Confused

[J.loki]

I am currently confused about my relationship situation. I am 21 I jumped into a family with my GF (23). She has 3 little girls. Been together for about two years. She has always said she wants to marry me and get a place together etc.. I bought an engagement ring and proposed and about 4 months after that we signed to get a place togeher. We both tell another we love eachother and we are in love .All of a sudden she says she thinks she loves me for the wrong reasons or doesn't know of she does at all. She says she doesn't know if she loves me for who I am or how I am with her kids. She told me she doesn't want to leave e because she wants them to have a good father (unlike their biological father) . I told her she needs to find out what the reason is because it wouldn't be fair to any of us if we were together for the wrong reason. Did I tell her the right thing? What should I do?

[_Richard]

First things first. You are very young to be considering marriage - particularly marriage to someone who has children already. I got married too early and I lived to regret it. But ultimately that's your decision. I just wanted to throw that out there.

You're girlfriend is being open and honest which isn't always the case with people and that's to be respected. What she's told you is obviously not what you wanted to hear but now that it's been said it does need to be taken very seriously.

You have done absolutely the right thing. You both need to be completely certain that you love each other, five people's happiness depends on it. You need to talk this thing through.

It could be that you need a few days apart from each other for her to think about her feelings. These things are notoriously difficult to consider when you're living on top of each other. Or it could be that you're not really having enough time just the two of you together and that she's realised that she's only seeing you as a father these days and not as a lover.

Whatever, the reason for her doubting her feelings, it's imperative that you are sure she loves you before you continue with your plans to marry. You also need to make sure of your own feelings too.

[J.loki]

Richard,
Thank you for responding. I know I'm at a young age to be considering marriage, but I do love her very much and we talked about it a lot before I actually proposed.

I do respect her very much about being honest about it, she kept asking if I was mad/hated her. I told her I had no reason to. That you can't control your emotions.

I have been considering the spending time apart aspect because we live together now just not in our own place like we were planning. We see eachother every day Only recently did she start having the second thoughts.

Thank you for your advice, honestly it's much appreciated. I just needed to make sure I was doing the right thing before I continued in that direction.

[_Richard]

Good luck.

[basilandthyme]

I couldn't agree more with Richard. I too am a casualty of young marriage and would caution you to wait till you're about 25 before you get hitched. Thing is, both of you still have a lot more growing and changing to do - and you really need to make sure that you're going to grow and change in the same direction.

[michelle23]

you are young to be taking on 3kids and marriage. kt depends how mature you are though i suppose. thats all some people want and cant wait to settle down so only you can decide if your truly ready for such a committment.

around the 2year mark is normally "the stage of doubts" i think its normal for most people to go through this at some point especially if marriage or moving in together is on the table.

you need to give her space and time. tell her that she needs to figure all this out on her own and to contact you when she has her mind made up. thats all you can do.

best of luck

[J.loki]

Thanks for the help, I suppose giving her space and time is the conclusion we will see what happens. Thanks again everyone. And if the relationship comes to an end I'll keep in mind not to jump into all this so quickly.

[michelle23]

i hope your okay whatever the outcome stay strong and good luck

[J.loki]

Ended up with a separation under mutual terms. Now have new thread as the result of that... Advice once again would be greatly appreciated. And thank you Michelle23

[AvaMo]

I am currently confused about my relationship situation. I am 21 I jumped into a family with my GF (23). She has 3 little girls. Been together for about two years. She has always said she wants to marry me and get a place together etc.. I bought an engagement ring and proposed and about 4 months after that we signed to get a place togeher. We both tell another we love eachother and we are in love .All of a sudden she says she thinks she loves me for the wrong reasons or doesn't know of she does at all. She says she doesn't know if she loves me for who I am or how I am with her kids. She told me she doesn't want to leave e because she wants them to have a good father (unlike their biological father) . I told her she needs to find out what the reason is because it wouldn't be fair to any of us if we were together for the wrong reason. Did I tell her the right thing? What should I do?

Yes you did tell her the right thing, it is not fair to any of you if she isn't clear on what she is doing, I would advise you to be patient with her as she is clearly confused, some times we over think our love and that may be the case here