Girlfriend and I are fall out of the relationship feel

[iBlackSunday]

Let me first tell you a little about myself and who I am. My name is Garrett and I live in the Midwest of the US (Wisconsin). I work for a printer part vendor company and I make around $1800 a month. I currently live at my girlfriends mothers house and I have a 3 month old with this same woman. She is 20 years old and I just turned 22 on the 18th (Happy birthday to me!!!).

Her and I have been together for about 1.5 years. We dated a long time ago (About 2 years prior to us getting together Jan 1st 2012) and there has been some drama here and there before we had this child. I've been living at her mothers house for I'd say close to 9 months. I've had a steady job with steady money for awhile now (Before selling printer parts, I delivered Pizza, which was decent money) and I pay for everything I need to pay for. Car payment (100$), phone bill (50$), Car Insurance (100$) as well as rent to her mother (120$) all monthly. She works at McDonalds and makes around 400$ a month and has a horse (100$), a truck payment (Ford F150 - 100$ + 80$ gas per 2 weeks) and phone bill (30$). She tends to pay all her bills and never pays for anything unless it's just for her unless I am completely broke from paying bills or being a little dumb with money (I pay for all food for her and pretty much anything recreational we do together). We both live in her room with our daughter and I am almost never anywhere else in the house other than to make food (Rarely) or to shower (every morning mon-fri). Her and I go to my parents house usually on the weekends.

Now to get to the issues. We have been slowly getting more irritated with one another while living with one another. She leaves her dirty dishes and 5-8 cups laying around the room with rotting milk in them (Usually along the shelf above her bed) and never really picks up anything. She usually is home when I am working (She works maybe 20 hours a week, max) and she sits around just watching Dr. Who and doesn't really do shit. When I have a day off, I am expected to go see her horse with her (Which I fking hate) or go with her to something she doesn't want to go alone with (Which is everything, even when it involves her 1 friend). If we are doing house work or really anything, she always whines about "That bin it to heavy" when it's got 8 pairs of pants in it, or how she'll get to cold if she gets up to get a blanket. It's really starting to annoy the shit out of me and my parents are feeling the same way. Whenever her and I go to my parents house, she always tends to make very rude comments about everything including about how they treat our daughter (Which I have NO problem with how they treat her what so ever. They are great grandparents) or my parents see how she acts. For instance, leaving dished laying around with food all over them, never picking up her cloths in the bathroom after taking a shower, never shutting the oven off after making food, opening brand new items (My sisters make-up, a box of sweets and eats HALF of them) and so forth. I could go on for days. She's really just extremely rude to everybody at my parents house, as well with me. She always complains about how I never am around because I am with friends and she doesn't have any friends (She has one, who houses her horse). I tell her to come and spend time with me and my friends and when she does, she pisses them off to no end and then my friends don't want to hang out with me because they don't want her to come, and she is also starting to not like my friends because of the things we do (I smoke marijuana maybe twice a week). When I sleep in 'our' room at night, I am afraid I am going to get attacked by bugs, because it has happened multiple times before. Ants, flys, spiders in every corner. I don't have time to clean everything when I work over 60 hours a week.

All in all, she is starting to get unbearably tough to deal with, and I am actually surprised I haven't just snapped yet. She has constantly talked about how she can't wait to move out of her parents house and how she wants to move into a 3 bed room house or apartment when she makes maximum of 550$ a month. I do make a decent amount of money, but I have bills to pay as well, and I am 100% positive if I get a house or apartment with her, she won't pay for any of it, and just mooch off of me (Which is what she has been doing with her mother for years now, as well as my parents when she lived with me for 2 months, and I had to pay 400$ in bills she racked up). She's talked about getting a manager position at McDonalds since before she got pregnant and always talks about it, but she hasn't even started training yet.

