places. I own a house and some property. I have a decent amount of assets, nothing to qualify me as wealthy by any means, about 450k with everything combined, including taxable portions. She has next to nothing, lives paycheck to paycheck. She also has wracked up some debt. I have debt too, but mine is just for paying off big ticket items, hers is on actual credit cards. She will be coming to live in my house (well, our house). Her daughter will live there for a bit before going off to school. When asked about the prenup a couple months ago, she was willing to sign. That was also during a bad moment though, when she probably would have agreed to anything. She brought it up a little later and kind of had an attitude about how I don't trust her.

So here is the deal. Prenups require full disclosure. To this day, she does not know the full amount of assets I have. I have been uncomfortable disclosing this because she is, quite frankly, not the best with money. To add another fold, she loves to spend money on new things for the house and on material goods. She claims to be a bargain shopper, but only along the lines of spending $2,500 instead of 3k lol. I am going to be losing my job because my company is relocating and I am not. I am of course actively searching.

I have no problem getting a prenup in theory. But the fact that full disclosure is required makes me very anxious. In her eyes, she will probably think I have a ton of money and get angry at me for acting like money is a concern and being afraid of spending too much when I have what I do. Oh, and I am also fully paying for the wedding, the honeymoon and new appliances for the house. So I am trying to figure out if I am getting myself in trouble more by disclosing the assets that I have for protection in the unlikely event of a divorce or if I am better off just keeping a lid on things until we get nice and cushy in the marriage. She doesn't necessarily have to divorce me to get what she wants anyway, she has been good at manipulating me to spend in the past. I have to get better at saying no lol. Any thoughts based on the situation if a prenup is a good idea?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Get her to sign it up front. She already agreed. You shouldn't be worried about telling your wife what your assets are. If you're that worried then you probably shouldn't marry her. Don't back down on this, and yeah, you need to learn to say no. Good luck..

Can you describe this "history of volatility"? If there's a lot, and I suspect there is, just tell me some of the worst.

[FlaCooln]

Dude get her the prenup right away!!! I would also make sure she get her own attorney to review it.

As as attroney I can tell you that you have to give her enough time (in advance) before the wedding to review and seek counsel/an attorney. This shoud have been done months ago. A few weeks before a wedding can be very hectic and she could even feel pressured to sign. This is a problem because down the road she could say she was under duress, signed so she would not loose you, and did not have time to seek an attorney to review. Then a court could even invalidate the prenup.

Lastly, you MUST provide full disclosure or the agreement will be invalidated down the road.

[gymrat10]

Dude get her the prenup right away!!! I would also make sure she get her own attorney to review it.

As as attroney I can tell you that you have to give her enough time (in advance) before the wedding to review and seek counsel/an attorney. This shoud have been done months ago. A few weeks before a wedding can be very hectic and she could even feel pressured to sign. This is a problem because down the road she could say she was under duress, signed so she would not loose you, and did not have time to seek an attorney to review. Then a court could even invalidate the prenup.

Lastly, you MUST provide full disclosure or the agreement will be invalidated down the road.

Thank you for the advice. The attorney I would go to would have her be represented as well. The wedding is literally 2 weeks and 2 days away, so I don't know if the time is too short for the reasons you stated. She definitely would not agree to postponing it, especially for these reasons. I also run the risk of getting some major anger from her because I have never fully disclosed what I have to her up until this point. She may feel it insulting that I do it at thsi time.

[Boisdevie]

I also run the risk of getting some major anger from her because I have never fully disclosed what I have to her up until this point. She may feel it insulting that I do it at thsi time.

Call my a cynical old fart but this strikes me as not the best start to a marriage.

[stan92964]

Wow ... marriage isn't a business deal ... a prenuptial is not a show of commitment but rather the first statement of how you are going to deal with your split. Marriage is about love and commitment to face life together. Contention about money, however, is the number 1 thing that drives couples to marriage counseling and often to divorce. You might be interested to know that research shows spenders and savers are equally happy in marriage when pared with a partner with similar views. Money views are one of the top 6 things you have to at very least understand the how and whys of each of you views ... and accept each others views or you're not likely make it. It doesn't sound to me that either of you are ready to get married. Take some time and get to know and understand each other ... and focus on enjoying your time together.

[fearoflove]

If you feel you need a prenup, you don't trust her so don't marry her.

[toknow]

If you have to ask, it's a great idea.

[VincenzoG91]

Gymrat, the prenuptial agreement is a good idea for the circumstances that you have described. But you have hinted at a very dysfunctional relationship that probably should have ended years ago instead of leading to marriage. Bottom line is that you don't trust her. I just don't see how love and marriage can survive a lack of trust.

[Wakeup]

Thank you for the advice. The attorney I would go to would have her be represented as well.

No, no, no. She has to have her own representation or a judge could nullify the pre-nup just for that reason alone. Keep in mind that your home becomes the marital home once you are married and she lives there with you. That means that should you split up she will be intitled to half of the increase in value of said home from the day she moves in until the end of the union if your pre-nup is nullified because she didn't have her own representation prior to signing.


Trust has nothing to do with the finanacial end of a married partnership. Everyone who is fronting the majority of the financials in any relationship should protect their hard earned assets. Love has nothing to do with it., really.

That being said, I think you're marrying the wrong woman and it has nothing to do with who owns what prior to the nuptuals.

[surfhb2]

Pre-nups are vital since the marriage laws are so out of wack these days.

The problem I hear is that I don't think you are marrying the right girl for you......ask yourself that question my friend

[BackUpOrGetStng]

The more I think about this, the more I think you should just call it off. I know there's a lot invested, but you stand to lose so much more down the road, and it's pretty obvious this marriage will not last.

[FlaCooln]

Definitely tell her to get her own attorney. But, two weeks is too quick IMO and that's a problem. I would delay the wedding....and everything Wakeup said is on point!

[basilandthyme]

Call my a cynical old fart but this strikes me as not the best start to a marriage.

Cynical old fart here too. I'm thinking the OP is crazy to be going ahead with a wedding.

[VincenzoG91]

It's like watching Wile E. Coyote opening an umbrella as the big rock hurtles down towards him.