Lied to my boyfriend.... Should I come clean?

[HeartIsAching]

Or he could punch the crap out of her. You dont know what he would do, until you tell him.

And nobody goes to jail for first time common assault. He would probably just get 12 month good behavior bond, no criminal conviction recorded and fine of about $250.

Prison is the last resort of sentencing, where all other possible resorts have been exhausted and proven to be not working on that individual.

LOL, you're so wrong.

[IndiReloaded]

Or he could punch the crap out of her. You dont know what he would do, until you tell him.

And nobody goes to jail for first time common assault. He would probably just get 12 month good behavior bond, no criminal conviction recorded and fine of about $250.

Prison is the last resort of sentencing, where all other possible resorts have been exhausted and proven to be not working on that individual.

Honesty for its own sake, without considering motive is not just naive its irresponsible.

Of course if the topic ever came up, or somehow he asked directly, then tell him the truth. But I agree with those that say there is no percentage telling his this for its own sake. You will only cause more hurt than good.

Best to you and your growing family. Enjoy.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

Honesty for its own sake, without considering motive is not just naive its irresponsible.

Of course if the topic ever came up, or somehow he asked directly, then tell him the truth. But I agree with those that say there is no percentage telling his this for its own sake. You will only cause more hurt than good.

Best to you and your growing family. Enjoy.

Off course she can give him an impartial truth, or bent version of it. She is in full right to lie to him (provided he is not a police officer, then she would spend about 6 months in jail), she is the one that's going to have live with it.

you can lie to whoever you want, in order to trick them into a relationship with you, its not a crime, its just what you choose to do. (with the above exception)

[TablesandChairs]

You're being dramatic; he made you you move out only a short time after you rearranged your whole life to be with him! That's actually horrible and I'm not surprised you were trying to move on/date others etc.

You weren't officially together, he flew into a rage but why? What did he expect when he basically kicked you out? Don't stress and live your life.

[Kim00]

I didn't lie to trick him into a relationship. I lied to spare him hurt feelings. But all of you are right in some way. Thank you for the replies.

[Kim00]

Well I told him anyways because I wanted to clear my conscience of any secrets before we get married. I just told him I didn't close off my options when he couldn't commit to me and I lied to spare his feelings at the time not knowing we would end up where we are today. He asked why I was telling him now and I told him because I felt bad for lying and didnt want to marry him having lied to him and never told. He said okay.... That was about it. I asked if he was mad and he said "a little". I think he knows we are at a VERY different point in our relationship. I'm glad it is off my chest. Thanks for all the advice guys.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

Well I told him anyways because I wanted to clear my conscience of any secrets before we get married. I just told him I didn't close off my options when he couldn't commit to me and I lied to spare his feelings at the time not knowing we would end up where we are today. He asked why I was telling him now and I told him because I felt bad for lying and didnt want to marry him having lied to him and never told. He said okay.... That was about it. I asked if he was mad and he said "a little". I think he knows we are at a VERY different point in our relationship. I'm glad it is off my chest. Thanks for all the advice guys.

Looks like I won.

Rule 1. always cheat, always win, if you won it was a fair game. The only unfair games are the ones you loose.
Rule 2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.

[Kim00]

Actually, you didn't "win" immature little boy. I did what I felt was best. And no he does not want to break up, you child. He's glad I was honest and that's all there was to it.

[Wakeup]

Well I told him anyways because I wanted to clear my conscience of any secrets before we get married. I just told him I didn't close off my options when he couldn't commit to me and I lied to spare his feelings at the time not knowing we would end up where we are today. He asked why I was telling him now and I told him because I felt bad for lying and didnt want to marry him having lied to him and never told. He said okay.... That was about it. I asked if he was mad and he said "a little". I think he knows we are at a VERY different point in our relationship. I'm glad it is off my chest. Thanks for all the advice guys.

Okay, so this relief you feel is what I call making the innocent party eat the sins of the sinner. (not that you "sinned" per se) You feel great now, but how's he feeling? Really? I hope he's not going to simmer on it now and then come to a forum like this and start a thread stating: My fiance lied to me about being with a guy and now I can't get the vision out of my head and I don't trust her now.

If he does, we'll try our best to give him advice to not worry about

Good luck.

[smackie9]

Kim I don't think he is going to dwell on it too much. After he mulls over it, he is going to see why it happened when he sees it from your perspective. This is why communication is key, because if a point of view isn't shared, the other will only assume, and that's where the conflict will start. So to prevent this, make sure he understands what you went through, and how you felt during that break up. Open honest communication.

[vashti]

Well I told him anyways because I wanted to clear my conscience of any secrets before we get married. I just told him I didn't close off my options when he couldn't commit to me and I lied to spare his feelings at the time not knowing we would end up where we are today. He asked why I was telling him now and I told him because I felt bad for lying and didnt want to marry him having lied to him and never told. He said okay.... That was about it. I asked if he was mad and he said "a little". I think he knows we are at a VERY different point in our relationship. I'm glad it is off my chest. Thanks for all the advice guys.

I agree with wakeup; I hope you won't come to regret your decision.

[smackie9]

Come on you all are acting like she commited adultery and lied about it. I bet he's thinking that if he was in that situation he would have did the same thing.

[michelle23]

actually i agree that honesty IS the best policy and i hate it when people say "dont push your guilt on your partner" they have a right to know if an infidelity occurs and it is their decision whether they are willing to forgive or not.anyway this ituation is different since she didnt cheat. i agree with smackie. make sure he understands why you went on that date. the last thing you want now is him seeking revenge

[Wakeup]

No "infidelity" took place here. I kinda feel sorry for the guy in this particular situation.

[Wakeup]

Come on you all are acting like she commited adultery and lied about it. I bet he's thinking that if he was in that situation he would have did the same thing.

I think no such thing, actually. That's why I think she should have just kept it to herself. She's now opened up a can a worms that needn't have been opened.. (in fact he's probably got a few small skeletons in his own closet) lol

Just my opinion. She did what she felt she needed to do and hopefully that "why did you feel the need to tell me this now" wasn't asked with anxiety/insecurity.