Wife had an affair - is my son actually mine? Please offer advice !

[Mike1977]

Hi guys and girls,

Just after some advice.

My and my (now) ex-partner have two wonderful children. One is 5 and the youngest 2. I found out recently that a few months prior to my partner falling pregnant with our second child that she was having a full-blown affair that lasted months if not years with the same guy and they had unprotected sex. She has finally admitted it after I found the evidence in her phone so I know all that. She also admitted to the un-protected bit. The thing is, now we are seperated for a month and when I get the children I keep getting the niggling doubt in my head about my youngest who would have been conceived 3 maybe 4 months after the affair (that is if the affair indeed ended when she told me - there was many lies)

I look at my youngest, I love him dearly and have bonded as his father but now the affair came to light there a small percentage of doubt in my mind as there is distinct differences in appearance between his elder brother.

Should I go the DNA testing route? Do I need mother's consent for this?

What do you think?

[lishieloo]

Wow, this is a tough one.... I guess the main question is do you love the child....which it seems you do, so in my opinion it wouldnt be worth the heart ache it will cause to you and the child, who has only know you as its dad (anyone can be a father- it takes a man to be a dad) would it not be worth movng on in life with yourself as single coming to terms with the affair and perhaps seeing what the future holds?

[Mike1977]

I know its tough, I'm still coming to terms with what has gone on. I love the child from the moment he entered the world. I'm a good father and a good man but this doubt is there if you know what I mean.

[Valixy]

If I was a man and I had real doubts about a child being mine, I'd want to know the truth. I can understand that.

[vashti]

I guess you will have to decide if - in your heart - you are this boy's father, or if you will abandon him if he is someone else's biologically. If the former, then forget the DNA testing because it doesn't ultimately matter, and if the latter, then I guess you can go ahead and get it done. You probably don't need to get mom's consent if you have full parental rights.

I have to say though: it is sad when kids pay the price for their parent's shortcomings.

Also - if it makes you feel any better, none of my siblings look anything alike except for eye color. We range from brown hair to red to tow-headed blonde, and vary in height.

[stev123]

The sooner you find out whether its your kids or not, the better it is for the kids...what if the worst was to happen and you were not their father?

[dem862]

I had my son DNA tested. Didn't need the mom's consent. IIRC I only needed his birth certificate and my ID. It cost me $500 and yes, he is mine. At the time I was in the situation of negotiating child support and I wanted to know. I subsequently paid child support for 13 years which amounted to about $100,000. It was easier to write that check every month knowing for sure he was my responsibility.

[Mike1977]

I know already in my head that even if he wasnt biologically mine, I'm his father. I raised him and it's me who he looks to for a cuddle, no-one else. So, I think for my sanity I need to know, but regardless of the outcome I will raise him as my own because blood-related or not he's my baby.

[lishieloo]

I know already in my head that even if he wasnt biologically mine, I'm his father. I raised him and it's me who he looks to for a cuddle, no-one else. So, I think for my sanity I need to know, but regardless of the outcome I will raise him as my own because blood-related or not he's my baby.

I like this... you have to do what's right for you

[okwhat2013]

Yea, been in similar situation, there are cheap mail tests now a days and you just need to swab the inside of the child's mouth. I would do it for legal reasons not love. Love is Not about a piece of paper and neither is being good father have anything to do with biology. Either way that is your sons brother and always will be, and always will be family.

[surfhb2]

I know already in my head that even if he wasnt biologically mine, I'm his father. I raised him and it's me who he looks to for a cuddle, no-one else. So, I think for my sanity I need to know, but regardless of the outcome I will raise him as my own because blood-related or not he's my baby.

Now that's a man ! Thumbs up