He always talks about himself when we're together. Help!

[shortyrock]

I've been getting to know a man for over six months now. We talk every day through text messages and the conversation usually flows great. He's always messaging me asking how my day has been and spends long nights on the phone asking questions getting to know me.

This all stops when we're actually face to face spending time together.

I end up sitting there just listening to him go on and on about himself. It's not a conversation. There's no input from me. It's just like I'm being talked *at*.

I don't get it. One of the things that initially drew me to him was how genuinely interested he seemed in getting to know one another. He'll talk about himself the entire conversation face to face, and once he's home, he'll text me "so how is the rest of your night going?" and the conversation will pick up from there.

Nervous? Not used to conversing in person? What's the deal guys? How would you want your woman to handle this? I don't want to seem rude or that I don't want to hear what he's saying.

[Love'sReject]

I'd have dropped them or at LEAST talked to them about it WELL before 6 months.

[pcmaster]

Just say its boring or you are not interested when he talks BS again. Turn your sholder or back - thats body language and he might get the hint. Say that you cant rub clit against his childhood memories and cant orgasm from his work stories.

[Love'sReject]

Maybe he is nervous and kinda screws up as a result. Why don't you take the opportunity to assert yourself and let this guy know how you're feeling? Bad characteristics tend to form in people because nobody has pointed it out to them. They think their behavior is acceptable.

[basilandthyme]

Do you really *want* to handle it? At only six months in, you're still in the getting to know each other period. You're now getting to know that the real him is not interested in talking about anyone but himself.

You could raise the issue (I have no idea how to give wording - sorry) with him - but unless he has an epiphany and makes a real effort to change, you really have to accept that this is who he is. The decision about a future with him is yours to make.

[smackie9]

You could say "Hold that thought" "Now can I say something?""Sorry but I would like to be a part of this conversation too."

[okwhat2013]

Well since he isn't like that over text, he is probably nervous. Once in person the idea of sexual contact is there and the fear of silence. There is a very simple solution, make him feel confident! Increase the touching, make it obvious that you are into him, and best of all is don't let him talk because you are kissing him. :-) honestly he is nervous and a lacking self confidence, not a bad thing, maybe he is really into you. Make it clear you are and if he still talks about himself, he is a loser and move on.

[Rowen]

I see you're from my country... He wouldn't happen to be from the New York City suburbs, right? lol

I only ask because I know a guy EXACTLY like this. I met him, and at first her seemed to be genuinely interested. But later on, when I met him? Well...let's just say that there's a reason why I refer to him as the vampire. He was sucking the life out of me, I swear because he'd go on and on and on, running over the same old topics he's always covered on previous dates and whatnot. In the end, it was too much for me, and I decided not to go on anymore dates- just keep him as a friend. The funny thing is that he found my silence as unappealing. He actually said that I needed to "step up" and challenge him in the conversations...even though they were all about him.

That being said, there are two courses of action I believe you can take. The first is that you can try to challenge him in discussion and jump in randomly, never expecting him to ask anything. If the mindset is the same as the man I went on a few dates with a while ago, you'll quickly find out if you can deal with it or if that's what he wants by doing this. However, the second option is the course I've taken- to express that you don't believe things will work out and to keep him as a platonic friend. In your case, if you want my opinion, I wouldn't say this is the safest bet due to the fact you've been involved with him for over six months now and I was only involved with the vampire for a few weeks-two months. But to each their own- either way, I would say that you need to seriously contemplate whether or not this is something that you can live with. Personally, I found that I could not live with a man like that. But everyone is different, so I'm not going to sit here and say that that's what you should do. Just seriously think about it and then make your decision because life is too short to be in limbo.

I hope this helps.

[HeheMan]

This guy sounds like a bore. You need to have a good sit down and chat with him about this.

[basilandthyme]

I'm not buying the 'nervous' idea. First date or two...sure....but it's been six months!

[Rowen]

I'm not buying the 'nervous' idea. First date or two...sure....but it's been six months!

I agree, it does not sound to me like he's nervous. Hopefully the OP figures out what's the best course of action, though.

[TablesandChairs]

He might be on the spectrum (as in, Asperger's). Someone I briefly dated had that...it wasn't obvious, except for the talking 'at' me bit...it was like a long monologue all to do with his day/experiences/interests/hobbies. Unless I interjected and basically *forced* myself into the conversation, he would just continue. It was usually really mundane stuff that most people wouldn't even mention...

[Rowen]

He might be on the spectrum (as in, Asperger's). Someone I briefly dated had that...it wasn't obvious, except for the talking 'at' me bit...it was like a long monologue all to do with his day/experiences/interests/hobbies. Unless I interjected and basically *forced* myself into the conversation, he would just continue. It was usually really mundane stuff that most people wouldn't even mention...

Oh yeah! It actually could be that...totally forgot about that. A friend of mine was involved with a guy with Asperger's for a little while too. The man was very driven and basically made conversation all about himself, at least from what my friend Tom told me. It didn't work out too well...because the guy started saying offensive things. He allowed my friend Tom to take him out on a date at a high class restaurant and proceeded to sit there and belittle what he's doing with his life (going for social services) while building up his own career working in the stock exchange. He even went so far as to say to Tom, "What are you going to do? I mean, you're over a quarter of a century old."

I think this is a possibility...

[michelle23]

What does he talk about? Does he just ramble on about nothing and bore you to tears? If yes, you should just dump him. People like that have very little emotional intelligence and normally dont make good partners.

I used to have my own little retail business (nothing major-just buying and selling products) anyway I tried to set up my own team and got stuck with this idiot. He was supposed to be a business partner but I swear he was the most irritating person I have ever met and in the end I stopped doing it just to get away from him. He drained the life out of me. Hed call to my house to talk "business" but instead hed keep changing the subject and just talk a load of shit and every time I tried to interrupt him and gear the conversation back towards the business-hed tell me another story about some band that he was in before or some rich dude he used to work for or his wife and how he went into her work to tell her boss to leave her alone blah blah blah. The man drove me insane.

Anyway people like that who just talk and talk and talk are normally living in some fantasy world where they love discussing their own self importance even though everyone around them just thinks they are ****ing losers. Id say there was a bit of a narcissist in him with all his ideas of grandeur and how perfect he is. Me and my bf got a great laugh slagging him off

If that sounds familiar-you should run for your life.