Is my friend trying to sabotage my new relationship or is she onto something?

[TransitionChick]

I agree with you Maple1714 but it's who I am and is probably another reason I've been out of the game for so long, amongst other reasons. I also never been around such a scandalous acting chick like herself. It's just too much for my personality and I'm going to start pulling away starting today. It won't be easy cause she lives in the building but what can ya do? I'm so tempted to point sh*t out to her. Maybe if I back off, she'll get the picture and see the errors in her ways? I dunno. Probably not.

Yeah those E card images are too much. I tend to quote Lao Tzu, which is such a contradiction cause I am anything but in the Tao but I would like to be.

Looking back at my text, I'd have to agree with you. It was lengthy but we don't talk on the phone that often and we don't FB message each other. Supposedly his last girlfriend of 8 months in 2009 said he called too much and I guess crushed his heart and ego. He hasn't had sex since then, not sure if he casually dated but he's very shy and lacks a lot of confidence. He's very self critical. I find the shyness endearing but not the whole fear of calling me aspect. I'm not her, not by a long shot.

So how do I get him to call me more? When he does texts, which is like every two days and after a few long exchange of texts, I mention that my eyes are tired after looking at the screen and rather have him call me.It always works and he calls but I have to say that every stinking time. We usually have long convos through text but when he does call we talk for about 2 hours at a time and it's a fair balance of talking.

When were together, he has trouble looking into my eyes, puts his face down a lot and smiles. Our first few dates, his hands were shaking and he is still very shy after a month, still blushes. He's a lot of effort and patience but I like him that much. Most of his friends are happy for him and are very welcoming, especially the couples. I just think there are those that are worried about this chick J and that I may be like her. Also his friend/drinking buddy that is not happy to lose his pissed up, face down at the bar pal to me.

B actually just got back to me, during his lunch break. "Don't worry about Monday. Wasn't a big deal. Sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday. I was really tired."

So there ya go. It's still all craziness to me. Between Scandalous J and his DBF (Drunk Best Friend), I'm just wishing they'd shag, get knocked up, have the kid and be drunks together forever. LOL

[TransitionChick]

Thank you so much Maple. You're a star!
I'm always kicking myself for being too serious or analytical. It's a vicious circle.You're right, my childhood is the root of everything but I have had therapy because I used to be very pessimistic, depressed and self destructive. I'm much different now but I can't shake the over-compensation, over-analyzing, etc. I've tried. Trying to find a balance, so I will mos def check out the book.
I'm actually near B&N tomorrow, so I'll pop in and pick it up. Thinking about heading to the beach on Friday, on a writing day! Feel guilty but I haven't had a holiday since 2008. A day at the beach alone with a good book is in order.

Spiritual seeking hippie, nah... Pretty awesome chick.. yeah.

[Maple1714]

"B's" response was very nice. So now, just start fresh and only focus on him, forget everything else. Don't worry so much about your girlfriend or her feelings or anything about her. If she comes to you and asks why you have pulled away, just be honest with her. Maybe it can help her?

I had a friend like that. Last July I was out with her and she drove me nuts...I haven't seen her since then. She was all dressed up like she was going out to the st rip club, flirting with all my guy friends to the point of embarrassment. Some guy at the bar called her a "slut" and she got upset, turned to me and said "At least I haven't gotten knocked up yet"...that was the last straw for me. Dumb bitch. I have a child. She actually F-ed the dude who called her a slut the next night!! Crazy.

[Maple1714]

On 2nd thought, I shouldn't judge my old friends behavior, b/c she has her own issues shes working through. Just sometimes its the right time to walk away from someone in your life who no longer serves you for the better. Can't feel guilty about it, b/c it's self preservation.

Thanks, and I'm glad you found my advice helpful. Now if I can apply my own advice to my life!

[TransitionChick]

It was very nice of him to respond and very reassuring. You're right. Start fresh and focus on us. Going to make an effort to keep most of our time away from the pub, unless there's a game on. His friend is an ok guy but during the last interactions with him, I know he wishes he had his booze buddy back. Kinda selfish on his part because in despite of B being a bit resistant to change, he is more happier.

Good advice regarding my friend. I'm just going to pull away, say I'm unwell or on a date, working, etc. It's not going to be easy but maybe she'll get the picture. If not, I am going to be as delicate as possible about how her behavior is off-putting and how she comes across to others and how it affects me. She may not care but maybe she'll realize that she is giving herself a bad rep. Maybe she'll adjust herself for local activities and save the nonsense for her city outings. One can only hope.

You have every right to be disappointed and hurt with your old friend's behavior. She was out of line and I'm sure she's old enough to know better. Her insecurities are massive but if she can't keep it in house she should at least respect the time that you extend to her, as you are a mom. I'm not a mom but I know it's one of the toughest yet rewarding jobs out there. You should be honored for it and not let anyone especially someone who is supposed to be a friend express it as a negative. Motherhood is natural, not acting like all trifling just to get attention. You are a much better person than she could be and she just had a go at you to elevate herself and justify her indecent and inappropriate carry-ons.

Good on you for walking away. I'm all about self preservation. It's keeps us grounded and open to all the wonderful things in this world. A pure body is unattainable without a pure mind and steady heart. I strive for that everyday. Some say I'm too soft but I try to keep myself from being too jaded from the harsh realities of this world. It works wonders.

This forum and contributors like yourself are just too brilliant. I'm going to participate for sure. What a wonderful and helpful community.

[TransitionChick]

New post on her wall. "Never Push A Loyal Person To The Point Where They Longer Give A F*ck".

Christ on a bike! She's too much. Passive aggressive stuff like this is so unnecessary.