Need help getting forgiveness. Guys, what would you do?

[babybunnybohn]

Ok, I'm gonna try to explain as best as I can without too many details. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years. In December 2011 to March 2012 he was with someone else. It was sudden, shocking, and horrible. We weren't together at the time, but he wasted no time making sure he did everything with this girl, which broke my heart. He had spent 4 years telling me I would be the only one and there would never be anyone else....anyways, after he realized he wanted me and not her, he broke up with her. I chose to give him another chance and try to forgive him. It's been rocky but a couple months ago we were finally in a much better place.
I should probably add we both have several mood disorders and severe anger problems, which makes things harder. Some people may find this relevant. But anyways. After they broke up for good, the girl moved 3 hours away, so she wasn't an issue. She's coming back to the cities today for a visit. Well....I wanted to see what would happen if she tried to contact him, so I made a new facebook and pretended to be her to see if he wanted to hang out...It started off great. As soon as he saw the message he called me to tell me about it. In hindsight, if I HAD to do it, i should have stopped there. He called me instead of talking to her. Clearly I can trust him with her. Anyways, I was talking to him as her all day, and he remained loyal to me in the conversation. But he's not an idiot and realized it was me not her. He wanted me to admit it. At first, I didn't...I said it wasn't me and accused him of not trusting me for a good 2 hours...but I really don't like lying to him, so I finally confessed. He has blocked me from calling his phone and says we're done.
Now, because of the anger issues, we both do this kind of thing quite often. We say we're done when we really aren't. We always end up going back to each other in a couple days at the most. However, I realize how bad I ****ed up. We live half an hour away from each other and neither of us drive, so I usually see him on weekends. I'm thinking of going to see him in a couple days to see him face to face and talk when he chills out. But what does someone else think? I want to fix this, but did I mess up enough not to deserve forgiveness?

[michelle23]

oh for gawds sake. You dont trust him so why are you together? You should never have gotten back together.

I have a rule-never go backwards. If you break up once-its over.

[Valixy]

Just another girl's opinion

I think that he should try to understand that you still have some trusting issues hanging. The way you handled them was not the best but the worst part was you accusing him for two good hours that he didn't trust you, in my opinion. Just how hard were your fake accusations? He ended up feeling offended by them probably especially because he was innocent all along, didn't try to flirt and you were indeed pretending to be her.

Since you were the one that provoked the break-up, you are correct in trying to approach him and apologise. He might be hard work but since you've both been through much more serious problems before and succeeded to overcome them, you should be able to solve this one too, I think. Maybe it's a little bit too soon and optimistic to think that the first contact this weekend will bring you an immediate reconciliation, so try to see it just as a first step towards getting back together, be nice, apologise and keep your emotional control choosing your words wisely all the time, bite your tongue if you have to. He might be negative towards you but you should keep a calm and positive attitude, you cannot and should not transform this in another argument even if you're being rejected or there will be very few chances to make him change his mind about you two. Go for a super pretty look, be kind, apologise and tell him that you're happy to see him, that you love him and you miss him. This is the only way to make him think things over again probably and then keep the calm, positive, loving attitude in the possible future interactions too in order to make this reconciliation possible. Oh, and always try to be a little bit seductive and add a bit of humour too if the circumstances allow it.

When he's back, you should both try to make this relationship a better and more stable one because it seems it needs some work to do from your comments. Good luck!

[Wakeup]

Here's my Yang to Valixy's Ying:

By all means please, go visit him and do your best to get back in his good graces. I'd hate to see the two of you inflicting your dysfunction on any other poor unsuspecting people like this guy did with this poor new girl who he dumped to go back to your unique type of crazy. You deserve one another, keep it together and spare the single world.

Good luck and best wishes.

[smackie9]

After all this effort, it just goes to show that it wasn't working out after all. You just proved it to yourself and him that you can never trust him. He feels really dooped by you. Now he will never be able to trust or believe you either. It's done alright.