I am really wanting to move on with my life, and she doesn't seem to want to do anything to better herself no matter the amount I talk to her about this, yet expects stuff to always go her way. About how immature she is and how she has nothing going for her. We have a daughter, and I am really afraid of not getting her 50/50 custody, so I'm really only staying with her because I don't want my daughter to be in this predicament without somebody of better knowledge around her to take care of her.

I just don't know what to do anymore, and my family and damn near all my friends are starting to drift away from me and I believe it is because they don't like my girlfriend, they've actually told me these things. I believe it is because of how rude she is and how she has no motivation to move herself in the right direction no matter the amount I help her and give her personal advise. Even when I do give her advise (Wear deodorant, take a shower, pick up the mold ridden dishes) she tends to just take it in a negative way and thinks I am being an asshole to her. She says I should love her for who she is and I shouldn't try to change her. YOU SMELL LIKE SH1T CUZ YOU DON'T SHOWER OR WEAR DEODORANT. Please, somebody help me with this situation, I just don't know what to do anymore.

P.S. I know it sounds like I am nagging, and that I might be extremely bias and I understand I might be, but these are the things I find truly is tearing us a part and I've tried everything to fix them. If you have any questions, please definitely feel free to ask them.

Thank you all in advance.

[overanxious]

once a mooch always a mooch....it wont change....they might say things to make it sound better like they will start having ambition....but it will fade....and if you get on them about it youll see rage or waterworks........you can repeatedly bring up your issues....but they wont change

[Cerby]

Jeez, things have gotten bad in the US when people are considering ~11.25/hr "good income". Man, why did you have a baby with this woman? What was going through your head when you stuffed your willy in her without protection? It shows a serious lack of foresight and future planning to make a silly error like that...but yet more and more teens are doing it and getting stuck with children in their early 20s. I also didn't see you list ANY childcare bills in your list, who is paying to support this kid?

What you need to do is actually a lot more simple than you think. I can think of a couple of options:

1) Ultimatum - although usually ending badly, there is a time and a place for these things. Find out what 50% of your shared bills are, and tell her she is responsible for them and has 30-days to get there. Working 2 shifts a week at Mcdonalds is a great way to earn food stamps, but not a living. If she can't or won't, then...

2) You ask your parents if you can move home, and bring the child with you. You leave your useless tit of a gf to get her shit together on her own and start moving on with your life. Save as much money as you can and make sure you have the support where you need it. Go to school, get some paperwork to help you find a job that will pay you a reasonable wage/salary (and I mean like $4000/month reasonable), and work on making your life as great as you can. You and your child will need it later on. Never underestimate the power of even a 2 year post-secondary diploma. If you try to move and her parents file for custody, let them take it (with visitation rights for you), it will free you up to move forward with life and you can move for custodial control later on.

You're tethered by this child, so unfortunately you have to worry about that person in all decisions you make as well.

[iBlackSunday]

once a mooch always a mooch....it wont change....they might say things to make it sound better like they will start having ambition....but it will fade....and if you get on them about it youll see rage or waterworks........you can repeatedly bring up your issues....but they wont change

Oh my god, you are 100% right. I constantly bring up issues that I have and she gets super defensive or she starts crying. This is a serious case I am thinking. I'm just so worried I will not be able to see my daughter since I will have to go through court to obtain any custody, which could possibly take forever.

Jeez, things have gotten bad in the US when people are considering ~11.25/hr "good income". Man, why did you have a baby with this woman? What was going through your head when you stuffed your willy in her without protection? It shows a serious lack of foresight and future planning to make a silly error like that...but yet more and more teens are doing it and getting stuck with children in their early 20s. I also didn't see you list ANY childcare bills in your list, who is paying to support this kid?

What you need to do is actually a lot more simple than you think. I can think of a couple of options:

1) Ultimatum - although usually ending badly, there is a time and a place for these things. Find out what 50% of your shared bills are, and tell her she is responsible for them and has 30-days to get there. Working 2 shifts a week at Mcdonalds is a great way to earn food stamps, but not a living. If she can't or won't, then...

