Is it her Ex or is she just not feeling it anymore?

[CantYouC]

Hi All,

Just joined this very minute so a big hello everyone on this forum. Sorry I've gone straight in with a question but I kind of joined in an emergency as i'm really desperate for other peoples views on my situation.

I met a girl about 2.5 months ago. On the first date I asked her if she was looking for a relationship to which she revealed that she had just broken up with her Ex (of one year) and she hasn't gotten over him and he hasn't gotten over her so her answer was of course 'No' to my question. Regardless I have told her that I liked her and wanted to get to know her. We have been going out on subsequent dates ever since, chatting via text and many phone conversations. there has been flirting on both parts and we have loads in common. over the past 2.5 months she has been giving me mixed messages i.e. one day its going really good and the next she would start openly talking about her Ex to me or she would suggest setting me up with one of her mates. Her Ex is always hanging around with her still and this really concerned me early on. But regardless I am really digging this girl and want to believe that with time and patience we could have something together. Most recently I have felt as thought she is very distant, I feel like i'm putting in 99% of the effort to communicate. If I didn't message her one day then we wouldn't have chatted for the whole day. about a month and a half ago it was very different, she would initiate conversations and call me up etc... I have spent money on her, bought her small gifts and taken her out to dinner, gigs.

I feeling really down about this because for one I am no good at relationships and know nothing about them frankly, and two I am so into this girl but she is really hurting me by not expressing any interest.

How do you guys read my situation? Am I wasting my time and money on this girl or should I hang in there?

Many thanks for any advice in advance

[_Richard]

Trust me, I know about this one.

If you persist with this relationship just now you will get seriously hurt.

She is not ready for a relationship with you and she has been honest about this. She is confused and hurting still.

She needs time to get over him and you need to leave her alone during this time. Tell her you really like her but that you recognise she's not ready and that you'd like her to contact you when she's ready if she's still interested in you.

Then move on, don't wait for her. This will just eat you up. If she does get back in contact and you're single then reassess.

Don't get any more involved. I have real and current experience of this and it feels terrible.

I'm happy to discuss this at greater length with you by PM if you want.

[CantYouC]

Thanks for the advice mate, I think you're spot on actually. I respect that she was upfront with me from the beginning and even told me not to get attached to her as I could get hurt and inevitably its sort of happened that way. Thanks again.