Advice??

[alr]

My exboyfriend I thought was the one, I wouldnt have put down half my life savings if he wasnt. We purchased a house together last year have 2 dogs together, I thought we were doing alright, perfect family for me. Granted we have been stressed with money and were in a rut where we felt like room mates. We talked to friends and family and everyone said its normal to feel that way and eventually you come out of it, by doing a little more just to show how much you appriciate your partner.
I am devasted at the fact he decided we couldnt get past this and gave up. He told me he still loves me and cares about me and that if its meant to be we will fall back. Ive told him multiple times that I think its a mistake and that we can work on it but hes convinced. Now talking with him hes short with me and I feel super annoying, but then we will go a few days without speaking and hell send me little things like my neice (who is 2) was asking about you today, run to the truck seeing if you were still in there. What am I to say? I said Awh. He knows where I stand and that im having a hard time dealing with our break up but I feel like hes stringing me along aswell. I know still cares but why he doesnt want to actually work on it confuses me; how you can throw 3 years away blows my mind. I feel so let down by him but I know I still love him. I just dont know what to do.

[michelle23]

You need to stop contacting him. Be distant, aloof, act like you are moving on and getting over him. Tell him you cant be friends coz you will not get over him as long as he is a part of your life.

Sorry alr but it is over. You need to accept that, stop clinging on, begging etc etc. It will only push him further away and it will annoy him to the point that he will start to hate you.

There is a small chance that he will come back in a month or two if you give him space and time to figure out what he wants, give him time to miss you and let him experience what his life is like without you. He may realize that he loves you and cannot be apart or he may realize that it is over for good.

Either way it is his decision. You cannot force him to come back and all the begging, pleading and guilt tripping in the world will not change his mind.

Let him go. If its meant to be, he will come back. Give him 2 months and see do you hear from him in that time. If you dont, you need to accept it is over and start getting on with your life without him. If he texts you again saying something stupid like "my niece was asking for you" etc-just say "look you dumped me, stop texting me" and ignore him.

The only time you should contact him is IF he says "I want you back"

In the meantime look up "the five stages of grief" and also look up "how to deal with getting dumped" and try to look after yourself and stay busy. You will be fine. When one door closes, another opens and if he does not come back to you-it proves you were never meant to be together in the first place and there is someone else out there for you

[bob the brave]

You're right. There are some things that are odd here.

1) 3 years and toss it all after buying a house because you're bored? He dosen't even want to talk about it and is annoyed by your calling him.

2) If you want to end it, why initiate a call to someone with personal things about your time together? The bit about your niece sounds like he is saying how sad it is that you are no longer together.

Given 1, I might be inclined to suspect there may be someone else. However, 2 then, doesn't make sense. Are you sure you didn't do anything to make him think it wouldn't work? Did you say or do anything that might have heart him or give him a reason to think you don't have a future together?

[smackie9]

Buying a house together after 3 years? That's crackers. Too much responsibility in such a short time. He felt trapped is my guess.....guys get wary when things get routine and boring....he probably felt if that if that's way life was going to be in this situation then he was busting out of it. Get rid of the house, and go no contact for awhile.....maybe you both just needed to slow down on buying a house and crap, and just enjoy the relationship.

[overanxious]

not to sound crazy...and say there is no chance....i wouldnt know how to approach this situation...but i do have a friend who was in a relationship just like yours....they bought a place together...broke up and had to sell it....he lost about 20k on the deal...eventually they got back together and are married

[alr]

bob the brave -

1. Its not that he is annoyed, I feel annoying because hes short with me one day and then then normal the next. Yeah he works and he gets busy but when hes busy he just doesnt answer. But when his responses are ok, yah, mhm.... then its like ok then?
2. Ive thought about this one and friends believe hes keeping me around as plan b, as an only child myself, and knowing his neice our entire relationship it was like she was my own neice and he knows how much I care for her and that if they needed anything I would be there. But I have to realize thats not my family anymore.
3. I have thought about there being someone else but hes assured me that hes not interested in anyone right now. Not that it couldnt be a lie.

smackie9

It is alot of responsibility and pressure and Ive thought about that, but its not like its something that couldnt have been worked out.


....


Not to give my hopes either or wait for him per say but I really hope giving him some space hell come to a realization. Perferably sooner rather then later casue this sucks

[michelle23]

the best way to get someone back is to ignore them. if that doesnt work, nothing will. but you need to cling to your pride right now and if he wants you, let him chase you, let him do all the work to get you back and show him that if he ever does this again-it will be over for good. thats if he comes back. dont just jump into his arms coz hell lose respect for you.

if i were you, id go out with friends, get all dressed up, go dancing, post some pics on FB to show your having a great time, post statuses like "out tonight, cant wait", or "best laugh ever last night with my girlies".

get some dude to write on your wall saying "you looked great last night, can i have your number, love to take you for coffee"? you could pay some randomer to do it.

i know sounds crazy to do all that but i bet it would catch his attention and make him think "s**t she seems happy, shes not waiting around for me, if i want her back better hutry up about it"

try it for 2 months and see if he tries to get you back and if he does-make him wait and show him how it feels. if not, at least youll have experienced being without him for awhile and will know you dont need him and can start getting over him properly.

dont sit around pining for him and feeling sorry for yourself. youll drive yourself mad! force yourself to get out and try to have some fun. if he keeps texting-ignore him or block him or give one word stupid answers that say you dont really care *yawn*

good luck

[smackie9]

smackie9

It is alot of responsibility and pressure and Ive thought about that, but its not like its something that couldnt have been worked out.


....


Not to give my hopes either or wait for him per say but I really hope giving him some space hell come to a realization. Perferably sooner rather then later casue this sucks

When people want out fast it's because they want change......whatever change he is looking for I'm sure you will find out soon enough.