What to do next .. ?

[tzz4fun]

I'll try to make this story as short as possible, but I have to give out some details so people can understand this specific situation.

So I've met this girl somewhere like 5 months ago, we first did online chat. We bonded a lot! We have so many things in common, it's like she's the female version of me, we basically think the same. She's like my mirror reflection. I live in a different city (she'll move there in autumn, for university, like I did) so we couldn't see each other very often. We then started talking more and more, we went out a few times, having a lot of fun, especially lately. The second time we went out, we visited a lake, it was a late evening, long story short I tried to kiss her. It didn't feel right for me neither, I don't know why I tried to do it (of course she backed off). I apologized for what I did, things became weird for a few days, but I started acting like before and things went back to normal. Oh, by the way. In that evening, she was kinda flirting with me, throwing snowballs at me and things like that. But I found out she was still recovering after a break-up with a guy (who was her first love) so I guessed she was being confused. We did a lot of trips together, in the mountains, driving, walking, we really had a good time, every time. And she never said "no" when I asked her out. I fell in love with her. Every time we were on a date she was finding a reason to touch me, or gently slap me or something (we are making fun of each other A LOT, of course joking). And last night we were in a park where I fell in love with her, she was talking to me and she was shaking, her voice was shaking, I was starring in her eyes a lot, she was doing it too, but she was very nervous, I could see that. I am a nice guy, I respect her and her needs, I was there for her when she needed me, but I'm not a wuss, please know the difference.
On our way back home I told her (kind of all of a sudden) that I fell in love with her, first she started laughing, because we laugh a lot, I joke a lot with her, I kept a serious calm tone telling her I was not joking. She told me something like "I'm still hoping that in a few minutes you'll laugh your ass off making fun of me". But when she saw that I was really serious about it she became quiet. After 5 minutes she said "I always have a reply for anything but now I am speechless"
Now, I don't know how she took it. She expressed herself using this: "It's like you want your father to give you a nice laptop but instead he gives you a monopoly game" and she told me that "things will never be the same, I won't be able to tell you all the small things in my life anymore, I won't be able to joke dirty with you" and so on ... I hope you get the point. She also told me that she "won't be backing off from me, like not returning my texts or ignore me". So, today we had a little chat, I told her that I want to meet and clarify some things, I don't want to leave things like this. Now, I don't want to say all I have to say and I want her to see I'm a man and not a wuss for expressing my feelings (even though I was, for taking away all the mystery in the "relationship"). Before I dropped her home, I asked her to think about having a serious relationship with me. I also asked her not to give me an instant reply, but to think about it.
Oh, today it was like this:
Me: I'm picking you up on Sunday, I want us to make some things clear.
Girl: What kind of things you want to clarify????
Me: Things. I don't want to leave things like this
Girl: Ok, there are some things we need to clarify. Because I want John (my name) back. The 3-days-ago John )
Me: I'm the same John. But the one you want will never come back...
Girl: I don't care how, make him come back )
Me: I won't ignore you from now on, or act like I never met you. We'll see what we'll do next. And about that last thing I asked you last night, forget it. I gave it some thinking and I understood some things.

So, basically I was kinda' rejected, but not all the way, she didn't say "let's just be friends". She's a very mysterious girl, pretty and hot, but she's got a big heart and a strong character. What I'm saying is that there are a lot of guys who like her, but I know she turns down a lot of them, before dating, and she never refused me once, I was always there for her. So, tomorrow I will meet her to clarify the freakin' things.

Any advice what I should do next? I'm not giving up on her, I'll be patient and wait for her. But what should I tell her? What should I tell her that I want from us now? If I'll scare her with something like "If we won't be together, you'll lose me forever" I'm sure I will be the one to lose her forever, she gets enough attention from friends. She will never make the first step, I'm sure about it. Btw, she's a scorpio woman, but not 100%.

[tzz4fun]

By the way, I am very good with words, I always have a reply for anything and so is she. (well last night she went speachless but she was somehow smiling now and then, something like "how could you tell me this?") Can I "negotiate" something?

[Wakeup]

Bottomline: If she's not doing you, (or at least acting like she wants to but isn't quite ready yet) you're her male girlfriend.

[tzz4fun]

Bottomline: If she's not doing you, (or at least acting like she wants to but isn't quite ready yet) you're her male girlfriend.

You got it all wrong, she's not that girl. She seems a lot like an extrovert but she's not. And she's 19 and a virgin, I know that for sure. So thanks for your no-advice.

[Wakeup]

I think you've misunderstood my post. You want her for a romantic girlfriend. She wants you for her male girlfriend. You have been friendzoned by all accounts

Google "Ladder Theory" and read about being placed on the friends ladder. Virginity has nothing to do with her attitude towards you. Even virgins kiss the guy they're attracted to. She won't even let you do that.

