Borderline Personality Disorder

[michelle23]

You just gotta have faith and believe in karma. You will be fine. You will look back in a years time and only have negative thoughts about her and bad memories and it will be easy to say "I had a lucky escape"

stay strong, look after yourself and take one day at a time. You will be fine in time

[4seasons]

I understand the responses that state, just move on, your better off. I get that but the difficulty is we find ourselves wanting an explanation why we were discarded. I was once the white knight in shining armor and she wanted to marry me. I guess her distorded cognition was able to cause her to split me black in an instant. I am caught in this circular thinking and therapy has to help me recover. Most people dating Borderlines do not recognize they might have this disorder until they are emotionally invested in the relationship. In hinesight, it would have been great to have avoided all this emotional turmoil and never get invlolved with this woman.

[Wakeup]

http://bpdfamily.com/

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.ca/2006/10/common-games-between-those-with.html

^^^ Those sites might help you, OP. Keep up with your therapy because the very fact you stayed with her particular brand of crazy indicates you have codependency traits. I trust your therapist is proficient in codependency.. talk to him/her about it and see what he/she says.

Good luck

[Wakeup]

Further to above:

Most people dating Borderlines do not recognize they might have this disorder until they are emotionally invested in the relationship.

That's because your need to caretake doesn't allow your gut instinct to look out for you. It's a need to caretake and fix that was most people who date and fall in love with a BPD downfall. That and the porn-star sex. Am I right? I've heard that from so many survivors of BPD relationships. Your addiction kept you there until they split you black for good and left you for their next victim.

[overanxious]

I sometimes wonder if I am just hoping she has Borderline Personality disorder so I can justify getting dumped. In actuality, she has too many of the symptoms for it ti just be a coincidence. I still find myself wanting 100% confirmation but I know I will not get it unless I know she was officially diagnosed from a psychiatrist. All in all, whatever she has, it is a BEHAVORAL DISORDER. Her cognition is distorted. She can't self reflect and take responsibility. There is no empathy for what she has put me through. I have to believe it will happen to my ex buddy, when it does, I hope I am long into my healing. For those of us who were involved with a woman who is Borderline, we don't really miss the person, we miss the high that they put us on which gave us the obsession. She is like a drug and I am in withdrawal. It is a very difficult recovery.

i totally agree....and sometimes i go over every part of the relationship and see if im the crazy one(i did make some mistakes)....sometimes ive even thought "hell i have some of these traits"...but then i realize im a fairly normal person and if i did the things i did for her for most girls they would have been totally content....in fact i kick myself because i had other girls that really wanted to date me at the time....and of course i chose the prettiest/most charming and it has ruined me....

the worst part is i hid my problems for most of the relationship....when my father(who gave us a place to live rent free) woulnd ask "why isnt she working...why do past due bills get sent to my house(she used my address while living here)" id always stick up for her and say "shes working on it".....i hid the craziness and child like attitude....didnt want anyone to tell me it might not be right because i enjoyed the baking, cooking, laundry, and all the child like fantasies.......meanwhile whenever i did something wrong guess who was the first to hear? her parents....her only real friends....because they cant abandon her

like you said...cant reflect and take any responsibility.....no empathy for what they put us through....its either "be my friend and accept it or dont talk to me"....no admission of anything even though she knows i know.....

the crazy part is...it will work for her just like it will work for your ex....shell find someone(may not be this guy)....who has a little more strength and resources to keep giving and giving.....i saw it in my ex's parents...some days her father was miserable...but he was so entrenched and commited.....they are deeply religious and dont believe in "divorce"......"if were married and we have a problem we are working it out"........but her father cant even bring himself to mention anything to his wife that is bothering him....and hes a manly/rugged man.........eventually your ex and mine will find someone willing to stick it out for the charm and beauty....and it will all be justified in their head... "see im worth it"......

im very jealous of my ex's boyfriend before me...he had the ability to break it off because it wasnt working for him....he told me it took him awhile to build up the courage too....of course i was lied to about why they broke up the whole time....he was "mean"...well of course he was mean at times...just like I was....because it was hard to deal with an irresponsible child with wild mood swings.....

[overanxious]

Further to above:
That's because your need to caretake doesn't allow your gut instinct to look out for you. It's a need to caretake and fix that was most people who date and fall in love with a BPD downfall. That and the porn-star sex. Am I right? I've heard that from so many survivors of BPD relationships. Your addiction kept you there until they split you black for good and left you for their next victim.

the porn star sex part is right on....even though as time grew on we had it less and less...i never initiated it either(she complained about that after we broke up too)....because i was so frustrated with other parts of the relationship and the sex part isnt that important to me....but it definitley was a trap move...something she is great at.......and when you walk into a room with my ex everyone turns their heads and thinks shes wonderful....but they dont know her or deal with her on a daily basis.....

[Wakeup]

Overanxious, doll. Are you getting any professional help or have you joined any support groups or forums for surviviors to help you get over your past? You talk about your ex in every thread you participate in and it's worrisome that you're evidently not letting go?

[pcmaster]

Loveforum is not the best [;ace to forget your past. So many situation in other relationships remins you of it.

[4seasons]

Yes. You are 100% correct. I did not know anything about Borderline Personality Disorder while we were together. After the first marriage ultimatum 6 months into our dating, I was drinking a lot because I felt the stress of her nagging for a ring just about every time we got together. She wanted to spend a full Sunday together and Iwould stahl unti llater in the day because I knew We were always going to have to talk about the "ring". I should have headed the first red flag from 18 years ago when we were just casual friends. She admitted to me at dinner back in 1994 that while living with her ex boyfriend, he made it clear to her he did not want children. After he told her that, she went off the birth control and got pregnant. She told me this while her daughter was 3 months old. Back then, I think she was sizing me up to be baby daddy but I would not date her because I felt she was unethical. To this day, the daughter does not have a relationship with her bio dad. Fast forward 2008, I thought I could put the baby thing behind me and give her a chance at dating. Add the baby entrapment with marriage ultimatum and then false restraining order, you start to see borderline traits. Thank you all for your feedback. I pray to God every day that this loss is a blessing in disguise.

[michelle23]

OP wakup is right. Co-dependency, white knight syndrome shows that you also have some issues to work on. You put up with her crap. Now you need to work on you to avoid a similar mess in the future

stick with therapy

[Wakeup]

I should have headed the first red flag from 18 years ago when we were just casual friends. She admitted to me at dinner back in 1994 that while living with her ex boyfriend, he made it clear to her he did not want children. After he told her that, she went off the birth control and got pregnant.

Well, yes. that right there is a good reason to not even be friends with her because if she'd do something that manipulative to someone she's suppose to love then she's capable of doing anything vile to you as her friend as well. You know that now though and you're in therapy so now you just have to rehab from the addiction to her and her drama.

They say that Marilyn Monroe was the Poster Girl for BPD females. Imagine the pull of all that inherent vulnerability and oozing sex appeal. To anyone with caretaking issues she is the epitome of attractive.

[4seasons]

Oh yes, I understand that Marilyn Monroe was definitely Borderline. When the judge dismissed the restraining order, my ex started crying and acted the victim role. My ex buddy of over 20 years who should know me very well, went over to put his arm around her to comfort her. This made me sick to my stomach. She saw me as a monster. I never once made her feel unsafe around me. So twisted. It was disgusting. My lawyer kept whispering "stay calm" "you know what they are trying to do". I have therapy tomorrow at noon.