LDR Wall

[zodd157]

My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 8 months. This is only my 2nd LDR and I have loved 2 women in my entire life and she is one of them. Like the one. She even came to visit me for a week and it went absolutely amazing. The first day we met had an instant bond and that is what keeps us so strong. She even has plans to move here and live with me in the next couple months. I am diagnosed bi-polar but have never seeked much medical/psychological attention for it. This is my downfall in relationships almost every time. I get mad over dumb things and treat her like no one should ever treat a person they love. Never physical abuse but mental abuse like getting upset at her for pointless things. It's honestly something I never had control over but because of what is happening now I am finally willing to make a change in my life to keep her. I have never done this for any other girl before. I have made an appointment with my doctor to seek help and made some more positive changes in my life recently.

The problem is I hurt her so bad like 2-3 weeks ago that she has rebuilt this "wall" between us. I have seen many noticeable changes in her daily life. She spends hardly any time with me at all and we don't skype, call or text anywhere near the amount we use to. Here comes the other can of worms. She recently connected with a past friend who she fell out of contact with 6 or 7 months ago. Now they pretty much do 90% of the things my g/f and I use to do together and im left with a small 10%. This is her new schedule. Sleep in until 3pm. Spend less than an hour with me (if im lucky). Go to work at 4pm and get off around 11pm when I am already in bed (because I get up at 4am for work). Then she gets online and plays games with this new guy for 5-6rs till 5am. Rinse and repeat. So basically I am left with less than an hour of her time a day and this guy gets close to 5hrs a day with her. Now I trust her with all my heart and those are not words to take lightly because I have been cheated on before. When talking about this she has told me point blank that she loves me and only me and that she has told him this is nothing but a friendship and will not go any further than that. Now listen...I don't have an issue with her having a guy friend, who is a "support friend" as she calls him. What makes me hurt so damn deep inside is that she spends five times the amount of time with him a day that she does with me. She doesn't text me nearly as much as she use to....almost to the point that I feel like im bothering her by texting. I told her if this guy is as good of a friend as you say he is to you I would like to meet with him. You can't ask me to trust a guy I don't even know with my girlfriend during the late hours of the night who spends five times the time I get with her lately. I even reversed the situation and said would you be comfortable with me doing the same thing to you with a random girl? Her answer was that she would be very upset. So why is it fine for her but wrong for me?

Last night I kind of laid it on the line and told her that this needs to stop and im not comfortable with it. Her sleep schedule is horrible which cant be healthy and now I don't even sleep, eat or be productive at work cause I think about this so much. Her reply was she will "try" not to do so much with him but she is still going to play with him. It hurts my heart so deep inside knowing that the stuff they are doing is what we use to do and have so much fun at. That I can't make her happy because of my previous actions so she has to find another guy to do stuff with. Now we are supposed to go on a vacation together in 6 days. She has asked for some mental space till then and we will see how the vacation goes and if I truly have changed for the better. She want's me to break down her wall but im not sure how when we are miles apart, get 1 hour a day with her and she spends so much time with another guy.

It is so.....so damn hard to give her space and not interact with her. The past couple days and im sure all the days to come until the vacation will hurt so bad. I love this girl so much and it's hard to know I can't send many text's, skype, play games or call her. How do mentally let her hang out with this guy who is 26 (she is 20), single and has no job. Like what does he think he's going to get out of this thing between them? She has told me he is not like that but im a guy and I know there has to be some angle.

I need some help guys. Im hurting pretty bad.

[smackie9]

You just have to be able to trust her.....remember women are the ones that decide if a guy has sex or not. Also woman have np being emotionally attached to a guy but have no romantic feelings. So this guy may think he will get something, but she is just using him as her emotional tampon. The problem is, is that I doubt she hasn't told him she isn't interested in anything romantic. Girls will do this on purpose to keep the attention they have been getting....she is at that age to be doing this kind of crap.


So anyways you need to take on a hobby, or something to get you out of the house....go play some billiards and drink some beers with a buddy. If you don't have an active social life, you become co-dependent in your relationship....and that is a bad bad thing. Google co-dependency and do some reading.