I'll just say it, i like my cousin.

[heavymetalkid]

okay first of all were both 19 (within weeks of each other) and live 300 or so miles away. in the past, our families would meet yearly at the beach. but during highschool (the past 3 years) i havent talked to any of them because we never text/facebook and for life reasons we just didnt meet up (except for my grandma and other cousin).

its weird because (lets call her Ashley on this forum) I always felt like i never knew Ashley as well as i should off as a cousin... but i saw her for the first time in years this week for a small family reunion and had a lot of fun seeing her and my grandma, we talked a normal amount and caught up on life and just had a lot of fun for about 4 days.

when she left we texted briefly and i realized i miss her more than i thought i would. what really surprised me was the night before she left she was hanging out with my brother more and i was actually jealous at that and got a little annoyed (nothing huge at all i just made up another story) but deep down inside i knew i was jealous that she was with him more than me.

this hasnt happened at all the past 19 years... because of that its nothing sexual but i really miss her and being around my cousins. the last time i saw her we were both just kids and since then weve matured quite a bit (i had a few issues and she ended up moving out) so we probably connected a little easier the past week. plus we have more in common now. what im trying to say is it felt like simpler times when i saw her. so im not sure yet if this is a crush or just strong family love (were not biological family members though).

honestly i kind of cried the day after she left...which was yesterday. we dont text much because were both busy and i know were not going to see each other at least this year...

[michelle23]

its a stupid crush. you need to get over it. Shes your cousin. You prob just find her attractive and haven't seen her for so long that you feel like shes not really family but i think you know nothing can happen between you

[Ann S]

Where are your boundaries and values? Biological or not, she's your cousin, right? I hope you don't allow your mind to take you out into the daydream world of made-up possibilities with your cousin. Additionally, it doesn't sound like your feelings are returned.....she chose to hang out with your brother more than you. Please put your cousin in the proper context (That is, OFF LIMITS) and get on with your life. Ann

[Emereldess]

Have you considered bringing this up with her perhaps? Maybe try even talking to a mutual friend about it first. You say you're not biological cousins? I know many couples who were cousins, though they only ended up together after failures of their first relationships. I think there is some risk associated with this however, be careful how you approach this kind of topic (you don't know for sure how she will take it right). But most of all, take some time to really think about it. Is it even worth going for if you know it could end badly with burnt bridges etc.? Are there other girls in your life that you could take an interest in? In our young years (I speak from past to present experiences!) we all tend to make irrational or impulsive decisions that end up with major consequences some times. I wish you the best in your journey. Do what feels right for you but never be afraid to sit back for a minute and just think amongst yourself. Do take care now

[Wakeup]

She is not your cousin.. she is a family friend who lives 300 miles away so why would you waste your emotions on someone you'll likely not see again for another 10 years. Change the subject of her when she pops into your mind, concentrate on meeting women you can see and touch on a regular basis and google "limerence" and read the Wiki link to it. It will explain what you're going through and it will tell you that you can stagnate yourself in this silly state for up to three years if you don't do the mental work you need to do to get over your fantasy.

You can do it... get out there and find a nice chickie who you can kiss regularily.

[heavymetalkid]

My mom and her siblings were adopted. So she is labeled as a cousin

[heavymetalkid]

What do you mean where are my boundaries I'm not going to tell her any of this?

[Wakeup]

So ****ing what she stills lives 300 miles away and having a relationship with her is ridiculously likely to never take place.

Personal boundaries have nothing to do with whether or not you tell her about this. Personal boundaries are morals/convictions/rules you've given yourself you won't cross or let anyone else cross. For instance: Knowing and applying to your life the fact that you would never cheat on a loved one is a "personal boundary."

[heavymetalkid]

Are you mad for some reason?

[Wakeup]

No, but I type like i am.

BTW: Did you google "Limerence" and read the Wiki link?

[heavymetalkid]

ahh i see..

i actually read that exact article a year or so ago for a totally different situation. turns out im going to my relatives state in a month and a half and might possibly see her, im definetly not going to say anything lol but hopefully by then itll be over with.

[sparklypandaz97]

Dont jump into that or persue it. you are having a stupid little crush and it needs to somehow go away. biological or not she is your cousin and family is family

[smackie9]

Hey heavymetalkid, first off I would like to know what you are actually seeking by coming here. It seems to me you just want to just tell someone about it which is fine....maybe that's all you need is to get this off your chest so you can actually try to move on.

We desire most what we can never have. The very reason you obsess is because of how out of reach she is to you. This would explain why your feelings have escalated over the years. To compound this, you sound like you never had much contact with other girls or experiences, leaving you dependent on the fantasy of being with her. And now with her being gone you feel a real loneliness because she was all you had.

You really need to let go. I know there is a lot of fear in letting go, but I assure you, once you are released out of the grip of this obsession, you will be able to look forward to meeting someone who fulfills your dream of being in love and share their life with you. This is what you have been missing out on all this time, because of your fantasy to being with your cousin. So stop wasting your time with this nonsense and greet a new beginning.

[heavymetalkid]

i only had a crush on her for about a week to be honest. and i have had girlfriends before i havent had too much experience though. but yea youre right about the "getting it off your chest" and "desire what we can't have" and even though we text only twice the feelings have been slowly getting stronger. i just need to figure out a way to meet girls in a natural way (i tried match.com a few months ago and it was fun it eventually didnt work out).

but whats funny is i have a habit of taking action (which has put me in some great and bad situations lol) and ive told only 2 girls i had feelings for them when i was younger (which you shouldnt say, you should "show", prove, etc you know). and i'm NOT going to take action. but im going up north in her area in july to see other family and might visit her, just to visit. based on my experiences that could either be what I really need or make it worse...

and also i never a crush on her before, less than two weeks actually, because i havent even talked to her since 2009 until now, and we have a lot more in common and just felt more comfortable talking to her (since were 19 not 15 you can imagine).

oh and also shes a very strong girl, she dosent talk about her bad experiences like some people unnecessarily do but shes more motivated than over half of the people in my age group ive known, we both love running, paintball, NO drinking/smoking, might join military, and are independent.

and yea heres another example of getting things off my chest...

[smackie9]

She sounds like a great girl. Well whatever you do decide I wish you well.