Help! Falling in love with married man?!

[Wakeup]

THANK YOU. Thank you for giving me what I asked for. Advice. Thank you for speaking to me like I am a human being and not something horrible and disgusting stuck on the bottom of your shoe. Everything you said I have either felt myself but managed to suppress or already knew just didn't want to admit it to myself or hear it from anyone else, which would just confirm that there is no happy ending and that the only way out of this is to leave. I really do appreciate your advice. I think what you said was the final confirmation and kick start I needed to get up the strength to deal with this and move on. Thanks again!

Let us know when you leave. Should be interesting to see if you've left your job on Monday of next week or years from now when you yourself became "accidently" pregnant from this guy and he's still with his bipolar wife and has no intentions of leaving her. Words are just words if there is no action to back them up.

For your sake, hope you're not just blowing smoke up your own hiney.

[michelle23]

Ya let us know when you ditch him and your bf. Hope you get an invite to his wedding to the next girl wholl hopefully treat him better than you do

[bcgirl]

This is nothing more than a school girl/puppy dog crush. The fact that he is married and you have a bf makes this situation all the more thrilling and taboo shaking up your inexperienced sexual appetite to want to subconsciously explore. You really don't know who is is but the bits he portrays to you at work. So you sleep with him once, you really don't think harder feelings will become involved? Lets say you do... If he ignores you at work you'll feel embarrased and used... If he doesn't it will lead to another secret sex romp which will develop into a habit which will be harder and harder to break than this little dilemma you are having. Till one day you'll be 25 with your second ever boyfriend who is married while all the girls are in normal relationships with guys their own age. There is no good that can happen in this situation, only bad. If he hasn't ditched the wife after several years of marriage, what makes you think he'll want to make a 23 yr old stepmom to his 6 yr old?

[Rowen]

If you want some constructive advice: Get rid of both the men in your life and get some therapy and learn how to be a person with self-respect, morals, dignity and integrity before you meet another man.

but your not gonna do that are you?

Michelle, you, Wakeup, and I are preaching to the choir.... This OP's too close to the tree to the forest, and she's not going to listen to anything we say. I just hope she names the baby Bliss after her dream-world she's living in...

[Zaz01]

The worst thing here is IMO, she doesn't find him attractive. Realistically, how long can you be with someone you don't find attractive? And stakes are high here. Her relationship, his marriage, his daughter...not saying it can't work out sometimes but she doesn't find him attractive? Might seem shallow but I think physical attraction is an absolute must. Maybe she is just drawn to power or his maturity or something....something he has that she is lacking. She could probably find it someplace else. Just my opinion.

Realistically, the more we consume something, the less we're infatued with it. Sex is no different. If therr is no attraction brfore you haven't had sex....imagine after a year or two...there will be even less attraction..and it's a parent we're talking about.

OP misses something in her relationship, she is drawn to some traits that this married man has. My advice....identify those traits...find them in someone else. Don't get involved with a married parent you don't find attractive.

[okwhat2013]

For one, I can't stand when people started bashing people when it I obvious that actually having serious emotional distress. It's similar to a drug addict asking for help, saying I know it's wrong but I can't stop thinking about it. Honestly, there is a lot worse than a woman loving someone who is married. With thy said, my honest opinion is that your are atrracted to this man because of his position at work, you even said it yourself, he is everything. Yea he might be in the context of the restaurant but not in life. This is basic woman sex appeal, 101, take his "power" away by hanging out with him in the real world and it might not feel so exciting. However, I think I believe in true love no matter how they meet and whether they are already with someone else, hell life is short. I would tell you to go for it if I thought it was the case, but sorry, I don't think it is. If you loved him, your post wouldn't be about you, it would be about him, trying to understand where he is in this mess and making sure you do everything possible to make sure in the end you do what is best for him.

[Zaz01]

Great post IMO.

[Wakeup]

Esoteric BS IMO.

[surfhb2]

Interesting! Most people in this world manage to avoid all thus unnecessary BS.....what's your excuse ?

[TablesandChairs]

You're 23 - what are you lacking that has made you infatuated with this 36 year old married man with a child? Are you unhappy in your relationship? Do you have enough direction/purpose in life? (you're a waitress? Are you doing anything else?) At your age, I wouldn't have given this guy a second thought, and I worked with 'powerful' men too.

Maybe it's as simple as an infatuation; becoming obsessed with what you can't have. But you're a grown up now so utilize your logic; if you had him 'fully', would you want him? Is this the guy you want to be with forever? If not, why mess with a marriage? It doesn't matter what he tells you about his 'bi polar' etc etc, it could all be a very subjective story.

[Paul07]

^^^^Well that was just your specific situation and the way your GF at the time did things. That doesnt happen with everybody. Of course a child comes first, as they should and any man that dont understand is childish and the woman is better off with him anyway but no thats not always true. that was YOUR situation.

surprising how easily people accept and understand when natural parents anywhere in the world speak about how much their relationship has changed after having children but god forbid a step parent admitting that he/she is struggling to adapt or unhappy with the situation.


probably only half of the natural parents couples succeed to become stronger and happier after having children but the others struggle for a long time, speak about how they have lost their attraction for each other, how they don't have time for one another anymore, how they struggle financially, how stressed they are and before you know it, they end up falling for someone else, separating, divorcing.


it might not be right but it's the reality of many couples that have children nowadays and this is something that people understand, because having children is wonderful but not easy and we all agree that they completely change a relationship.


well, step parents are just as entitled to admit that a relationship with non biological children and on top of everything an ex, can be difficult, stressing and emotionally challenging because most of the time it really is and some step parents succeed to be happy that way and some don't and it's nothing wrong with that.