Are men capable of real love?

[Loot77]

Hey everyone
I have a very jaded view of men, I am not sure why. Maybe because I have never experienced (or even seen really) a relationship where the man behaves in a way which I think is true love. I don't just mean like in the slushy movies (although WHERE do these movie writers get these ideas??? They are SO unrealistic!).

In an ideal world I want to be with a man who puts me first, notices the little things that make me happy and do them, who doesn't lie to me, who doesn't flirt with other girls for an ego boost, who does what he said he'd do, who I can rely on to be there, to have my back, who will put me before his mates sometimes.

I don't know if I am being unreasonable, if men can even be like this or if they really are biologically limited to being selfish and lazy.

If men treated women as I mentioned above, I bet men would realise that their women would stop nagging them, want more sex and that they'd get along better, like best friends.

So chaps, do I need to wise up and stop expecting men to actually be able to love???
Are men capable of true love??

[pcmaster]

Ofcourse some are able to love with all heart. Just you have to find that whole heart first.

What do you mean with "bet men would realise that their women would stop nagging them, want more sex and that they'd get along better, like best friends" - did you threated your man like this without saying him?

[Love'sReject]

Your expectations are completely biased.

[Loot77]

Hi PC master, I guess I did nag, but as a result of never having any help around the house or being let down about stuff and me always having to be the one who tried harder. I am no shrinking violet so I communicated my feelings.
I guess I always translated ex's behaviour as them not really loving me, and I don't know if I expect too much or (as my female cousin tells me) that's just the way men are (lazy and selfish).
Bottom line is (with me) if I am happy and feel like I am loved and seen as special, I will bend over backwards to please that person and want to make them happy back.

[Loot77]

Hi LR, what do you mean?? Please explain?

[Ann S]

How long do you date before you think you're in a, "relationship?" So many of us don't wait to see what our potential's character REALLY is! We think the, "lust stage," will last forever and are shocked when it doesn't. How many times have we heard, "But he was so nice until we moved in together!" (And then I learned he is a huge slob who expects me to wait on him and be his mother!) (To be balanced, guys, - or then I discovered she was a, "nagging bitch," who wanted me to cater to her every need!)

You say you want a man who puts you first, wants to make you happy, is truthful, has enough self esteem he doesn't need to get it from external forces, and is dependable.....my words. So why don't you SCREEN for that. If you did, you wouldn't be writing here. Ann

[Loot77]

I am talking after a few years, Ann. When people are settled and usually stop making an effort, I guess.

To be honest, I was hoping for a flood of "yes, men are really capable, you just haven't met the "one" yet, hang in there" replies, as I want hope.....never mind.

[Boisdevie]

Of course men are capable of true love. You clearly have not met the right one for you yet. It might happen tomorrow, it might happen in ten years or it might never happen at all.

[pcmaster]

The problem is most man work hard and when they come home they expect woman to take care of things in house. While woman might not understand that guy feels like he did what needs for family in work already. She sees only man whos sleeping on coutch and watching tv. I have the same mindset as women but when I come home im always a man. And if women is taking care of stuff than why bother her? No need to fix if its not broken.

[IndiReloaded]

In an ideal world I want to be with a man who puts me first, notices the little things that make me happy and do them, who doesn't lie to me, who doesn't flirt with other girls for an ego boost, who does what he said he'd do, who I can rely on to be there, to have my back, who will put me before his mates sometimes.

Define "puts me first". What does this look like to you?

Notices things that make me happy, doesn't lie or flirt, does what he says, can rely on, has your back... Yes to all.

"puts me before his mates". Again, what do you mean?

I don't know if I am being unreasonable, if men can even be like this or if they really are biologically limited to being selfish and lazy. Are men capable of true love??

Not unreasonable to what I said 'yes' to. The rest, you might be, depending. Some men are selfish and lazy, just like some women are. In my experience, men are more often clueless. Meaning they are focussed on their own thing and need to you tell them what you need or want. Guys want something.. they ask or take it. Women find this more difficult.

"are men capable of true love?". You need to explain what this means to you.

[Boisdevie]

The problem is most man work hard and when they come home they expect woman to take care of things in house.

Meanwhile back here in the 21st century you might find that women also go out to work. Apparently they are also allowed to do racy stuff like drive cars and fly aeroplanes.

[pcmaster]

Meanwhile back here in the 21st century you might find that women also go out to work. Apparently they are also allowed to do racy stuff like drive cars and fly aeroplanes.

Thats new to my. Thank you for updating me !

[toknow]

Loot77, you don't ask too much at all. True love exists. And in it all the things you mentioned are easily achieved.

True love seems illusive - ironically it's more real than anything in this world.

[Ann S]

OMG!!!!! I work just as hard as anyone - some looong days and when I get home, I AM TIRED! So, I could NEVER be with a guy who expected me to do EVERYTHING! Ann

[Ann S]

Boisdevie! Thank you for putting it much better than I did! YEAH for YOU! Ann