Does he even care at all?!

[Alexaaababieee]

So my bf/ex? (it's complicated) and I have an unconventional relationship. He's 21 and I'm 25. We've been together 2 years and have been living together a year and a half.

He hasn't always been the best bf. It's often kind of bipolar on his end. One minute disrespectful, insensitive, criticizing, and very testing of my trust. The next minute caring, putting in the effort, talking about our future, the works. I knew our relationship was rocky for a long time, but we needed to continue living together for financial reasons. (A part of me also thought if I gave him enough time he would mature and things would change, they of course didn't)

He finally told me last month he was moving to another city and didn't want me to come with him. He didn't want to be in a relationship, felt tied down/married, and wants to live the "college life" and figure himself out. He says he cares about me, has feelings for me, and loves me. But he's also known for saying things I want to hear, so I'm basing things off his actions. We're in the transition period, still living together waiting for our lease to end. He doesn't seem to be regretful or even sad about any of this at all. He's actually been happier, like if a weight has been lifted.

I guess I'm just feeling really stupid for caring so much about him for so long and not that it will change anything, but ... I just need to know for my own peace of mind, does he even care at all?

[VincenzoG91]

Seems like he cares more about himself than he ever cared about you. He loved the idea of being in love more than he loved you.

[Alexaaababieee]

I'm starting to feel like he's just been using me. He's had issues with his parents and. Since I'm older, they highly approve of me and feel that I 'keep him in check'. A part of me just thinks he used me to get out of his parents house. We recently moved to a new city also, and he told me his parents never would have let him come on his own. Idk.

[smackie9]

You were dating a 19-21 year old! They are still like kids with a short attention span. Sure when you are in the honeymoon phase all that warm and fuzzy feeling, thinking about being together, etc....it's a phase! and should never be taken as promises. He is young, he wants to have more pus**y before he has the responsability of marriage, kids, mortgage, etc. Who the hell wants to be doing that at that age? Vey few! Let him go so he can experience what it's like to be an adult with freedom!

His parents are douchy for treating him like that. It's no wonder he is chomping at the bit to GTFO. "Since I'm older, they highly approve of me" ya I'd say you were the babysitter lol.

[smackie9]

Tip: First mistake: to wait for them to "mature and change", find someone that doesn't need maintainance. Co-dependant? Shinning knight?

[Alexaaababieee]

Yeah I totally get where he's coming from. I understand he's 21. Like I said, we are both in mutual agreement that we go our separate ways and are just waiting for our lease to end.

What I'm upset about is that he seems like he doesn't even care and this isn't something that he is going to at least regret in any way. It would be nice to see some sort of sadness over the situation from him, since he is my best friend and I've spent the past few years of my life with him.

[michelle23]

his actions up till now has proved he doesnt really care so why should he now when its over? get help for your co-dependency

[basilandthyme]

He sounds like he's very ready to move on. I'm sure he did care at one stage, but he's now older and starting to make decisions for what he'd like his life to be like. This is totally normal for a man of his age. Unfortunately, the current situation isn't where he wants to be or continue doing.

I have to say that from my own experience, it's not unusual to have no regret or sadness when deciding to move on. Likewise, I totally relate to the feeling of a weight being lifted. I will also add that some people do their mourning for the relationship while they are still in it - so by the time they are ready to leave, they can do so without sadness. The sadness has already been processed and left behind.

Think about it this way, what is there to be sad about when looking to the future? The future is an open book - and there's no sense dwelling in the past.

[smackie9]

The relationship is over, you shouldn't even concern yourself how he feels....it really doesn't matter now. Some people don't want to grieve, they just want to move on and forward. 2 years isn't that long, it is what it is. Focus your time on more productive things like dating, getting back to your independance, going out, doing your own thing.

[michelle23]

i second that. stop wallowing and get out with your girls. have some fun. its his loss and theres plenty more fish in the sea. set your stsndards higher next time thougj. stop hopjng people will change. they wont. you cat fix anybody. just make sure the next one comes in a more mature box with a shiny ribbon stating "no issues"

[seannn]

He sounds like he's very ready to move on. I'm sure he did care at one stage, but he's now older and starting to make decisions for what he'd like his life to be like. This is totally normal for a man of his age. Unfortunately, the current situation isn't where he wants to be or continue doing.

I have to say that from my own experience, it's not unusual to have no regret or sadness when deciding to move on. Likewise, I totally relate to the feeling of a weight being lifted. I will also add that some people do their mourning for the relationship while they are still in it - so by the time they are ready to leave, they can do so without sadness. The sadness has already been processed and left behind.

Think about it this way, what is there to be sad about when looking to the future? The future is an open book - and there's no sense dwelling in the past.

very true.

[oceansofpeople]

It's over. You have to love your self, if he doesn't care about you. He's a plastic person. It's nice to have a relationship that older than you.