[babybunnybohn]

Well that's the thing. I do trust him. With everyone but this one specific girl. In my book, that does not constitute no trust

[babybunnybohn]

Here's my Yang to Valixy's Ying:

By all means please, go visit him and do your best to get back in his good graces. I'd hate to see the two of you inflicting your dysfunction on any other poor unsuspecting people like this guy did with this poor new girl who he dumped to go back to your unique type of crazy. You deserve one another, keep it together and spare the single world.

Good luck and best wishes.

Maybe I should have put more details, but this girl was in absolutely no way innocent. She likes to cause drama. She was ****ing 10 other guys while dating him and only kept him as a toy for the drama of being in the middle of our relationship

[Wakeup]

Maybe I should have put more details, but this girl was in absolutely no way innocent. She likes to cause drama. She was ****ing 10 other guys while dating him and only kept him as a toy for the drama of being in the middle of our relationship

Even more reason why you should scoot on down to where he's at and get that loving feeling back. You two were meant to be together. Go on now, but first make your speech to tell him how sorry you are and that you should be together, always.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

Well that's the thing. I do trust him. With everyone but this one specific girl. In my book, that does not constitute no trust

reality check: it does....in his book........and that's all that counts.

[smackie9]

Maybe I should have put more details, but this girl was in absolutely no way innocent. She likes to cause drama. She was ****ing 10 other guys while dating him and only kept him as a toy for the drama of being in the middle of our relationship

This doesn't constitute for not trusting him because of her.....he would have done it with someone else. He made the choice, and there wasn't enough in your relationship to stop him.

[michelle23]

Maybe I should have put more details, but this girl was in absolutely no way innocent. She likes to cause drama. She was ****ing 10 other guys while dating him and only kept him as a toy for the drama of being in the middle of our relationship

omg lmfao here! so your man is the innocent victin is he? he slipped on a banana skin and fell in between her legs and shes so manipulative your worried shell sprinkle her magic pixy dust on him and get her claws into him again?

for fecks sake, hes a grown man with a mind of his own. IF he goes back to her-its HIS fault-not hers. as far as im aware he never actually cheted on you did he? you were not together when he met her! and he ditched her coz he was still in love with you? am i missing something here? as far as im concerned (if i have read this correctly) you have NO reason not to trust him.

but since you obviously dont-i recommend you end the relationship now coz you cant be happy together if your worried hell cheat.

[babybunnybohn]

omg lmfao here! so your man is the innocent victin is he? he slipped on a banana skin and fell in between her legs and shes so manipulative your worried shell sprinkle her magic pixy dust on him and get her claws into him again?

for fecks sake, hes a grown man with a mind of his own. IF he goes back to her-its HIS fault-not hers. as far as im aware he never actually cheted on you did he? you were not together when he met her! and he ditched her coz he was still in love with you? am i missing something here? as far as im concerned (if i have read this correctly) you have NO reason not to trust him.

but since you obviously dont-i recommend you end the relationship now coz you cant be happy together if your worried hell cheat.

I'm not saying he's innocent. I was saying why she wasn't innocent. And he didn't "fall between her legs". that didn't happen. And yes, we were together he met her for about 2 years after he met her. We had been together for 3 years and he broke up with me and went for her in 2 days. But he went back and forth between us for 3 months. But that's not the point. I do trust him. But because of what happened, I do not think he should be allowed to see her. Not because I'm afraid he'll cheat, because i know he won't, but because it will hurt every time he sees her. I'm not worried about him going back to her.

[michelle23]

well that changes things. he hopped back and forth between you both, played you, hurt you, made you feel like second best, thought the grass was greener with her but when he realized it wasnt-ran back to you.

now i think you were an idiot to ever take him back and ya he prob will hurt you again..

[HeartIsAching]

well that's the thing. I do trust him. With everyone but this one specific girl. In my book, that does not constitute no trust

omg... Lmao!

[michelle23]

please OP do yourself a favour-end your unhealthy destructive relationship, get counselling, anger manageent-whatever you need znd move on eith your life.

your two unhealthy people. your relationship will never be healthy. you can either tear each other apart and be miserable till the end up time or take control of your life and do something constructive in order to be happy.

the choice is yours