83 mile gap beginning to widen

[smilesandpearls]

Hello everyone,

Well, I am a newbie with a bit of a story. I met a man on Match last November. I was dubious at first to sign up and meet someone online but everyone seems to be doing it with quite alot of success. Anyhow, my OH messaged me and we got chatting. We hit it off instantly and within a few weeks, he had driven from the Surrey/Hampshire borders to me in Kent. To cut a long story short - we both live with our parents. I seperated from an ex fiancee and moved back home and used that chance to study with the OU so cannot afford to live alone until my exams are over in June (yay!). He works in a good job, earning good money and has been doing this job for 10 years now.

The time has come where we alternate weekends, I go to him, he comes to me etc etc. We are discussing who will eventually move. This is where our problems start. I am a sentimental woman who loves her family. My parents argue alot over my dads business and my mum has run into some health problems and has been emotionally dependent on me for venting and advice and general escapism. She is a very private person and doesnt use her friends for this (must be a generation thing because I chew my friends ears off and vice versa..). Kent, to me, is home. I love the beach, I love the quiet roads, I love being here. It's perfect. One thing is that my job is flexible and going nowhere so it would be easier for me to up and move.

My OH doesnt feel particularly drawn to where he lives. He holds no sentiment and is much more complacent about moving. Unfortunately for him, Kent holds no real job offer in his line of work (aerospace) and any soldering jobs that crop up are temporary and a huge drop in wages for him. Understandably as you can see, there are already pros and cons to living in both counties.

We don't have any children, and the only responsibilites we have are our jobs and my studies (until June). I also have 2 cats that I would need to leave behind with my parents until I bought somewhere (which may be scoffed at but if you were moving to a new place where you knew no one - you would want your little mates with you at least).

I have looked into joining a tennis club near him, and have been looking extensively at jobs and had interviews which havent turned into offers. I wanted to go and play tennis every other week to meet people. He hasnt really looked at jobs and hasnt applied for any in Kent, and hasnt looked at making friends here.

To be honest, we love eacohther very much and want to make this work, but we cannot seem to make a decision without assuming we will make the other person feel guilty. If I moved, he said he would feel guilty, and vice versa. It's all circles and roundabouts at the moment with no clear indication of what lies ahead.

I was hoping for a little guidance or stories from anyone about moving and starting somewhere new and how your family coped, because my mum doesnt seem to be adjusting to the situation very well and my father unfortunately is not in a position to ever be supportive of her feelings. (Hes an arsehole to sum up).

Look forward to your advice.....

[HeartIsAching]

Why does it have to be one or the other? Can't you explore a third option? Perhaps someplace with a beach that has aerospace opportunities?

[smilesandpearls]

We discussed that and realised that we would both be alone - no family or friends and if we started a family, we wouldnt be in a situation where we could get together alot (we are both really close to our families).

[Woods]

It's no good him moving to you if there is no work there. Money issues can cause so much stress for a relationship! Find somewhere in the middle? A place where he doesn't have to commute too far to go to work and somewhere where you're not too far from your mum.