I don't understand what happened....

[Introvert]

This is really eating me up to be honest, I'm opinion seeking on what went wrong, because I'm confused to say the least.

Let me give you a little back story: I was seeing a girl who's been a long term friend, I got drunk & "cheated" on her, she was upset but we worked it out and started seeing each other again, I later find out that she's planning on leaving the country for the summer.

(The word cheated is in quotation marks, as it wasn't cheating in truest sense of the word, or anywhere close to it even)

Now for the next chapter of the "story".
After I found out about her leaving for the summer, it seemed to me like the only thing to do was to ask her if she saw our relationship going anywhere. I still had a couple of weeks left so I put it off for the moment. Things were going fine, we'd talk on the phone most days and she'd keep me up long into the night with text messages. I didn't think much about it at the time but, in retrospect, I thought she was being a little clingy. I went out at the weekend, it was the first night we would both be out drinking since I "cheated" as I'd usually just go out drinking with the lads. I went with my friends and she went with hers, for geographical convenience. When we got there we all met up, but here's the kicker - she doesn't even acknowledge me, like at all, not even a hi. As you can imagine I'm fairly confused at this point. I kick on with the night anyway and get a few drinks down, with a "we'll see what happens later" kind of attitude. A few in the group were making some harmless jokes about the two of us, all in good fun, but I could see she wasn't all that comfortable. About half way through the night she disappears, which I later find out is something to do with me. I ask her friends what the deal is, they're reluctant to talk since she apparently told them not to. Eventually I got it out of them. They said, that she said that her and I are finished and she feels bad about leading me on. Here's the root of my confusion.

For her to be "leading me on", I'd have to want her more than she wants me though, right? Not to sound arrogant, but I can promise you that this definitely wasn't, isn't and never has been the case. She was the one who "liked" me for several years before anything happened. She was the one who'd ask me to do shots and dance with her every time we'd go out. She was the one that kissed me first. She was the one that instigated the relationship. If anything, although I did like her, I was the one leading her on. I "cheated" on her, but she led me on... Yeah, good one .

I probably seem bitter, or angry even and, to tell you the truth, I am and I think I have every right to be. She hadn't got the tact or the class to speak to me face to face, heck she could've even gotten one of her friends to say something to me if she couldn't face me. She didn't though, she ignored me and hoped I just go away, which to be fair kind of worked as I haven't spoken to her since and don't plan on doing so anytime soon. She showed herself for what she really is, a child (Mentality wise I mean, she's not literally a child, although that would be a good twist for like a short story or even a novel, wouldn't it? I know what I'm doing when I'm done here) and to be honest, I want nothing more to do with her. I genuinely couldn't care less that we're finished, plenty more fish in the sea and all that, it's just the fact that it came so far out of left field that's left me, for lack of a better word, bewildered.

[VincenzoG91]

You're better off without her. I don't think that you are going to miss her, since you seem more upset that _she_ dumped _you_ than you are about the end of the relationship. It must have been a terrible burden for you to try to care about somebody else as much as you care about yourself. You won't clarify your "cheating" here, but you are angry that she didn't have the class or tact to speak to you that night. Did you have much class or tact when you cheated on her? Really? No. And no, you don't have the right to complain or be bewildered, when you are the one who ruined the relationship with your "cheating." I realize that you desperately want to seem like the hero of your story, but there is really nothing heroic about cheating.

[Introvert]

You're better off without her. I don't think that you are going to miss her, since you seem more upset that _she_ dumped _you_ than you are about the end of the relationship. It must have been a terrible burden for you to try to care about somebody else as much as you care about yourself. You won't clarify your "cheating" here, but you are angry that she didn't have the class or tact to speak to you that night. Did you have much class or tact when you cheated on her? Really? No. And no, you don't have the right to complain or be bewildered, when you are the one who ruined the relationship with your "cheating." I realize that you desperately want to seem like the hero of your story, but there is really nothing heroic about cheating.

Honestly, I appreciate you telling it how you see it, so thanks for your reply.

That's the thing though - she didn't actually dump me. I really wouldn't have minded all that much if she did.

And about the "cheating", that was a long time ago and I genuinely thought we had moved past it. She could have easily ended it there. Why would she waste both her time and mine, unless she was just looking for revenge? For one, she isn't the type and secondly, if she did just want revenge, why does she claim to her friends that she "feels bad about it" now?

I get what you're saying, but it really doesn't make sense.