[tzz4fun]

I tried to kiss her basically on our first date, when she was all broken because of her ex. After that, I was seeing her like my girl friend, not girlfriend. But on our next dates she was always finding a reason to touch me or become more close to me with each date. That's why I'm confused. Was she more confused than me? So women really have no clue what they want? Or they know too well and men can't read them well enough.

[Wakeup]

She knows exactly what she wants. Just going by your Opening post, she wants your attention, she likes you because you make her laugh and you're non-threatening (just like a same sex friend would do) Once you told her your feelings (My suggestion: don't do that anymore unless it's clear the girl you're pursuing is on the same page as you)You changed the dynamic of boy friend. She wants the John back from three days ago. (good for you for telling her that wasn't going to happen).

She didn't say "lets just be friends" because she's afraid to lose the attention in the manner you're currently giving to her.

Of course, I could be wrong but a good way for you to find out is to do exactly what you're doing and get clarification and if her actions don't start showing you that she's attracted and wants you as her boyfriend, then you'd do well to back off and reel in your own feelings before having anything further (if at all) with her.

Just my 2 cents. Hopefully some others with chime in as well.

[tzz4fun]

You are probably right. So in your opinion, what should I tell her tomorrow? I am not preparing a speech or something. I feel I should tell her things like "We can't be friends. I can't be there for my friends all the time they need me, I don't want to kiss them (I don't know if I should include "have sex with them" since she's a virgin + she can think I only look at her in a sexual way) or hug them till their bones break and my pulse reaches 200, I can't open myself 100% to a friend etc." Do you have a better option? I think you convinced me you know the sh*t you're talking about

[Wakeup]

Tell her your girlfriend doesn' like you hanging out with her anymore Joking.

At this point the toothpaste is already out of the tube. Ask her to tell you whats in her heart and head and then when you get her answer, I think you're a smart man that isn't going to foresake his own good sense and his own well being by wasting his time ... you'll figure out what to tell her and how you'll proceed fromt here on out.

Good luck.. Let us know how it goes.

[tzz4fun]

One more thing. She didn't tell me "I want to be just friends" or something like that. But I know what's going on, she doesn't have to be direct. I'm pretty sure she's expecting me to tell her that I don't want to lose her at all, and I'm fine with being just friends, or something like that. I will do the exact opposite. For sure I'm letting her know we can't be just friends, but she is very stubborn and vainglorious (I think this is the word, English is not my mother language) and this could be the end of it. But since she never actually told me what she wants from me, can I "negotiate" a relationship with her? Once I do that, I'll keep it going. I'm ready for a relationship and I'm ready to give 100% for her, but I expect the same 100% from the girl.

[tzz4fun]

As a starter, I think I'll use this "my girlfriend did not agree seeing me with you anymore, so we broke up, I'm available now" ofc, I'll make it obvious that I'm joking )) as a starter ... Thanks for your advice, I'll let you know on Sunday.

[Wakeup]

Let her tell you how she feels and what she wants with you. Then you decide. You shouldn't have to "negotiate a relationship" with anyone that actually wants you in that way so I'll not say anything more on that.

[tzz4fun]

Let her tell you how she feels and what she wants with you. Then you decide. You shouldn't have to "negotiate a relationship" with anyone that actually wants you in that way so I'll not say anything more on that.

The only thing you are missing is that she's been in love with her first boyfriend, they broke up more than a year ago. And they also broke up in February ) They are classmates so it's pretty difficult for her. He broke up with her, telling her nothing and got another girl. Then he broke up with that girl and got back together with my girl. For 10 days ) And after another 2 days he went back to the other girl. So he broke her heart TWICE. As far as I noticed she started to get over him, all I'm saying is she is confused. She might have problems trusting men, especially that she's a scorpio. But if she needs time, I can't be there for her, I don't know how much time she needs. I really fell for her and I know that you, being a woman, won't believe me when I tell you this: I don't like her for her looks (ok, maybe that's 30-40%) but for her being her. Every time I say something that I like to do, or what I like, all I hear is "me too". We are like two puzzle pieces. I like to cook she likes doing dishes. I like the outside part of a bread, she likes the inside.
So we have like 80% things in common and 20% things which are a perfect match (like the weird examples I just gave you).

[Wakeup]

You don't want to be with a woman that has past relationship baggage still... nothing good ever comes out of that for the rebound person (that would be you).

... and just because you're compatible it doesn't mean she has romantic attraction for you. She may (doesn't sound like it though) but compatibility is no gauge for romantic attraction. We have friends that we like because we are compatible afterall.

[tzz4fun]

Damn you are one smart woman! I mean I wanted to let the girl think I can't be friends with her and I want to move on and bla bla. But after your piece of advice I'll go confident and I will really mean what I'm gonna say. That I need to move on and that I can't be her pal. Thank you miss Canada!