2) You ask your parents if you can move home, and bring the child with you. You leave your useless tit of a gf to get her shit together on her own and start moving on with your life. Save as much money as you can and make sure you have the support where you need it. Go to school, get some paperwork to help you find a job that will pay you a reasonable wage/salary (and I mean like $4000/month reasonable), and work on making your life as great as you can. You and your child will need it later on. Never underestimate the power of even a 2 year post-secondary diploma. If you try to move and her parents file for custody, let them take it (with visitation rights for you), it will free you up to move forward with life and you can move for custodial control later on.

You're tethered by this child, so unfortunately you have to worry about that person in all decisions you make as well.

I thank you Cerby for throwing your help out there. There was a lot on that list that I tried to put all together I did forget a few things. She makes $7.52 an hour at McDonalds, and I make 15$ an hour at the job I work with. I have worked 60 hours a week in the past, which was for 12$ an hour plus over time while working in the warehouse, but now I work 40 hours a week making 15$ hour at a computer.

Since she does not have any money left over after paying bills and buying things for her truck or her horse, I tend to be the only one that buys any supplies such as diapers, food, cloths and such for our daughter, which if anybody understands, that can seriously add up.

I understand I made a mistake have a child with this woman, and from the time when she got pregnant till now, I have really grown up a lot and that is the reason why I switched from delivering pizzas to working a 9-5 office job making more money than I ever have. My mother has told me that I can stay at their house to save up some money to move out and get an apartment on my own or with a good friend of mine, but she doesn't think my father is going to allow this. I don't plan on being there for any more than a month or 2 to save enough money for cushion room.

I plan on giving her an ultimatum, but should I start getting my stuff out of there and to my parents house after the ultimatum, or should I stick around for a little longer and see what might happen?

[overanxious]

Oh my god, you are 100% right. I constantly bring up issues that I have and she gets super defensive or she starts crying. This is a serious case I am thinking. I'm just so worried I will not be able to see my daughter since I will have to go through court to obtain any custody, which could possibly take forever.



I thank you Cerby for throwing your help out there. There was a lot on that list that I tried to put all together I did forget a few things. She makes $7.52 an hour at McDonalds, and I make 15$ an hour at the job I work with. I have worked 60 hours a week in the past, which was for 12$ an hour plus over time while working in the warehouse, but now I work 40 hours a week making 15$ hour at a computer.

Since she does not have any money left over after paying bills and buying things for her truck or her horse, I tend to be the only one that buys any supplies such as diapers, food, cloths and such for our daughter, which if anybody understands, that can seriously add up.

I understand I made a mistake have a child with this woman, and from the time when she got pregnant till now, I have really grown up a lot and that is the reason why I switched from delivering pizzas to working a 9-5 office job making more money than I ever have. My mother has told me that I can stay at their house to save up some money to move out and get an apartment on my own or with a good friend of mine, but she doesn't think my father is going to allow this. I don't plan on being there for any more than a month or 2 to save enough money for cushion room.

I plan on giving her an ultimatum, but should I start getting my stuff out of there and to my parents house after the ultimatum, or should I stick around for a little longer and see what might happen?

there are alot of chicks who are willing to be there and produce and contribute to a relationship...unfortunately some of us run into the other percentage

i used to do alot for my ex....groceries....expensive/good seats to concerts, sporting events, broadway shows....every weekend we were getting takeout or dining out and some very nice places.....great gifts on birthdays/xmas....random shopping money......you couldnt imagine a happier person when this was going on....and some of the things i did for her my friends would say "ha dont tell my girl shell hate me"......and my ex would note how extravagant i was.......i wanted to show her how special she was to me and how much i cared.....and after awhile i kept pushing for her to show something...show some care and a willingess to contribute....her ways were little ways like baking or picking up some small gifts randomly....which was great but i wanted to see her willing to be there for me(i saw her brothers gf buy tickets to baseball games for them...my girl would never make an effort like that)....even though she professed her love for me all of the time.....there were waterworks and rages...sometimes diversions...and glimmers of hope....but never any real change.....

