Are men capable of real love?

[Boisdevie]

Boisdevie, I can reverse into a tiny spot - in a manual car, backwards uphill and over a speedhump all at the same time.

But I bet you can't do it whilst wearing a blindfold on a dark night in a snowstorm can you? Ha.

[basilandthyme]

No, I confess that I cannot do that.

[michelle23]

haha i hate spiders. i either get the dog to eat them or get bf to throw them out the window. my dog is a wuss so she normally prefers to play with the stupid spider till i scream lol

[smackie9]

Just wait until you need the car reversing into a parking space or theres a great big spider in the bath.

Ha I'm a tomboy and my email address is carchic.

[smackie9]

No his duty is to bring his tools when we go over to my mom's house for dinner....she's the one with a list.

[Wakeup]

Thanks for all your wisdom guys, but just to put a few things straight, I didn't mean that boys would be "rewarded" with sex if they "behaved" just that if their woman feels appreciated and loved, they will naturally get more as she will be all googly eyed and in love with them. An angry GF doesn't want to put out!! I have NEVER used sex as a weapon. Also, I only nag when I am expected to pay half or more of the bills and then do 100% of the housework, these days it should be fairer.
I have been slaving over a stove before cooking a big meal and the bin was full, I asked my BF to please empty the bin as I was cooking and he was playing computer games, and all I got was a "why do I have to do it??".
And I don't want to be put first all the time, but don't like to come last just because he knew I would always be there, so our plans got dropped because some mate he hardly likes wants to go for a beer, so I got blown off. Everyone wants to feel special and like they matter at least sometimes. One time when I found an ex had been fooling around behind my back, he said he had to go to golf with the boys before we could talk about it and left me hanging all day!

Thanks to those who have said that I am wrong and that there are men out there who can fit the bill. That is what I wanted to hear!!! (and I TOTALLY agree that girls can be just as bad).
I want to be crazy in love again someday and to have a great relationship where we are falling over ourselves to do sweet things for each other and make them happy, so to know there are men who like this idea is good to know!!

There just seems to be a lot of frogs (and ladyfrogs) to kiss on the way!!

You can get the man you want (an equal partner in chores and life in general) You just need to learn how to communicate your needs. Took me awhile to train a man that was spoiled rotten by his parents that didn't "allow" him to do a thing around the house so that when we moved in together he thought I'd just take over where his mom left off.

Obviously nagging only makes YOU upset until you finish being angry and then end up doing it yourself anyway or he does it but resents you. It's sad that his parents taught him to be who he is but it's not too late to change that if you can make him understand that his making you feel like his mother and he your son, then there is going to be a lack of libido and attraction soon or later for him and you. Who the hell wants to have sex with their son/mother?

Write a list of chores that you'd like to do and the one's that you think he should be doing and then go over it with him. Change it up or negotiate who does what until you're both satisfied with your duties. Make sure he knows your not his mother and You make sure you can detach and stop trying to control. (stop being his mother and hopefully, he'll stop being your son). He has no idea how you feel from the way he treats you with apathy and indifference by the sounds of things nor does he know or fear that you'll leave him for said apathy... so why should he change?

Good luck. Keep in mind that if you leave this one and hook up with another guy who's mother did everything for him (lots of those around unfortunately) then it's just going to be same shit, different day so finding a solution and resolving is in your best interests. Stop trying to micro-manage/caretake and make him aware through finding solutions.

[HeheMan]

Are men capable of love? Yes they are.

As far as "true love"? Get that rubbish out of your head. That sort of nonsense is for romance novels and not the real world.

As far as the rest of your post... No offense OP, but you sound like a naggy, entitled, insecure, self-centered woman. I hope one day when you grow up a little bit, you'll realize that the problem isn't "men are selfish and lazy" - the problem is **you** and your self-centered, unrealistic expectations. Nobody wants to be around a self-centered nag. **That** is what's ruining your relationships. When a woman starts to nag, it completely shuts down communication and makes the man resentful of her. He will try to avoid her as much as possible, and may even look for someone new (flirting with other girls - he's not doing it for an ego boost, he's doing it because you've become a bore and he wants some fun in his life that you can't provide since you've become a whiny naggy hen).

It's not entirely your fault. As a woman, you've been taught by society that you deserve to be loved like the special unique little snowflake that you are, and all you have to do is just find a knight in shining armor who will whisk you off your feet and willingly submit his entire existence to your service. In the real world, this doesn't work. There are thousands and thousands of women out there, as pretty, or even prettier, than you. There are thousands of women who are more attractive, more intelligent, more interesting, more fun to be around. You don't exist in a vacuum. There isn't a factory out there that churns out attractive, quality males. They're in limited supply, and the demand is high.

If you want to find a good, solid, loving relationship with a good guy - you have to **earn it**. Nobody is going to just give it to you; you don't "deserve" it just because you're a woman. Nobody owes you shit. You have to work for it for yourself. You have to find out what these sorts of men look for in a woman, and then cultivate those qualities. Hint: Men don't like selfish nagging self-centered whiny women. We already have one mother in our life, we don't need 2.

EDIT: Forgot to address the whole "If men did xxx they would get more sex and women wouldn't nag" part - The reason your relationships fail is because your relationships are all about CONTROL. "If you just did what I told you, I wouldn't have to nag you." -- Nagging is a form of control, a form of coercion. It shuts down communication and puts up barriers of resentment and resistance. Also, using sex to control your partner? No wonder they flirt with other women! You're setting yourself up for failure. You need to grow up.

[HeheMan]

Personally I find this offensive.

Yeah me too.

