Hot and cold bf

[wallflower]

I've been reading articles about guys having this attitude. But I just don't know how to deal with it and maybe its better to hear from the experts.

I am 23 years old. And I've been in relationship with this guy for almost 2 years. He is my first boyfriend and I hope he would be my last. And I love him so much. But I don't know how to handle him. He have this attitude, when he is OK he is so sweet and then a little thing that make him mad make him so mean. He will suddenly stop talking with a frown face and then sometimes I don't know what happened, he would just change his mood.

What I usually do is text and call him non stop until he would answer me. I will not stop telling him I'm sorry even if I don't know what's wrong. And if he would not answer me, I will go to his house and so that we could talk. And every time we talk I just find out, he is jealous, he is insecure of things I did not notice.. I keep on telling I love him and he has nothing to worry about, but the same thing happens.

Sometime I thought he intended it because he wanted to break up with me. So I did and I told him its over. But he don't want us to break up. He said he was sorry and he loves me and promised me that he will not do it again. But I think that promise was forgotten. He is always like that.

But then again, he told me, he would change if we will live together. He told me that he would be the sweetest guy and he would take good care of me. And I don't know if I would believe that. And just in case I'll give him a chance, another problem would occur. My mother don't like him, and I don't know how to tell her that I would like to move out with him.

For now, his issue is that I'm too scared and I can't stand up for him. Honestly, I don't really know what to do.. Any advise is really appreciated. I really need it.

Thank you so much for reading and for answering.

[fearoflove]

OMG...this guy sounds crazy and controlling. Leave him now before he damages you.

[HeartIsAching]

^^^That's pretty much it.

He's crazy and controlling, passive-aggressive and there's a good chance he'll resort to physical violence if/when that stops working. Yeah, he'll change if you start living together alright - but not for the better.

[goodluckchuck]

Run while you still can.

[smackie9]

Sorry but the other posters are right. This cycle of hot cold will not stop but will only escalate into violence. Your love will not cue him of his hostile ways, he needs professional therapy and possibly medication. I doubt he would even seek out help so it would be best to get yourself out of this situation as quickly as possible. Threatening to break up with him will not change him either , you already see that for yourself, he only says he will change but his actions don't. Your mother has a legitimate reason to not liking him....because he is abusing her own daughter. There are men out there that will love and respect you, so you will not be losing out if you end this relationship.....stop wasting your time with him, he will never change. Been there, done that.

[wallflower]

Thank you so much for your advices. I am really new to this type of relationship and it really hurts a lot. Honestly, I still want things to work for us, I still hope he would change, but maybe you are right, he have this attitude, he won't change and I should stop wasting my time over him.

[smackie9]

I was in a relationship where my ex was abusive, but continued to apologize and claimed he would change, over and over again.....the only way was to get out of the relationship for good.....he was my first serious relationship too. So glad I did it as hard as it was.

[michelle23]

wallflower. The first red flag is your mother does not like him. She probably has a very good reason for that. Sometimes when you are all loved up and looking at someone through rose-tinted glasses-it is good to ask family and friends their honest opinion of your partner. If most of them dont like him-it is a warning sign.

Secondly he blows hot and cold, he upsets you for no reason, he gets angry for no reason and makes you feel like you have done something wrong, he is insecure, controlling, smothering, possessive and constantly making false promises.

This relationship is abusive. You are constantly apologizing for no reason, crying for no reason, you constantly have to reassure him that you love him. That is not a healthy relationship and if you do live together it will just get worse.

He is already emotionally and mentally abusive-that could easily turn to physical or even sexual abuse especially if you are trapped in a house living with him. Before you know it, you will be expected to give up work and school for him, hell have you pregnant and completely dependent on him and trapped just so you are more afraid to leave.

You need to get away from him now . Even if it hurts to break up with him and you miss him for awhile. You need to do what is best for you and you cannot be with an abusive man. He will destroy you. He will crush any confidence you do have and turn you into a shadow of yourself. Even if he never turns violent-the emotional abuse it bad enough.

You are already emotionally damaged from him. The best thing you can do it dump him and get some counselling to help you heal so you can avoid ending up with a man like this again. I have been with my bf for 5 years hun and he has never made me cry. Hes never ignored me or made me feel guilty for anything. I have never had to beg him to talk to me or reassure him that I love him.

You need to realize that most men are not like your bf. You can do better

[TablesandChairs]

The biggest red flag: "Move in with me, THEN I'll change".

No, he won't - he'll have you trapped then and you'll be even easier to control and abuse. But I have a weird feeling you're not going to be taking much notice of this because a) you want to be with him forever (as per your post) and b) you're asking us what YOU can do to make things better.

There's nothing you can do. He's a freak.

[michelle23]

your young love. you only have a few chances at real love and real happieness. please dont waste your life on him. its really not worth it