i remember our last xmas....i gave her a few gifts...spent around 400 for them....then i gave her a card with 800 in cash and told her we were going to go to this mall i had taken her to that she loved(on that trip i randomly bought her a pair of shoes for no good reason other than to make her happy and feel special)....well before you knew it that money had gone to paying back bills and spent on complete junk and useless crap...........eventually i started taking these things away.....started spending less....even went the cheapo route for her last birthday...we which you could tell she was visibly disappointed(my birthday was a couple days later and she gave me a great birthday)....but i had moved to her hometown and was paying my own way...and there was rarely any sign of her wanting to have a mature, adult, relationship

this was a girl whom had paid for almost nothing...a cell bill...tanning...car insurance....and had not a dime when we broke up......this type of person will never change....they will use their looks and charm....she will live with her parents in her childhood bedroom until this new guy puts a ring on her finger and will be expected to pay for everything.....they will be in for a rude awakening when he will bear the responsibility of mortgage, vehicles, groceries, entertainment, children, insurance......and she will have no clue how to manage money and will become frustrated with all of her responsibilities......at least i feel strongly that will happen unless there is some dramatic change....but i cant see it happening

there are tons of smart and ambitious women who are willing to fight for love...and be there....

[smackie9]

Oh man just think the cost of a box of condoms and a tube of spermicide vs a child......

[Boisdevie]

Oh man just think the cost of a box of condoms and a tube of spermicide vs a child......

yeah, it must be awful to live in a third world country where contraception is just out of reach of everyone.

[iBlackSunday]

there are alot of chicks who are willing to be there and produce and contribute to a relationship...unfortunately some of us run into the other percentage

i used to do alot for my ex....groceries....expensive/good seats to concerts, sporting events, broadway shows....every weekend we were getting takeout or dining out and some very nice places.....great gifts on birthdays/xmas....random shopping money......you couldnt imagine a happier person when this was going on....and some of the things i did for her my friends would say "ha dont tell my girl shell hate me"......and my ex would note how extravagant i was.......i wanted to show her how special she was to me and how much i cared.....and after awhile i kept pushing for her to show something...show some care and a willingess to contribute....her ways were little ways like baking or picking up some small gifts randomly....which was great but i wanted to see her willing to be there for me(i saw her brothers gf buy tickets to baseball games for them...my girl would never make an effort like that)....even though she professed her love for me all of the time.....there were waterworks and rages...sometimes diversions...and glimmers of hope....but never any real change.....

i remember our last xmas....i gave her a few gifts...spent around 400 for them....then i gave her a card with 800 in cash and told her we were going to go to this mall i had taken her to that she loved(on that trip i randomly bought her a pair of shoes for no good reason other than to make her happy and feel special)....well before you knew it that money had gone to paying back bills and spent on complete junk and useless crap...........eventually i started taking these things away.....started spending less....even went the cheapo route for her last birthday...we which you could tell she was visibly disappointed(my birthday was a couple days later and she gave me a great birthday)....but i had moved to her hometown and was paying my own way...and there was rarely any sign of her wanting to have a mature, adult, relationship

this was a girl whom had paid for almost nothing...a cell bill...tanning...car insurance....and had not a dime when we broke up......this type of person will never change....they will use their looks and charm....she will live with her parents in her childhood bedroom until this new guy puts a ring on her finger and will be expected to pay for everything.....they will be in for a rude awakening when he will bear the responsibility of mortgage, vehicles, groceries, entertainment, children, insurance......and she will have no clue how to manage money and will become frustrated with all of her responsibilities......at least i feel strongly that will happen unless there is some dramatic change....but i cant see it happening

there are tons of smart and ambitious women who are willing to fight for love...and be there....

Wow. I know exactly how you feel. If you don't mind, what happened in the end? Did you leave? Did she change? Did you two get married?