[Wakeup]

Your ego is singing a fine tune, Introvert. My advice: Tell it to shut up and forget everything but the lesson. You did a betrayal to her and she led you on by attempting to forgive you when she obviously really couldn't.

How convenient that you skipped right over said betrayal like it was nadda.

Oh, well. Onward ye must go.

[Introvert]

Your ego is singing a fine tune, Introvert. My advice: Tell it to shut up and forget everything but the lesson. You did a betrayal to her and she led you on by attempting to forgive you when she obviously really couldn't.

How convenient that you skipped right over said betrayal like it was nadda.

Oh, well. Onward ye must go.

The reason I only spoke briefly about my "cheating" was due to the fact that I posted it somewhere else before, and I really didn't want to write it all up again. The full story is obviously a lot more densely layered than my original post. I'm in no way trying to make light of my "cheating", it was an awful thing to do, not to mention extremely out of character for me and I went through a state of depression for a while afterwards. My family and friends noticed this but I don't know whether or not she knew. I was only able to get over it when I learned that she "forgave" me for it. Whether that was true or not, I really don't know.

[Introvert]

We'll definitely have to be around each other quite a lot in the future, since we hang out in the same group of friends so to minimize any potential awkwardness, I think I'll just text her to say that she really shouldn't feel bad about anything regarding me, and leave it at that.

I'm going through a lot of mixed emotions at the moment, so does that seem like a good or bad idea?

[Introvert]

bump for more opinions!

[michelle23]

why do you keep saying "cheating" instead of cheating? your not taking it seriously, you dont understand how much you hurt her, what she sacrificed to try and forgive you and then when she realized she couldnt get over the pain-she ended it.

you screwed up this relationship-not her. accept responsibility, learn from it and avoid making the same stupid decisions again.

why are you saying "cheating" as if you did nothing wrong when you obviously did!

[Introvert]

why do you keep saying "cheating" instead of cheating? your not taking it seriously, you dont understand how much you hurt her, what she sacrificed to try and forgive you and then when she realized she couldnt get over the pain-she ended it.

you screwed up this relationship-not her. accept responsibility, learn from it and avoid making the same stupid decisions again.

why are you saying "cheating" as if you did nothing wrong when you obviously did!

It's not as if I had sex with someone else. I got very drunk and kissed another girl, that's the long and short of it.

[VincenzoG91]

Honestly, I appreciate you telling it how you see it, so thanks for your reply.

That's the thing though - she didn't actually dump me. I really wouldn't have minded all that much if she did.

And about the "cheating", that was a long time ago and I genuinely thought we had moved past it. She could have easily ended it there. Why would she waste both her time and mine, unless she was just looking for revenge? For one, she isn't the type and secondly, if she did just want revenge, why does she claim to her friends that she "feels bad about it" now?

I get what you're saying, but it really doesn't make sense.

I think that she wanted to forgive you, but she gradually discovered that she couldn't stop thinking negative thoughts about you. Maybe it was constant, or maybe it was just an aggravating factor for her that made normal arguments feel worse than they were. If she just couldn't get over the past, then it's better for both of you to split and move on.

[michelle23]

fyi kissing IS cheating. it still hurts and is hard to forgive. you obviously still think its no big deal. its a big deal to her. maybe you should stop drinking so much if you cant keep your lips to yourself?

[VincenzoG91]

fyi kissing IS cheating. it still hurts and is hard to forgive. you obviously still think its no big deal. its a big deal to her. maybe you should stop drinking so much if you cant keep your lips to yourself?

He wanted to kiss her anyway; alcohol just lowered his inhibitions.

[oceansofpeople]

Just leave it. Move on, maybe she's not happy anymore. Let her go, she's not the only girl in this world.

[Introvert]

Just leave it. Move on, maybe she's not happy anymore. Let her go, she's not the only girl in this world.

I would if I could, but I really won't be able to avoid her, so I feel as if I should at least try to mend fences. If she still wants to be friends, she should appreciate me trying.

[Introvert]

Thank you to everyone who replied, although it probably wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, It was something I definitely needed to. You gave me the closure I needed, and now I understand. It's my fault and mine alone. In a way I'm glad that it is my fault though, I'd rather that I look like the bad guy rather than her, because she's really not a bad girl. I was way out of line, and because she never really made a big deal out of it, I treated my cheating like it was nothing when in reality it was incredibly disrespectful. I'll try my best to be her friend if she'll have me as that, and at the very least I learned an important lesson from all this, and that is that I need to man up and have a lot more respect for women in the future.

Again, thank you all.