Is it fine to date other people in the beginning of the dating game?

[searock]

It sounds like the European version of dating is what we used to have in the US back in the 50's and is more like what we used to call "courting." What we call dating now, is sometimes even called "hanging out" here. Then you have "hooking up" which usually involves sex without any expectations and it sounds like the Europeans don't even do this. Although your James Bond was actually pretty good at it.

Yes we have one night stands and hooking up... it's just that dating is something else. If you go on an actual "date" with someone (dinner, movie, etc) then it's implicit that you are looking for a relationship. It might or might not work out with that person, but you're going to at least give it a try (i.e. not see anyone else for as long as you're dating).

If someone is single and not looking for a relationship, it's perfectly normal for them to hook up with people at parties and other social occasions, or even to have NSA sex with fvck buddies. It's just not "dating".

[dem862]

Well, if you are having good, regular sex with somebody, but there is no possibility of a long-term relationship, then how are you supposed to find someone you want to be in a relationship with? Are you supposed to stop having sex, just to "date" somebody else who might or might not work out?

[michelle23]

i dont know anyone who has done the fwb thing. the people i know who sleep around regularly have not been in any kind of "relationship" for years. that goes for the men and women.

[searock]

Well, if you are having good, regular sex with somebody, but there is no possibility of a long-term relationship, then how are you supposed to find someone you want to be in a relationship with? Are you supposed to stop having sex, just to "date" somebody else who might or might not work out?

Friends with benefits. It usually doesn't last for long though, since one of the two will start having feelings for the other person and/or one of the two will find someone else they are actually interested in (but I think this is pretty universal).

If someone is in a FWB arrangement and meets someone they seem to like and want to date, then they will stop having sex with the FWB during the time they are dating that person.

[IndiReloaded]

So what was the consensus on this question? IMO, it's fine to date multiple people. I did it. But never more than coffee + perhaps lunch and no touching except for a handshake. The only rule is to be respectful to yourself and others.

That said, when you meet someone you want to be exclusive with, or at least want to give it a go, you will know. My SO asked me this flat-out on our 3rd date and knew he would be asking by our 2nd.

[YoungCosmo]

What is the fixation with the number 3, by the way? One would think 5 dates and then ask to be exclusive. 3 is so few.

[michelle23]

you either feel it or you dont. if your not feeling it on date one, you may give date 2 a try just to see if its any different but in general your either interested or your not and theres no point dragging it out for a month or two if your not.

5dates is a waste of their time if you know on date 2 or 3 that your not interested

[YoungCosmo]

What if you're interested and know it around 2-3 but don't want to look too interested? and also to really learn more of their character before making a decision?

[IndiReloaded]

Not a fixation. I agree with you; I think it takes 3-5 dates to get a sense of a person in different environments. You'd be appalled to know my SO decided to marry me after the first date. I thought if I posted that straight off, though, it wouldn't have the same impact. My story is unusual.

you either feel it or you dont. if your not feeling it on date one, you may give date 2 a try just to see if its any different but in general your either interested or your not and theres no point dragging it out for a month or two if your not.

5dates is a waste of their time if you know on date 2 or 3 that your not interested

This^.

[smackie9]

Then you have people come on here to complain that there was no 3rd or 4th date, and felt they should have been given a better chance. And there are those who bitch and complain about how first impressions count and they shouldn't. Everyone is different when it comes to dating, that is why clear communication is needed so if you both find each other not on the same page, you can part ways quickly with out any confusion. There are so many that have to post here and ask "Why did they lose interest?" how about this....they just did, and you just accept it......move on and stop whining.

[michelle23]

i agree with that. my friends come to me when a 1-3month thing didnt work out all upset and crying. i think they are crazy lol. i just say boohoo a month is nothing-get over it.

ive never cried over anyone. i think its ridiculous to be that upset over someone you went out with for a few months -move on

[YoungCosmo]

..unless you're like me...with NO chances to move on...

[michelle23]

stop that yc, new name, new attitude remember?

[searock]

So what was the consensus on this question? IMO, it's fine to date multiple people. I did it. But never more than coffee + perhaps lunch and no touching except for a handshake.

If this is what you mean by "date", then I guess it makes sense. I'd call that "meeting up and getting to know someone", and it's ok to meet several new people at the same time. As soon as things become "romantic" with someone though, I'd stop seeing anyone else (even if I wasn't sure I wanted a relationship with that person yet).

I though that by "dating" you meant going out for dinner or something equally "traditionally considered romantic", or even kiss or sleep with someone. I wouldn't sleep with more than one person at a time, if I were looking for a relationship. I would find it disrespectful to all the persons involved.

[lamobatsman]

michelle- then would you classify my encounter any different? or did my situation mean i can date others?