Love, loneliness, depression, suicide. My life feels a little like Romeos...

[PlugInBaby]

9 months ago I met the love of my life she loved me back. We dated and loved and then all of a sudden she disappeared. We are 15 her mom took her out of school and put her into a hospital be caused she overdosed. This was shortly after we met. She attempted suicide. For months I went with no contact at all with her, had no friends nothing exciting no affection for parents they just bitch and complain like always and say my day was good (lying). I became quickly depressed thoughts of suicide would quickly come and even faster go. Then my mom lost her job which had devastated her. Her boss lied and told everyone she came to work drunk ( she is a preschool teacher, well WAS). Christmas passed with no presents or thankfulness of each others company. Soon after Christmas though I got a call from my love, she told me everything:
She was raped as a little child by her dad (Her mom and dad divorced) and she thought of suicide at that young age.
She had eating disorders
Trouble in school
Loneliness until she fell in love with me.
We quickly became stronger together than ever, we were better people together than we were by ourselves. We literally did everything together and be and one. Here's something though, she was so depressed at one time, she told me horrible experiences of her being in therapy facilities over Christmas, being abused and raped and ignored by her dad at a young age. She fought often with her mom but then became close and her mom is very protective. I stopped her from being depressed, I reconciled her heart bringing goodness and hopes and goals for a bright future I brought her back into education, we told each other wonderful thing s and sadness was out of our pictures. She was fighting with her mom and had trouble in school, but I stopped that. I "exorcised" the evil people of her past like her dad and uncle and all the troubles. She was a wonderful healthy girl now. I stop her eating disorder and she did many wonderful things to me that made my life worth looking forward to.then one day she told me her mom called my mom a drunk, she had thought since my dad had drinking problems at times that she was just like him. My mom never drinks!!! And her mom and my love fought intensely for a week. Her mother grew to despise my mother and ( I'm assuming) the same feelings for me ( even though I did so much good to my love). So my loves mom once again caused problems for us. She declared that they were to move to Tennessee by the end of the month. This broke me...
Me and my love went in one last date. She said she would wait for me to rescue her and I told her ill will never stop loving her we talked of running away together and fantasized having sex and spending our lives together. We walked from school to my home without her mom exactly knowing since she had grown to not be fond of my family and her mom and my love had been fighting. Later that afternoon police stormed my home searching for my love and they stripped her away. Later on I fond out that my loves mom had told my parents that she would come pick her up from my house, but instead call the police to do her work instead. I wouldn't be surprised if she told them disgusting lies to get them to so it. It's been 3 months since then and I thought they moved away. I fell into deep depression (which I'm still in now). Until one day my mom happens to see them at he store. My love rushed to my mom and hugged her wishing us and me well. Her mom didn't since she apparently does not like us even though my mom did nothing wrong and neither did I. Saw hope suddenly since I found out they did not move away at all. Since then tough it been clueless. Not a peep from her. I cannot get in touch she has no phone never checks email. Her mom is keeping her from doing so. I am so close to going off the deep end because I'm afraid ill never see her again. Her mom might keep us from loving each other again, and that would destroy me. I've never felt love in life until her and no one at school knows how sad and mad I am. I have to pretend to be happy around others. I really want to become important in people's life's again excel at what I'm good at but I just CAN'T DOIT!!! Not with this depression, I have so little friends and people always pick on me like nothing's wrong with me I can't take it anymore. My swim coach yells at me all the time, and my parents are prone to fighting (lately they haven't though) I miss her as well on top of all this and if I could reach my love again, I would reconcile her mom I think I would be able to, but I'm afraid mere mom might not like me still and prevent there form ever being a chance to see my love again. I know where she lives but I can't just go through the front door. There seems to be no way to talk to her. This deep depression is madness and help is greatly appreciated. I'm afraid I might be suicidal as well.... I think about it and fantasize the sympathy from it a lot.... Please help sorry it's long. ;(

[PlugInBaby]

Bump.......

[Starnique]

Look, you really need to get help. You need to physically, in person tell someone about these thoughts you are having. You're 15 years old and you have all the time in the world. You will hurt a lot of people if you do what you're thinking of. Talk to your parents now and tell them how you're feeling and I guarantee you they wil get you the help you need.

[PlugInBaby]

Thanks for you thoughts, I means a lot no matter what. I'm still in the thick of it.

[IndiReloaded]

Hi sweetie - That's a lot to handle. Stick around until some other posters show up and post but meantime don't despair.

It's easy to get caught up in your feelings but remember that lots of people have been through situations like yours or more, so believe you *will* get through this, okay?

[Wakeup]

Try this, pluginbaby

www.kidshelp.com.au/teens/get-help/web-counselling

or:

http://www.kidshelp.com.au/grownups/getting-help/who-else-can-help/helpful-links/help-lines.php

If you need to talk to someone straight away, phone Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 and speak with a counsellor in person

Look into ^^^ they will help you.

[pcmaster]

Anyway man I know how it is to be depresed. What I did at your age was going to church and it did wonders for me. Also get with friends. Do some kind of hobby together or sports outdoors. Hight protein food(like meats) helps fight bad mood too. I would suggest try weighlifting or swiming, running. Thinking about suicide is normal after first girlfriend. The feeling is strong I know but it goes away eventualy when you start to live. In fact suicidal thoughts is healthy cause you see the end of suffering and its easier to survive hard times knowing that there is escape from that. Its easier to suffer when you know you can end it - even pain have limits it dont go beyond death, its not eternal. Pain is temporary.

Here is example. Professor did experiment with rat - he put the rat into bowl with water and let it swim. After 15 minutes rat drowned. Now he took rat and placed it in a bowl for 5 minutes and lifted it out and placed again. Now rat were swiming for 8 hours until finaly drowned. Now the rat didnt know that she will be lifted out of water but did hoped for it cause it happened before.

Now if you survive this dark stripe in life then you will never want to do suicide again, know from my experience. You have to continue(and add even more) hobbies that you had before you met a girl. Outherwise life will feel empty. Same thing with friends.

Now I understand you wana help the girl, save her. But you can help her only to a degree you can help yourself. Sometimes the best way how to help someone thats close to you is becoming best version of yourself. Become stronger. You dont want girl meet you accidently on the street miserable, believe me. Infact she dont want you to be sad or alone or weak. We dont die for those who we love. We live for them.

[PlugInBaby]

The person today said " you are young immature for this situation and should forget about it. I WON'T!!!!! What do I do?
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[Wakeup]

What person said that?

[PlugInBaby]

A counselor at school and my mother said along th same lines

[Wakeup]

Have you seen a therapist outside of school, Plug? I think if you have someone to talk to you one-on-one who will guide you through all this would be a really good thing for you. He'll explain to you about life and how we all have moments like yours that we do indeed grow out of if we allow ourselves that grace.

Has you talked to a doctor about your depression? Did you follow the link I posted?

[pcmaster]

Well they are right. Because you cant change it. All you do is being sad and nothing changes. No one benefits from that. Let it go and move on idiot. Once you become happy again you will have enought power to change your life how you want it. But now past is ruining your presend and holding back the future. Its PAST. As longer you hold on to it as more miserable you become. As you can see on yourself already. You dont even know what to do yet not taking advice from profesional and your mom, that does not make sense man.

Its like you in the midle of the sea and holding to rock that drowns you deeper when your mum is giving you the life ring but you just dont accept that ship is drowned.
Here is something that could help.

youtube.com/watch?v=KriZHsiiYPg

youtube.com/watch?v=Ok0y5ZbObDg