Lied to my boyfriend.... Should I come clean?

[jbruced]

This is a tricky thing because so much time has gone by. Bringing up a lie that is dead and gone is not the answer. I would recommend that you see a counselor about the importance of the lie at this late date. The time that you told an untruth was a protective place where you were afraid of his reaction to the man he saw. The is self preservation, and can be justified in the moment. Cops that are undercover often lie while on duty, and it is considered a part of the situation. Find a confidential counselor and begin to work with the false guilt that has come out of your past. I agree with you that he had no right to question who you were with at the time that the two of you were not in an exclusive relationship. I am happy to know that your relationship survived the early turbulence. Let the past go, and sing the blessings of your current relationship. Seek counseling and move forward, a lie that comes out of fear and a need to protect yourself is forgiven. My blessings to you, and be well!!!. jb

[IndiReloaded]

Actually, you didn't "win" immature little boy. I did what I felt was best. And no he does not want to break up, you child. He's glad I was honest and that's all there was to it.

LOL!

Rule 2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.

Well, there is truth to this^.

[IndiReloaded]

Well I told him anyways because I wanted to clear my conscience of any secrets before we get married. I just told him I didn't close off my options when he couldn't commit to me and I lied to spare his feelings at the time not knowing we would end up where we are today. He asked why I was telling him now and I told him because I felt bad for lying and didnt want to marry him having lied to him and never told. He said okay.... That was about it. I asked if he was mad and he said "a little". I think he knows we are at a VERY different point in our relationship. I'm glad it is off my chest. Thanks for all the advice guys.

Hey, its not what some of us would have done, but I don't think there's a 'right' answer to this.

You did what you felt you needed to do, for reasons that are authentically 'you'. Since he needs to decide if he wants to be with you longterm, well, you need to be yourself and you were.

I just hope you understand Wakeups point about making him 'eat your sins' b/c, objectively, thats what you did. Think about this.

[klink]

He won't care, just forget about it.
But you must make sure that you won't lie to him again.

[UnderTheMoon]

I have to say good for you on being honest, I have done the same things and ended up with the same results. If he is a good man, it won't come back to bite you in the ass because honestly, it was him that started the mess to begin with so really he should feel squared out with you. I mean maybe I shouldn't say that as it is, but it is still the truth. If he ever brings it up again just explain it once more, remind him that you love him and that you are happy where you both are at, at this point in time and that you wanted to make sure your marriage was on a clean slate. If things had been worse, I could see it ending badly but the point is, it was more or less nothing on your part and you should have never felt guilty to begin with. Hell, I wouldn't have even said I felt guilty, I would have told him he needed to know and why I did it. Irrelevant now though, just wish you the best of luck in your life! Stay good!

[UnderTheMoon]

Off course she can give him an impartial truth, or bent version of it. She is in full right to lie to him (provided he is not a police officer, then she would spend about 6 months in jail), she is the one that's going to have live with it.

you can lie to whoever you want, in order to trick them into a relationship with you, its not a crime, its just what you choose to do. (with the above exception)

Why is it, every single time someone posts something legit you have to come up with some kind of garbage involving your biased views on situations? I swear every time you say something and I run across it, my IQ struggles not to drop and I have to brush my teeth because of the vomit that rises in the back of my throat. Disgusting.

[Kim00]

Thanks for the reply guys. I actually just did what I felt was right yes to clear my own conscience because it was weighing on me and affecting The way I was treating him I was sort of zoned out. He actually doesn't really care at all now and just said thanks for being honest, Said he understood why I lied at the time, And says he knows he can trust me. I was really sweating it for nothing it seems. He's a great guy and he's very understanding. Because it is the only time I've ever lied to him, I felt there Should be no secrets. Thanks again!

[Kim00]

Why is it, every single time someone posts something legit you have to come up with some kind of garbage involving your biased views on situations? I swear every time you say something and I run across it, my IQ struggles not to drop and I have to brush my teeth because of the vomit that rises in the back of my throat. Disgusting.

Lol. Love this!

[smackie9]

Thanks for the reply guys. I actually just did what I felt was right yes to clear my own conscience because it was weighing on me and affecting The way I was treating him I was sort of zoned out. He actually doesn't really care at all now and just said thanks for being honest, Said he understood why I lied at the time, And says he knows he can trust me. I was really sweating it for nothing it seems. He's a great guy and he's very understanding. Because it is the only time I've ever lied to him, I felt there Should be no secrets. Thanks again!

Just what I thought, it turned out to be no big deal. Glad things worked out. Best of luck