how long should i wait until asking my girlfriend for an oral pleasure?

[nidzo]

Hi! I have a girlfriend for four months now, we have sex on a regular basis, I give her oral pleasure almost every time and still didn't receive the favor back. She has implied once that she would do that but nothing is happening so far... My (male) friends tell me to just ask for it, but I think it would be better if she did it on her own, but on the other hand what if she never does until I ask for it?

Any thoughts?

[michelle23]

Ask her does she not like giving oral? Maybe she lacks confidence and is afraid shell do it wrong. Talk about it. Communication is key.

[FlaCooln]

Ask her does she not like giving oral? Maybe she lacks confidence and is afraid shell do it wrong. Talk about it. Communication is key.

I agree communication is key. But, it is also the way you ask....

If your are a puss about it and like, "hey you think you could give me a BJ", or "would you mind giving me a BJ" she probably wont be excited to do it. Rather, be more aggressive....and say "I really like BJ's it is about time you start returning the favor."

I don't beleive in asking for sex or BJs though. I usually just let my GF know that I love and expect BJs and I don't want to have to ask for them. I don't need one everyday (I actually prefer sex, as it is more connected), but from time to time its a really nice for you to surprise me with one. Its so important to be open sexually and to discuss things. I let my GFs know up front that I am a very sexual guy, that I love to show and receive affection, and that I will walk by and caress her butt, grab a boob, or just go in for a quick passionate kiss. It does not mean I want sex right then, rather I just love touching a woman's body and enjoy showing my affection and desire for her.

One of my favorite things to do is when she is in the kitchen, washing up or something (usually because I did the cooking), to stand behind her and move her hair to the side and kiss her on the neck. The exGF used be like stop (in a mean/angry way) I'm trying to get dishes done. This really killed me inside when I was just trying to show some affection and made me feel unloved a lot. While every other GF before loved it and would usually kiss me back or even playfully splash some water on me.

[michelle23]

Ya OP your not being unreasonable. Oral is a part of sex in a relationship. Most women need it every time as foreplay and its great you don't mind doing it. Men don't need it but its still nice for her to take the initiative and just do it occasionally just to satisfy you. She could also do it for a minute or two to warm you up before sex.

I actually enjoy giving oral-it turns me on and im quite good at it but at first when I didnt have much experience I was nervous about it. You just need to communicate. tell her straight youd love a bj every now and again. Say it casually over a cup of coffee or something. see if she initiates it

[Ann S]

"My (male) friends tell me to just ask for it, but I think it would be better if she did it on her own" - This is a recipe for you not getting what you want. Your GF is not a mind reader. Many people don't, "get," the HINT, so it falls upon you to initiate this conversation about oral sex and the fact that you love being in a relationship where it is reciprocal. Then find out your GF's history with oral sex - I don't mean the detail - but if she has ever done it, if she liked it, etc. Good Luck - Ann

[vashti]

Rather, be more aggressive....and say "I really like BJ's it is about time you start returning the favor."

I don't think this is a good approach at all.

[FlaCooln]

I don't think this is a good approach at all.

I disagree. I don't mean he as to be mean about it....just don't be a wuss...."excuse me, excuse me, can you please, very pretty please give me a BJ." How the hell is that suppose to turn a woman on?

You gotta be a man and just say, "hey I really enjoy making love to you and going down on you and I would appreciate the same."

Also, this comes from experience. My 2nd GF (really my sex coach lol; she was great taught me A LOT) told me if want a BJ say so, but in a confident way. If I was all timid about the asking for a BJ, she would be timid about giving me one and her heart would not be in it. If I was confident, she would get turned on and really go to town.

Come on do you really want a guy to be a wuss in bed and afraid? Hell no you don't. I don't mean he has to throw you up against the wall everytime and ravage your body. But, sometimes thats needed and in my experience you see a different side of her when you do it right. You must be confident in ALL aspects of your life and sex is one of them. Confidence leads to success both in your career and in relationships. By no means should you be an insensitve prick, rather you must consider a woman's feelings and desires. If you do so you will get what you want.

[Wakeup]

I prefer straight forward. Usually I don't have to be asked a well timed "suck it baby" is always nice when I'm wanting to feel dominated. If she doesn't want to, she won't and then you can negotiate, compromise, resolve and if you don't resolve then you're with the wrong woman/man. IMNSHO!

[michelle23]

Ya I agree. Theres nothing worse then asking for it. I hate talking about it "what way do you wana do it"? "I dont mind-what about you"? lol JUST DO IT!

give and take, compromise and communication about what you both like in the beginning is key.

But since it is an issue-you do have to bring it up. Its awkward but youll feel better once she knows your upset about it. Just ask her "do you not like giving oral, have you done it before"? and see what she says. Then you could tell her you love receiving it occasionally, and ask her does she feel comfortable with it?

[vashti]

How the hell is that suppose to turn a woman on?

I can tell you for SURE that saying "it's about time you returned the favor" wouldn't make my panties wet.

[FlaCooln]

I can tell you for SURE that saying "it's about time you returned the favor" wouldn't make my panties wet.

Haha lol. Well that was just what popped in my head at the time. I was a bit more tactful in my 2nd suggestion. But, its still better then being a wuss. And by no means is it mean.

Also, you gotta know your woman. Some are bit more passive and sensitve about sex, so you have to be more delicate and sensitive to her needs. Others not so much, and prefer a more aggressive approach. This can also change depending on her mood and the day, so i take notice of these things and govern myself accordingly. Maybe I'm lucky, but I have always been pretty good at reading people and seeing the signs and body langauge.

Take my date the other day, 1st date actually. We were having dinner and her leg touched mine and she did not move it, so I left mine there. Then she touched my hand so I put my arm around her and she immedietely recipricated by rubbing my shoulder. Then we looked at each other, got even closer, and she then kissed me. Now I was planning on kissing her, but she beat me to it. Read the tea leaves!

[michelle23]

lol he doesnt have to say it like that. ^^ I dont think he meant literally.

OP you dont want to upset her or make her feel bad about it. Be understanding but dont pussyfoot around the issue either. Be upfront. You are still in the early stages of this relationship and you need to establish whether you are compatable or not. Its better to figure that out sooner rather than later.

if she is completely against bjs then you should probably break up but I doubt thats the case. She may just be shy or nervous or lacking confidence. You may need to teach her what way you like it and thats fine if you do but its pointless doing nothing about it now. Just talk about it

[FlaCooln]

Thank you Michelle...at least you get me. LOL @ pussyfooting around. Love that term, cracks me up everytime I hear it.

[michelle23]

lol I have a few weird sayings. dono where I get them from ha!

[FlaCooln]

I heard one the other day from Betty White....

“Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”

Thats an AWESOME old lady!...lol.