Nobody has even called out how misandrist and sexist the OP is.

If someone had posted "are women capable of real love?" the forums would jump down that person's throat.

[michelle23]

actually hehe man i pointed out how offensive this is and told the OP to apologize to the guys on here.

i dont think she meant offence-sounds like shes just been unlucky in love and needs to change her type

[HeheMan]

I didn't mean that boys would be "rewarded" with sex if they "behaved" just that if their woman feels appreciated and loved, they will naturally get more as she will be all googly eyed and in love with them. An angry GF doesn't want to put out!! I have NEVER used sex as a weapon.

You are in fact using sex as a weapon. You are trading emotional fulfillment in exchange for sexual fulfillment. I got news for you here: Emotional fulfillment is a full time job. You're basically saying that in order for the man to get laid, he has to pander to all your silly feelings and make you feel "special".

No thanks, there are other women out there who will have sex with a man without all that nonsense attached. Hence: Flirting with other women.

I have been slaving over a stove before cooking a big meal and the bin was full, I asked my BF to please empty the bin as I was cooking and he was playing computer games, and all I got was a "why do I have to do it??".

Yes. Totally. He should just drop everything he's in the middle of and jump to your service.

our plans got dropped because some mate he hardly likes wants to go for a beer, so I got blown off.

This is because you're a nag and he would rather hang out with someone he doesn't even like at a pub than hang around with your nagging self at the house.

[Loot77]

Thanks for all the comments (even the ones which seem to tell me that I deserve everything I get, or don't as the case may be).
Apologies for any offence caused from my original post. As Michelle23 mentioned, I have maybe just been unlucky (and as heheman pointed out, unworthy) in love.
For the record heheman, I don't think I am that bad a person and am quite surprised you can apparently work out that I am from a few sentences.
Relationships are about give and take, but from my experience the more I give the more he takes.
I wanted a little hope, that's all.

[IndiReloaded]

If I was cooking a large meal and my partner responded "why should I" to a request for help, I'd find that rather rude of him. It would hurt my feelings.

Answer: Because I'm cooking right now and the bin is full and I still need it. It is unhygienic for me to take the bin to the trash while I'm working with the food we are going to eat. I also see that you are playing a computer game while I am working. Is it unreasonable of me to ask for this kind of help from you right now?

I do think he's something of a taker, if that is really how he speaks to you. Of course, it all depends on context. If you know he's completely shattered from a long day and he needs to dump his brain for a while, I might think twice about asking him anything. At least until he's had some time to unwind. Some women just dump on their partners the moment they show up. That's also rude. But his response is not a respectful one, either way. Beware.

[IndiReloaded]

How about: "sure honey! I can take it in 4:38...just gotta get me the next wave of juggernauts"

[FlaCooln]

Are men capable of love? Yes they are.

As far as "true love"? Get that rubbish out of your head. That sort of nonsense is for romance novels and not the real world.

As far as the rest of your post... No offense OP, but you sound like a naggy, entitled, insecure, self-centered woman. I hope one day when you grow up a little bit, you'll realize that the problem isn't "men are selfish and lazy" - the problem is **you** and your self-centered, unrealistic expectations. Nobody wants to be around a self-centered nag. **That** is what's ruining your relationships. When a woman starts to nag, it completely shuts down communication and makes the man resentful of her. He will try to avoid her as much as possible, and may even look for someone new (flirting with other girls - he's not doing it for an ego boost, he's doing it because you've become a bore and he wants some fun in his life that you can't provide since you've become a whiny naggy hen).

It's not entirely your fault. As a woman, you've been taught by society that you deserve to be loved like the special unique little snowflake that you are, and all you have to do is just find a knight in shining armor who will whisk you off your feet and willingly submit his entire existence to your service. In the real world, this doesn't work. There are thousands and thousands of women out there, as pretty, or even prettier, than you. There are thousands of women who are more attractive, more intelligent, more interesting, more fun to be around. You don't exist in a vacuum. There isn't a factory out there that churns out attractive, quality males. They're in limited supply, and the demand is high.

If you want to find a good, solid, loving relationship with a good guy - you have to **earn it**. Nobody is going to just give it to you; you don't "deserve" it just because you're a woman. Nobody owes you shit. You have to work for it for yourself. You have to find out what these sorts of men look for in a woman, and then cultivate those qualities. Hint: Men don't like selfish nagging self-centered whiny women. We already have one mother in our life, we don't need 2.

EDIT: Forgot to address the whole "If men did xxx they would get more sex and women wouldn't nag" part - The reason your relationships fail is because your relationships are all about CONTROL. "If you just did what I told you, I wouldn't have to nag you." -- Nagging is a form of control, a form of coercion. It shuts down communication and puts up barriers of resentment and resistance. Also, using sex to control your partner? No wonder they flirt with other women! You're setting yourself up for failure. You need to grow up.

AMEN brother!!

[michelle23]

OP if your unhappy in your relationship and you feel like you are being taken for granted I suggest you both write a list of all the things you love about each other and all the things you dont, talk about it, communicate and try to compromise.

If that doesnt work-you could try relationship counselling or else leave.

Nagging will not get you anywhere as it goes in one ear and out the other. Take action and try to communicate more effectively. It is also important to focus on the bigger picture. Little things like him leaving the toilet seat up or leaving dirty socks on the floor should not matter if hes great in every other way.

Ask yourself: Do I trust him? Do I feel loved? Am I happy? Does he respect me? Do we have fun together/laugh together? Can I depend on him?

If the answer is no to one or more of the above-Id recommend you dump his ass and find yourself a better man and keep the faith coz they do exist