Lied to my boyfriend.... Should I come clean?

[Kim00]

I lied to my boyfriend. We were together for 1.5 years, he asked me to move in. I had never made this commitment before to anyone. I lived alone since I was 18 I am now 27. After 8 weeks, he decided he was unsure he wanted a life with me. Even after moving my whole life, storage building, change jobs, etc!!! About a month after I moved out, we began talking again. We had both been with other people. After a couple weeks of long talks about getting back together I wasn't invited to a close friend of his' birthday party he was going to (wives and girlfriends were going). I was hurt and I knew he still didnt want people to know we were seeing each other again. I went on a date and when I got dropped off, he came in for a minute. We made out and groped but when he left, my ex (talking to/ working it out) saw him leaving. He was furious and flew into a rage so I told him it was my roommate's friend bringing her something. It took a while to convince him this lie was true but he eventually believed me. A year and a half later, we are engaged and expecting a baby. This is the only lie I have ever told him and I feel guilty. It hasn't been brought up in a long time and we are very happy now. Our relationship is very different and wonderful. I would never lie to him again and I know the truth would only hurt him. He claims we were together but I don't feel we were. How could he miraculously after two weeks of dating again be able to make the same commitment he was unsure of when he kicked me out? I wasn't cutting off my options for a guy who couldn't commit to me. I just feel bad for lying because that's not me. If I told him, he would feel I am not trustworthy, which he has no reason to feel. Should I tell him the truth if it would only make me feel better and hurt him?

[michelle23]

no dont bother. you dont need that stress or drama now. your having a baby together,.getting married, your both happy. dont ruin that.

at the time you were confused, thought it was over and everything was falling apart. you made a mistake. forgive yourself and let it go. dont ever bring it up.

you know youd never hurt him or lie again and youve suffered for what happened so put it behind you and get on with your life

[Kim00]

Thank you. It's the guilt that bothers me so much and I just need to be okay with it.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

Your living a lie.

How do you know he would still stay with you after you tell him? Tell him and see if he'd still want to be engaged to you.

[Wakeup]

You only want to tell him to alleviate this MIS-PLACED guilt you're feeling. You were not a couple when you dated the other guy (this is yet another reason why people should wait a while after breaking up instead of jumping from one guy/girl to another... it avoids unnecessary drama such as this).
Anyway: Don't tell him. It will just cause all kinds of a shit storm right now. When you're 60 years old and if you find you're still together then tell him then. You did NOTHING wrong so please don't feel guilty. If you had told him the truth, it sounds like he would have done something stupid like punch the crap out of the guy and then he would have ended up in jail and you'd not be with him anyway if that happened .. So: Assume that is what would have happened, change your frame of mind from feeling guilty to feeling glad you saved him from himself and get on with your life.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

You only want to tell him to alleviate this MIS-PLACED guilt you're feeling. You were not a couple when you dated the other guy (this is yet another reason why people should wait a while after breaking up instead of jumping from one guy/girl to another... it avoids unnecessary drama such as this).
Anyway: Don't tell him. It will just cause all kinds of a shit storm right now. When you're 60 years old and if you find you're still together then tell him then. You did NOTHING wrong so please don't feel guilty. If you had told him the truth, it sounds like he would have done something stupid like punch the crap out of the guy and then he would have ended up in jail and you'd not be with him anyway if that happened .. So: Assume that is what would have happened, change your frame of mind from feeling guilty to feeling glad you saved him from himself and get on with your life.

Or he could punch the crap out of her. You dont know what he would do, until you tell him.

And nobody goes to jail for first time common assault. He would probably just get 12 month good behavior bond, no criminal conviction recorded and fine of about $250.

Prison is the last resort of sentencing, where all other possible resorts have been exhausted and proven to be not working on that individual.

[Kim00]

I know we would still be together. He would just be hurt and feel like he couldn't trust me when he can.

[Wakeup]

And nobody goes to jail for first time common assault. He would probably just get 12 month good behavior bond, no criminal conviction recorded and fine of about $250.

Well, I totally believe YOU would know about that first hand.

OP: Look at it this way, Kim. It was a story to help change your mind-set so that you can let go of your mis-placed guilt.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

I know we would still be together. He would just be hurt and feel like he couldn't trust me when he can.

Do you have a mind reader? You cant speak on his behalf, unless you have mind reader off course.

[Kim00]

I'm sorry, Eng.jackadmans but don't want your advice after reading your profile posts. You vandalized a girls house and car after she turned you down for a date. I would like mature posters' advice only please. Thanks.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

I'm sorry, Eng.jackadmans but don't want your advice after reading your profile posts. You vandalized a girls house and car after she turned you down for a date. I would like mature posters' advice only please. Thanks.

Firstly thats prejudicial, and my facts still stands.

There is know way for you know how he will react until you tell him. honesty's the best policy.

By keeping it a secret your building a marriage on lies.

[Kim00]

So I guess you are not lying when you say you're 18 but an aerospace engineer?

[Eng.Jackadmans]

So I guess you are not lying when you say you're 18 but an aerospace engineer?

When did I say I was 18?

[smackie9]

Oh drop it. I agree you were just in the talking stage and nothing was ever stated about being official. It would have been different if he walked into that birthday party with you at his side letting everyone know you two were together again. I would have felt the same way being treated like an outcast. He left you feeling with uncertainty by doing that so whatever happened is none of his business.

[michelle23]

just learn a lesson and dont make the same mistakes again. stop feeling guilty you did nothing wrong, you thought it was over and he acted like it was at the time. just put it behind you and look forward to your future with him.