Fellatio Uh-Oh

[allis]

My husband and I got into one of those bone-deep discussion sessions. One of the things he asked about is why I have such a hard time with semen. I love oral sex, giving and receiving. And his own personal smell is very arousing. However, I cannot stand for his semen to touch me (as in outside the body) or to smell his semen. Vaginal is the only way I don’t have a problem with. The scent of his semen (not sweat or anything else) makes me extremely nauseous to the point of gagging/vomiting.

Most of the web discussions touch on diet being a factor to change the taste of semen, but what do I do when I cannot even withstand the feel of it on, say, my leg?

This has been a detriment to our sexual life, because my husband feels that he cannot enjoy sex with me (in the way he wants), knowing that I hate that part of sex (his word), and I cannot give him a reason why I have this reaction, nor how to “work on it” to maybe be able to at the very least, not throw up after sex. Kills that whole after-glow. =( He states he feels that I may even hate him, or am not sexually attracted to him, because I do not like the climactic ending on his part. Now, internally, I 100% love, and handjobs are fine... just... I have a towel close and it goes there. Not my chest or anywhere else on my body.

One research bit I found listed: “Her dispute with disgust rests largely on psychological evidence. She cites the work of the experimental psychologist Paul Rozin, who, after testing people's reactions to different disgusting substances, concluded that the core objects of disgust — feces, spit and semen — are all things that remind people of their own animality and decay. Disgust is revulsion at the prospect of taking decaying animal products into the body, she says. It guards the body's borders.”

While, yea said like that, that is pretty disgusting, that’s not what I think of semen. Or is it? I cannot site any specific reasoning for my actions, it simply... is.

So how do I a) correct it (to his way of thinking) or b) let him down gently that this is just the way I am?

[Asip4u]

Allis, have a serious talk with him and make sure that when you explain what bothers you, you also mention all the great things he does well. That way he won't get the idea that he's turning you off.

[mini696]

First off... Being male.... I dont understand why there is a problem. I have touched some dodgy stuff in my time.

So in answer to your direct questions.
a) Build a bridge... And get over it. Its only semen, wipe and its gone.
b) You cant. If he doesn't already understand then all that MAY help is time.

What about using condoms?

Try playing a game with your husband. Let him tie you up (blindfold is more important), and hame him pour all sorts of different liquids over you. This might help you relax with the sensation semen gives you when you touch it.

Personally I think you are being a skirt (wimp). But I dont understand a lot of phobias, and thats what this is... A phobia towards touching semen... I wonder what that is called?? Semenaphobia??

Also what ASIP said... Talk, talk, talk... Convince your husband that its not him, and keep telling him that.

Mick

[mini696]

In addition... **WARNING GRAPHIC MATERIAL**

I once had a GF who "squirted" when she orgasmed. She was extremely shy about it, to the point where she wouldnt have sex because it embarrased her. The bit which embarrased her was wetting me. I tried and tried to convince her that it was actually a BIG turn on for me, because it actually made me feel like I did something right when she came.

So what I did one time was cum on her (she wasnt expecting it) and she was majorly turned on by it. She realised how much fun it can be to be dripping wet after sex. From then on she wasnt worried (well it wasnt instant, but it got better and better until we broke up).

I realise this is different to your situation but I hope it helps.

Here is a VERY personal question.... I understand if you dont want to answer.
Do you cum?

If you do... Get him... Wet him good. See if his reaction is like yours. If you don't, practice, most women should be able too.

You need to find out what EXACTLY it is about semen that irks you.

Mick

[Asip4u]

yea mini, i was thinking about them doing different tests to make her more comfortable with it..the thing is, usually when someone has a phobia like this, it's hard to find a quick fix..She might start liking it but then again, it may never happen so her husband has to understand this.

[shh!]

I just don't get men that make such a big issue out of such a small thing. It's not like she doesn't enjoy the sex. Why is it assumed that SHE has the problem? Why is it so important to him that things be done his way?

[Asip4u]

Why is it so important to him that things be done his way?

shh!, I agree, but it's pretty much the same way for women who want things done their way. At the end, it comes down to compromising.

[whaywardj]

A risk in all this, Allis, is that he'll seek swallow-it-all blow jobs or titty-cums elsewhere if he's fixated on having them. The aversion IS psychological. I think, rather than ask how to change it for his benefit, ask why it's even there at all for yours.

[Only-virgins]

its just semen ...avoid it then

[Tone]

Do you also freak out when anything else is spilled on you? Like if someone spilled some yogurt on your leg would you freak? Or is it just semen?

But yeah I agree it is kinda silly.. what's the big deal just don't cum on her if she don't like it.

[shh!]

A risk in all this, Allis, is that he'll seek swallow-it-all blow jobs or titty-cums elsewhere if he's fixated on having them.

If he is so fixated that he would seek it elsewhere, I say HE is the one with the problem, and she'd be better of without him. Who cares if her aversion is psychological? So is his fixation. Why is his fixation more important than her aversion? She doesn't prevent him from ejaculating (even IN her).

I guess I'd feel more sorry for him if she simply refused him sex altogether. He sounds like a selfish baby.

[Tone]

Yeah I agree, if anyone has a problem here it's him. She doesn't want him to cum on her, it shouldn't be this serious of an issue where he can't just say "Okay I won't cum on you" and instead turns it into "You're not attracted to me anymore cause you won't let me jizz on you!!!"

[whaywardj]

Calm down, shh! God. You can be so friggin' overly-defensive sometimes. I never once said anything about it being anyone's problem. It's an issue between them. And since resolving issues involves compromise, there's no point in trying to make one or the other more responsible for fixing it. Unless she's allergic to cum, there's no physiological reason to have such an extreme aversion to it. (And it IS extreme. To not be able to stand it on her skin is, at best, interesting.) There's something psychological going on there she might want to get to the bottom of. On the other hand, if he's so fixated on having what she dosen't want or can't do, there's a psychological issue there HE may want to get to the bottom of. Somewhere between the two explorations, they might be able to find a happy medium and put the matter behind them. That's all I was implying. Is that OKAY with YOU, Dear? ::sheesh:: (xo)

[Tisban]

All right my turn.

Lets start this right. We have been together 8 years, married for 2. We are great friends and love spending lots of time together. Just a small background run.

Next I have no dreams about cumming all over her... or for that matter anybody else. At first she found out she didn't like the smell (I said didn't like to start) It wasn't bad if I came on her we would clean it up when we decided we could move again (grin). As time has gone by it seems to have gotten worse Now if any touches her she is reaching for a towel and making faces like... like. Something died in the bedroom... kind of kills the after glow.

For me I think the climax at the end is well... the climax it should be the best part. I don't want her to think she has to play in my seamen but... when she is almost puking well ... I mean I love the women and I don't want to do something she doesn’t like. So this is giving me kind of a complex about my own self. So I tried talking with her about it and seeing what she can come up with.

I don't think she hates me; I think she just has troubles with this and would like to talk about it and get more than just an I don't know answer. I mean the other night we got some whip cream oh yeah was going to get kinky... she puts some on me and starts licking it off... then stops and has to put it away she says was just to close to the real thing she couldn't do it... this freaks me out and makes me kind of stay away sexual.

I do have to say I like the blind fold and try different things on her. I hope she would be willing to try it but I am pretty sure her... dislike of blindfolds will play in and I will get a no there. Hehe Welp thanks for some ideas though.

[whaywardj]

I take it we're talking about oral sex here, Tis, and issues around semen per se, not even to mention swallowing. Right?