Can I have an advice/opinion about this issue?

[coldymccrae]

Hi all,

My last of 4 years relationship ended in bad way and ever since that,I don't take love things seriously.
I decided to move to another country and even planned to adopt kids.My family and friends tried to
convince me that marriage is important and so they set up blind dates and introduced me few good men.
But I'm not even fall for any one of them.I went out to to dinners and movies with each one of them just
to show respect to my family & friends.Of course,no sexual activity occur.

Just when I was close to move out,I met one man from the internet.I know him 2 years ago but never
bother to talk to him and last year,we became friends.He is 19 years older than me.

I know that he has been single for 20 years and he knows my idea of adopting kids.I even tell him that if
I want to get pregnant,I may fly to his place and ask him to donate his sperm since we're good friends.
Also,I know that the reason he stays unmarried because of feminism and divorcement issues and I stay unmarried
because of I'm afraid of being hurt and left again.

But then,after 6 months...I realize I actually love him and he told me that he has strong feelings upon me too.
Ever since that,we act like a real couple (but through internet) He sent me stuffs,I sent him stuffs.Everywhere
I go,I buy him things,I buy things for his parents and he even introduced me to his parents via cam.Now that I
know his mother has introduced me to his other family.And once,I asked him whether I'm his gf or what because
he was accidentally telling me that the cousins will feel jealous because he has a beautiful gf and I shouldn't feel
worry of his family since they all like me.He told me this "We are friends and a little bit more than that".
One time,I asked him again and he said "I'm a little bit slow and I agree that we should get to know each other better"

I told my parents about his existence and they gave me 2 years to prove this as they afraid that I may not be
serious.

Now what makes me afraid is...is this sounds like he's playing around?Or he's afraid to move further because of
feminism issue?Or he is being serious with me.Sometimes,I feel weird with myself.We go through our days just like
normal couples but we're not a couple.I even go to sleep sniffing his shirt and he told me how he imagine of our kids look
like someday.

I'm afraid that if I fly there to his country,meeting him.Things will not be what I wanted it to be.So all of this thing
is kinda wasting.I have a life,I'm a working woman and I do want to earn my doctorate before I turn 33.

So what do you think?

[basilandthyme]

You're worried that he's playing around.....but you say that you want his sperm because you're such good 'friends'. If he's only a 'friend' then he can 'play' with anyone he chooses.

You're worried that he's afraid to move further because of the feminism issues....but you stay unmarried because you're too afraid of getting hurt. If you're holding back, then he'd be wrong to push you.

Unless both of you address your individual issues, this cannot progress.

[Valixy]

The way your internet relationships has been going for one year sounds good to me, taking in consideration that you were not in a hurry and neither was him for different reasons that each of you explained. So this long distance romance was convenient for both you for your particular reasons. You seem to need more now, only natural, but he doesn't seem to take the initiative, so instead of feeling disappointed, maybe you should. Definitely visit him sometime soon at a convenient time for both you and see what happens from there. You could both be pleasantly surprised or discover that you are not so compatible as you thought you were. This happens in long distance relationships and any other kind of relationships. What I don't think you should do is totally leaving the initiative responsibility on him without trying to take some yourself or give up without a face to face to encounter. None of you should invest emotionally more than you've done until now without having the chance to meet the real person. Aalways taking care that you're safe, of course. I hope all works out for the best!

[stan92964]

Love is the 2nd highest human need after food and shelter. Everyone wants and needs love in their life ... some just don't want to admit it because of fear. I believe with all my heart that there is someone out there for everyone. After-all there is more than 125 million people that are members of dating sites looking for love. With that many, it's just an average cross-section of society ... some good some bad. Just learn to ask the right questions so you will know. Invite him to come and see you and see what he says. It shows more of a commitment for him to make the effort to come and see you ... then just get to know him better and see where it goes. Dating is an investigative process ... see where it goes and be willing to accept the outcome and move forward in your life accordingly. If he doesn't turn out to be right for you try again ... remember there is 125 million single people looking for love just like you are. Don't think for a second there isn't some one out there that will fit with you just the way you want.

[coldymccrae]

Hi all,

Thanks for your reply and sorry for the late feedback.There are no words to express except telling you guys how much I feel appreciated having you guys around here helping me.

[milly]

The most fearful thing to face is our past. Sometimes the opportunity to be happy just slipped through our hands because of our fear to get hurt. And so, by this, we mistrust, but we always wanted to love. WE crave for love. So we have to take the risk, do not take any shield. just be true to yourself, reciprocate the love and enjoy every moment of it. Stay contented unless he wanted to move on to the next level.

[coldymccrae]

Dear Milly,

thank you friend,I appreciate your answer