Head and Heart in Constant Battle - Which should I listen to?

[CrazyInLove09]

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting in this forum and I am in need of some real guidance right now. What I’ve been going through recently is breaking me down emotionally more and more each day and I don’t know how to handle the situation anymore.

I am madly in love with my best friend. We’ve known each other for many years now and he means the absolute world to me. He has had feelings for me ever since we met, but it wasn’t until 8 months ago that I became available and began returning his feelings (after breaking up with my first and only boyfriend of 5 years). Shortly after, we became friends with benefits, and I fell undeniably and completely in love with him, and he feels the same way about me. He always has. We have a chemistry and a passion for one another that is inexplicable. I’ve never experienced anything like it before in my entire life. We’re crazy about one another and we want to move things to the next level and become an official couple, but there’s one thing standing in our way: he smokes and sells marijuana.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a big time dealer. He only sells to a particular circle of people who he claims to trust, but I have always been very much against drug usage of any kind, as well as the illegality of his actions. I am so afraid that one day he will be caught and thrown in jail, and not only that, what if we’re found together when he gets busted? My whole future will be put on the line due to our association. He claims that he wants to have a future with me, marry me and start a family with me one day, and that he’ll stop selling after 2 or 3 years. His reasoning is that he wants enough money to get ahead and build a future for us and our children, but I’ve told him many times that I don’t need a ton of money to be happy in life, I just want him. Unfortunately there is no changing his mind, no matter how hard I try. It hurts me more than I can describe in words. I don’t doubt that he loves me with all of his heart, and I’ve seen him break down at the thought of losing what we have, and anybody who knows him knows that he’s not the type to show his emotions easily in that way. I’ve tried to let him go so many times but I just can’t do it. His friends are also all stoners and it sometimes makes me uncomfortable to be around them all when they’re smoking (which is a daily occurrence) but I just can’t stay away from him despite that. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t wait around for the next 3 years and hope that he decides to quit when the time comes, and that he doesn’t get caught in the meantime. What should I do? I know in my head that I should leave him and that I do deserve better, but he’s all that my heart wants, and I know that he loves me deeply too. Any advice would be much appreciated.

xo

[michelle23]

This would be a deal breaker for me and i wouldn't care how much it hurts. Not only is he a dealer, he is also an addict and addicts are untrustworthy-simple as. Id walk away

[coloradocarl]

The whole 'drug' portion I personally recommend you dismiss. Alcohol is a drug. Tobacco is a drug. Caffeine is a drug. Our culture chooses to sell and tax those three. Marijuana, we choose to call it a gateway drug and frown upon it like it's some evil creature from hell. I've never touched the stuff. Hell, I've never even had a beer and I'm in my 30s but I do believe 'to each his own'. If he wants to smoke pot, who cares? The Europeans do it in Amsterdam. Canada has hookers... every culture is different. Don't let yours choose make your decisions for you.

Now from a legal standpoint, it's a crime and punishable if he's pushing. If he wants to provide for your and your future family, as him to do it in such a way you can look back and be proud of him. Ask him to earn it legally without the unfair advantage of being lucratively illegal. Tell him you want to tell his children how their father provided for them and not have to lie. Aside from that, the only other thing I can offer is more and more states are decriminalizing pot. It's becoming less and less of an offense so even if you WERE with him and he got caught, society's view is lightening up and its likely you wouldn't wind up charged... unless he was in possession of an amount deemed to be intended to distribute... then you may be in some hot water. I'm not a lawyer by any means, I'm just offering my two cents worth and blind assumptions of the law and legal system. I have nothing to back this on but my own assumptions... which very well may be completely and totally incorrect.


Take it for what it's worth. My final al thoughts are ask him to make you and your children proud of him. That should be a pretty compelling motivator for any real man.

[michelle23]

I know a lot of people who smoke weed. Most are hard working, nice, intelligent people but I would not date someone who smokes it. No way.

[misombra]

I know two people who sell. One has a major grow and sell operation and never has been caught. The other is in and out of jail constantly.