Why am I afraid of what I want?

[rayna]

I've always been a hopeless romantic dreaming of the day I meet my soulmate. But I'm also afraid at the same time.

When I have my eyes in a guy and he seems interested, I often sway between wanting to try a relationship with him and freaking out about having picked the wrong guy and possibly getting stuck in an unhappy marriage. See, I think too much. My parents never seemed happy to me. Old happily married couples are a rare sight to me.

There's a part of me that thinks I'm not ready, i don't know what i want, and I still need to work on me. But being single all my life (while sometimes fun) does get pretty lonely.

I'm so bitter and jealous of all the coupled girl friends around me. Heck some are engaged or married.

My indecisions have cost me a few potential boyfriends and have also caused me to consider if I might play for the other team. In the end I may just be another angry single straight girl. I think I need help? Advice? Anyone experience something similar?

[Ann S]

"getting stuck in an unhappy marriage." WOW - that's a leap! "When I have my eyes in a guy and he seems interested".....aren't you putting fears of an unhappy marriage WAYYYYYYY ahead of even getting to know someone?

"See, I think too much." You make up stories based on your view of your parents, and perhaps others.

"My parents never seemed happy to me." Maybe they aren't but you don't have to have a relationship like theirs.

"Old happily married couples are a rare sight to me." YOU are very correct! Isn't this sad? There are many reasons for this, but I think one of them is that people don't know how to be intimate or collaborative.

"i don't know what i want, and I still need to work on me." I would support you to work on YOU until you know what YOU want.
" But being single all my life (while sometimes fun) does get pretty lonely." How old are you. See? There you are, wayyyyyy out into the future based on a made up story.

"caused me to consider if I might play for the other team." So figure that out! If you are a lesbian, then no wonder you don't want a guy.
I hope you get some therapy to figure this out. Maybe you are having a sexual orientation challenge. Ann

[_Richard]

Ann may have a point here.

You seem to be over-analysing and basing too much on supposition rather than actual experience.

Most people, men and women want to make sure they've found the right person before settling down with them - you're not alone in that. Dating is an experiment, it's a way of finding the people that are right for you. And if someone isn't right then you stop seeing them. You don't have to be full-on with people from the get go.

Take your time, don't be impatient. Have fun getting to know what kind of people you like. Don't worry about where stuff is going to lead, you're in control of that.

[michelle23]

so what if a relationship or marriage "becomes unhapoy" your not in prison-you can leave you no if your miserable. i dont understand your irrational fear.

you meet someone, fall in love, figure out if your compatable or not, if not you break up, if you are you stay together and put in the time and effort to make it work. ifhe hurts you-you say "**** you its your loss" and dump his ass and go find yourself someone more worthy. its that simple.

what are you afraid of? heartbreak, pain? time heals all wounds and if your strong youll deal with it, get over it and move on. dont be afraid to get hurt-if you fall-you will get back up again. pain is only temporary.

you need to face your fears and stop alowing it to hold you back.

[pcmaster]

Cause your brain is so active that you think too much. Live in the moment to be able enjoy it.

Here guy talks about living in the moment
youtube.com/watch?v=7gmeq6E0kIg&list=LLsx6isKCu4vxjq1nsEMHFlA

[rhonddamayne]

i think you're just being bitter and over-analyzing things. and yes, Ann is 100% spot on with those points.

[Love'sReject]

Don't think of it as being "afraid" of what you want. That's a bunk pseudo-psychoanalysis that everybody tosses at hopeless romantics such as yourself and myself; most humans live by platitudes so they give you this one because they haven't thought of anything original to say on the subject.

I think your problem I can relate to and I think it is a similar problem; like ^rhondadamayne said, "over-analyzing" but to go a step further, I think you and I are too sentient, highly aware, overaware as a matter of fact. Extreme awareness kinda kills one's ability to truly enjoy something.

[Rudeboyy]

because you care too much about what others would think