[smackie9]

This goes to show you should never trust a woman until she has proven herself that she can take care of herself and doesn't need to depend on others for support. Guys stop boinkin these b iches who got nothing going for them.

[overanxious]

Wow. I know exactly how you feel. If you don't mind, what happened in the end? Did you leave? Did she change? Did you two get married?

solid advice there smackie.....i knew there was something wrong from the early stages...but i was sucked in by the seducer phase and made to feel like i was the "one"...

iBlack...what eventually happened was that kept bringing up the issues for a good year....sometimes there would be glimmers of hope and talk of change and working towards what i wanted....then other times it was the tears and the rage........

i kept threatning to leave and sayin "we arent right"....although i never really wanted to ...i just thought maybe it would awaken her if she really loved me the same way.....shed say "i love you unconditionally"....and "i love you differently than you love me....our love is different...you dont love us you love the idea of us".....but her rage became increasing and i became less and less willing to do the things for her that i had always done...i wanted a mature adult relationship.....wed get into fights and shed say "i wish things were like when(when we first got together)...." Well that was the easy part....the time where its just carefree....then you start to think about building a future...except there is no participation from the other side...just dreams and talking about it.....

we had some serious talks the last few months we were together where we were trying to get on the same page....i even offered her outs a couple of times asking her "if you want to go find someone or something else just tell me"....even after a blowout incident...we had a talk and i said "well what do you want to do here....do you want me to go back home".....but nope......and instead she started talking to someone behind my back and when she felt that was the direction she wanted to go....she detached(she would go back and forth between being very loving and doing the same normal things she had always done to being cold when i tried to be affectionate and playful)....and she pushed me away....but she still couldnt just come out and say it...instead she had to give me an ultimatum that i couldnt say "were not right" or threaten to leave again....but she knew she could push me to it....so i had to be the bad guy and think i was the reason....when in reality she wanted something different and new....and after i realized it all i got was lies.....and "i was slowly falling out of love with you but i didnt want to... everytime you threatned to leave and said we werent right right it tore a piece of my heart" and "i didnt think you loved me"......basically she wants free reign to do whatever she wants and you are supposed to stand by her and still say I love you you are perfect and question nothing....when you express something that they arent good at or that you arent getting it injures their ego because in their mind they are perfect....you are supposed to bite your lip and just be supportive....like her father is to her mother...man i saw that guy want to explode sometimes but he was so entrenched

[smackie9]

You gotta think man! Use your gut instinct and your brain.....if it doesn't feel right it's not....get the f uck out.

[overanxious]

You gotta think man! Use your gut instinct and your brain.....if it doesn't feel right it's not....get the f uck out.

i hear ya man....totally agree...but some of us get CoD and comfortable....our gut and our brain tell us one thing...but then your heart thinks back to the wonderful person you met and fell for....i mean it wasnt like even in rough times there werent good/loving times.....and we had shared so much....knew each others quirks and tendencies....we were really best friends....so it made it hard

[smackie9]

Sorry but letting go and moving on is just part of life my dear. This relationship ended so will the next and so on...this a good thing tho... with these experiences, this is what prepares us for a successful marriage.

[overanxious]

Sorry but letting go and moving on is just part of life my dear. This relationship ended so will the next and so on...this a good thing tho... with these experiences, this is what prepares us for a successful marriage.

oh no doubt...just trying to share my story with someone who seems to be in a similar situation

[iBlackSunday]

Sorry but letting go and moving on is just part of life my dear. This relationship ended so will the next and so on...this a good thing tho... with these experiences, this is what prepares us for a successful marriage.

I do agree, and I have given this advise to many friends, and I can't take my own advise. Her and I have been talking for the past few hours, and I think I have decided to go back to my parents for a small amount of time until...

1) She starts bettering herself and is able to contribute to a full functional family or...

2) She stays a lazy person and doesn't want to do anything but watch Netflix and hang out with her moldy milk cups.