Complicated relationship with a dancer

[nathoonder]

I've been going to this club for about three months now and have really fallen for one of the dancers there. She's the only one I've ever gotten a dance from and I have spent a small fortune on her. Our conversations are always lively, she seems to enjoy herself, I get her to laugh often, she's told me some personal information and it seems she just might genuinely like me, I'm not sure. I gave her my number about two months ago and she never contacted me but she also acted like it never happened and we just carried on as usual. A couple nights ago I offhandedly asked if she had a facbook just to make conversation. She said yeah and immediately offered to add me as a friend..Awesome!Right? Wrong. I don't have a facebook and I never regretted that decision until then! And boy am I kicking myself. I'm thinking about making one real quick and bringing it up again to get her to add me,would that seem weird? She DID say I should make one. I really REALLY don't want to make a facebook but I want to advance our relationship more than anything else in the world. Should I just ask for her number? I mean why would you add someone on facebook but not take their number? When I first started seeing her I asked if she would ever date someone she met on the job and she said "no because you never know who the person really is". So could this be her way of testing the waters?

[Ann S]

Not to sound cynical BUT - Dancers are NICE and CHARMING to guys for MONEY!!!!!!

" I want to advance our relationship" nathoonder!!!!! YOU are a customer - and THAT IS the, "relationship."

You already asked her if she would ever date someone she met on the job - and she said, "NO!" How is that, "testing the waters?" Do you take the answer, "NO," as an invitation to go further? If so, YOU need some help.

I hope you stop going back to this club because all it is doing is feeding a fantasy! But, on the other hand, if fantasy is where you like to hang out, then be my guest. But all you'll get is more money spent and less satisfaction!

Or do you have the, "Pretty Woman," fantasy? Ann

[pcmaster]

I suggest you try to date her but dont use club as reference but just conntact her as new character. In this way you wont be someone from club but from real life. You can use facebook to ask her out.(look for some guides on youtube - correct set up texts and profile with pictures will make it easier - increase chances to get response) If I were a girl I wont date guys from club cause ofcourse they would feel atracted after dance. Rather someone from outside the club could be more atractive whos interest is less sexual but more personal evolved.

Basicaly facebook and phone is just a bridge to meet her in real life. In your place I would set up facebook profile(if I couldnt get her number) and then just go from zero. Act like I dont know her and really be interested about her asking question and ofcourse asking on casual date without hesitating.

[pcmaster]

Or do you have the, "Pretty Woman," fantasy? Ann

That could work - guy didnt treat her like a slut at all. At least not from the beggining lol. Watch the movie, maybe her life sucks aswell and she never met a man who would treat her like a something more than a sexy toy.

[michelle23]

classic insecrity case here. lmao

[nathoonder]

@Ann Oh she drops the nice and charming dancer persona with me. I feel like she's real with me.

I asked her that quite a while ago and maybe I changed her mind. I mean why else would she offer to add me on facebook if she wasn't semi interested in me?

[nathoonder]

@pc Thanks for the advice. I'll probably suck it up and make the facebook tomorrow against my will. I really am interested in her already and ask her questions on a personal level every time I see her.

[pcmaster]

My ex added me on the facebook and didnt even reply to my messages.

[nathoonder]

Odd. Hope that's not what happens in my case. I was half tempted to just ask for her number then and there but decided against it. I just hope it doesn't seem weird the next time she sees me I have a facebook after we talked about it.

[michelle23]

according to robert weiss-men who try to become a stripper or prostitutes favourate client have deep rooted insecurity issues and low self esteem.

just something for you to think about OP-perhaps counselling will do you good.

shes a stripper-she has tons of insecure clients like you who would probably like to date her. she just wants your money and she prob finds you repulsive. no offence

[Ann S]

"why else would she offer to add me on facebook if she wasn't semi interested in me?" Those of us on Facebook have hundreds of, "friends," that we aren't interested in! We have hundreds of ACQUAINTANCES there who we barely know and who certainly aren't in our inner circle. I think you are being led down the garden path. You feel like she's, "real," with you? When does the exchange of money happen? Ann

[VincenzoG91]

Dancers are people, too. It's possible that you might date her and get into a relationship. But it is entirely possible that she would rather just have you as a regular customer. And don't even dream of getting her to quit her job, she probably makes more money than most people, and certainly more than she can probably make with a normal job. And if you can't deal with the idea of a girlfriend who works as a dancer, stripping in front of strangers all the time, then just move on.

[Ann S]

Michelle - YOU are so right!!!! The strippers I have helped have histories from hell or addiction problems.....without exception! Ann

[HeartIsAching]

Lets see:

She dances for money.
You spend a lot of money on her by your own admission.
She sits and visits with you and is friendly.
You gave her your number and she never called.

Verdict: You're her client. Move on. Stop spending money on strippers. Look but don't touch gets old.

[nathoonder]

Oh I admit I have serious self-esteem and insecurity issues. I've had counseling recommended to me by several other people but that's a lot of money to pay to sit and talk to someone asking me probing questions about my childhood.

The thought of her finding me repulsive makes me feel horrible. It wouldn't make sense though. She's told me I'm the most respectful customer by far. Why would she share so much about herself if she thought I was repulsive? Why would she OFFER to add me on facebook if she found me repulsive?