He is happy with someone else

[Pixie01]

Mu my ex treated me so badly and now is with someone else and she seems so happy with him. Even when he was first "kepping her om the line" he was calling me up to 20 times a day (he became obbessive whem I broke up with him). He is now"offically" dating her (as of the day I blocked his number from my phone again). She seems happy with him. I told him to treat her right and he said he would because I showed hom how but he would rather treat me right. I hung up and he xalled repeatedly and I did not answer and finally changed my number. Now they are offically dating and she seems so jappy with the guy that lied repeaedtly to me, used $3500 of my money and wont pay me back. She is happy with the giy that manipulated ans controlled me. How come she gets to be happy with him when I tried EVERYTHING to make it work with him until I.became.depressed and had to leave him for my own sake. Why does she get to be hapoy with him... I meanht if they are happy long term?

[Pixie01]

Sorry about the spelling... Phone keyboard and all

[toknow]

If you don't like him then why do you still think about him and care who is and who isn't happy with him.

Controlling to different people means different things - can you be more specific. And if you thought he was controlling, same question as above.

You did NOT try everything, because if you did, it would have worked. There is solution to these problems, and it's love. That's all it takes.
If you have love you will be guided by it and you will naturally succeed in your relationship.

You HAVE to communicate, there is no other way about this, miscommunication is one of the biggest causes of relationships ending.

[davonr]

what are you saying please explain clearly

[Pixie01]

I do still think about him, but I can't be with him. He lied to me repeatedly (e.g. planned a sexual outing with an ex lover which I found out about on facebook or lied about having slept with a man that I work with- turns out he was bi and I didn't tell me until I confronted him). He used $3500 of my money and continued to give me his sob stories to get more money out of me until I finally left him. He manipulated me by being passive aggressive (e.g. if I sat on "his side" of the sofa he would not talk to me for two hours or if I didn't go get him Mc Donalnds for supper he would not talk to me the next day. If I did not give him a ride to his friends because he did not drive, he would walk and say "I will be home when I am not made anymore, maybe in a few days"). I tried to talk to him about how his actions affected me, and how I wanted him to help out with supper or getting a license or sharing the recliner on the sofa etc. I paid the bills, I did the shopping, I cleaned the house and I gave him and his friends rides. If I got upset he said it was my fault because "I didn't ask nicely" or because "I got mad and if I am mad than he tends to withdraw" or "I needed to ask while flirting"... I tried all of these things but there was always some new way and it usually ended up with me apologizing and doing what he wanted. I tried to talk to him over and over and finally was getting depressed and had to leave.

Now she has been with him for a week and seems so happy with him. I tried everything to make it work with him. To get him to see how he was treating me and to make it work.... and now she thinks "he is all that" and I wanted that with him... I feel sad and jealous that she gets "the good him".... I mean can he just change and suddenly treat her right?

[pcmaster]

The guy is shit but he created a lot of drama. And you are addicted to that drama you want that drug. That escape from your reality that gave you range of emotions.

Also you invested a lot(emotionaly and materialy) and that makes you even more attracted cause you put something in thats importand to you.

Here whats im talking about

youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=eFuMi36mg2k

[basilandthyme]

Why did you try everything to keep a man who treated you so badly? If you had an ounce of sense, you'd be glad to see the back of him.

As for his current girlfriend....well, you dumped him. What he does now is none of your business.

[Pixie01]

I am relieved to get rid of him but I feel sad at being single again. I have been single most of my life and wanted it to work so bad. When I sopped believing his promises.to change, I had to leave him. I left because I DON'T want eant the drama! But if he can go and treat someone else right and she ends up happy with him long term... Than it feels like somehow I did something wrong....

[pcmaster]

You was desperate and it showed, also you had low selfesteem and you believed that you deserve that shit. So he used it and gave you shit because you took it and took the good from you cause you gave it. You didnt wanted to be alone and let him treat you bad cause you wanted to be with someone and belived that things will go better one day.

[Valixy]

You obviously taught him a few important things about himself and how a relationshio should or should not be but maybe in the future you shouldn't allow this kind of situations. The man you meet is either equipped emotionally for a relationship or not and learn to recognize that and leave at the right time if he isn't, before investing too much in him. Or things end up hurting more than they should have.

Also I doubt his change is permanent. He was a really manipulative person with you and that kind of behaviour doesn't disappear that easily. He is either in the first stage of the romance when the masks people wear look very real or he is indeed trying his best, but sooner or later, his old self will show up again.

You did good in finishing the relationship with him and have no regrets on that. You deserve someone better and you will find that person at the right time.

[michelle23]

OP you had a lucky escape from him.

You dont need a man-you should only be with someone coz you want to be and coz he makes you happy. Not coz you have a fear of being alone.

Focus on being independent, confident, positive and happy on your own before dating again. You need to have a "f uck you" attitude like "hurt me once and you wont get a chance to do so again coz im too good for that BS".

People will treat you the way you allow them to and you need to grow a backbone and don't allow someone to walk all over you. Maybe you should consider some counselling as it sounds like you have low-self esteem and co-dependency issues. In order to attract a healthy person who will treat you right-you need to be emotionally/mentally healthy.

If you have doormat written all over you it makes you vulnerable to men who will treat you like dirt coz a healthy man will just ignore you.

I think you should completely forget that narcissistic ex of yours and let her have him. Its likely hell treat her like crap too but thats not your problem. You need to just focus on you and work on bettering yourself

[michelle23]

And if someone ever hurts you again-you walk away the FIRST time-not the tenth. People do not change and you cannot "fix" anyone.

Set your standards higher and dont settle for second best

[basilandthyme]

But if he can go and treat someone else right and she ends up happy with him long term... Than it feels like somehow I did something wrong....

He's treating her nicely because it's the beginning of the relationship. I bet he treated you nicely in the start too. As for long term, why do you think he'll treat her differently to how he treated you?

[Pixie01]

Thanks I did learn that important thing. Walk away the first time. I kept thinking if I tried harder or comminucated better that he would treat me better . I really don't think I fed off drama or took bad treatment because was insecure. If that was true I would have stayed with him for years and I didn't.

[michelle23]

well as long as you know your worth much more than that and set your standards way higher girl. Theres billions of people in this world-dont settle