well it was perfect

[riddle_box]

Hey all,

feel a bit of an idiot on this one as i tried to resolve it but it went badly.

Basically from the age of 2 i was abandoned, mum dad, family.

Every relationship i ever had all ended in the same way.

I have no education yet i work in a top ftse company doing advanced maths for a living.

My current partner who i plan to marry next year broke down in tears because of the fact i don't need her.

I have explained i am with her because i want her not because i need her, i have never needed anyone.

Every relationship has ended with the same thing they go off and cheat because i don't need them and the desire to feel needed causes this for me, then they always wonder why i just cut ties and start over fresh.

The truth is all i have ever needed is to be wanted without limit, which is where the problem is she always restrains how much she wants me as the guys shes been with always got this side of her and it ended badly for her, which i understand.

I have sorted every issue out for her, and managed to get her the closure she needs on every issue she has had since she was 11 shes 28 at the mo.

I give her everything she asks for hints at and i always listen to her as it always freaks her out i can recall everything she has said for the past 3 years.

Our sex life should be great as i can get her to climax she passes out for upto 5 min at a time, i never ask her to perform acts on me due to the bad experiances she has had in the past, she just doesnt seam to want me.

I actually tried to open up last night about my life i have had and it didnt go very well she got very defensive about things even told me she doesnt need me that much and she does fine on her own.

this is why i never tell anyone about the life i have had. The reasons why i always get the cherry on top, the better than expected results because i just want to be wanted.

She wont even look at me know but she said she needs to be needed, so i told her what i need and she went nuts at me.

Any ideas ?

I always thought through life if i just get ppl what they want then thats my need filled

i feel completly destroyed and now i got her friends asking me if i would prefer them because they are willing to want me in the way i need which means she has been telling ppl.

[riddle_box]

guess what i am looking for is a course of action, is this another dragon to slay with a toothpick or do i just walk away and let it kill the villagers

[dem862]

I don't think anybody wants to hear they are not needed, even if it is true. Most people, especially women, would rather hear that they are special and mean something. I would never use the word "need" in terms of a relationship. It leads to feelings of being used. For example, I need you for sex, I need you to cook my meals, I need you to do my laundry, I need you to cut my grass, etc. But it sounds like you "need" a relationship to feel wanted, probably because of your abandonment issues. That is also a poor excuse to get into a relationship and implies using someone else to meet your needs. You should probably re-examine your reasons for being in a relationship and slay your own personal dragons before you attempt to save the villagers.

[riddle_box]

thats just it

i dont need her for
sex
food
washing
cleaning

i am with her because i want her nothing more i never ask for anything ever, all i need is for her to want me and let down her defence against this

i never told anyone or opened up like i did last knight and she said she doesnt need me yet if she were in other relationship would she really get treated so well and keep taking with out expecting to have to give things in return

i got her friends sending me naked pictures and asking me if i want them instead because they have always wanted someone who doesnt need anything

[Wakeup]

i got her friends sending me naked pictures and asking me if i want them instead because they have always wanted someone who doesnt need anything

I suspect those orgasms that make ya pass out for five mins might be the reason. O.O

so i told her what i need and she went nuts at me.

Just exactly did you tell her you needed?

[riddle_box]

That i just need her to want me.

But because of what others have done to her in the past she cant just want me she always restricts this. I just so need her to just want me.

Just so mad at her for telling her mates i was abandoned

Is it so bad to be wanted like she has wanted others

[smackie9]

Sounds like this is just a casual relationship and she won't give her heart to you. You just want her to love you.

[riddle_box]

Its been 3 years and wedding next year

But what ur saying is what i feel

[smackie9]

So is there a chance she is marrying you for profit? and not love?

[riddle_box]

No shes the homly type

Plus i only earn about $50,000 a year so its not like i am well off

[smackie9]

Well you can't force someone to love you, or love you more. Either it's there or not. If it doesn't feel right, then it's not, don't marry her.

[riddle_box]

Well i had a chat with her about it and she says its because she has been hurt before when she has thrown her self restraint away

It appears its more out of a habbit as shes been used before.

I asked for all the differences between me and the others and she said i am totally different than anyone she has ever known or been with before

Aparently my drive to win intimidates her into thinkin i am going to leave she dreads it everyday

Her one mate keeps giving her doubts about me its also the first one who text me pictures

I truly mean no harm to her and am fully commited. She says she understands what i want but she says with me its like she is my first love its so stong and it scares her

She is going to try and let down her defence because its such a simple thing i want from her

She also said in 3yrs i treat her so well it doesnt feel real

I told her what her mates have been doing and the photos they have been sending and she says they have always been jellious of the fact she has me

Just dont know how i am going to help her stop being defensive or shes told me what i want to hear as i always solve her problems or avenge her issues to distract me from this issue shes went nuts her mates have done this so it might bring her to me more