Help me please Husband wants divorce what should I do?

[helpmeplease123]

This all started when I went a college reunion last week, to cut the story short my husband met someone who I dated from college and he learned that I had sex with him. I had told him that I was a virgin, because I knew it would make him upset, and he would want to break up with me, but we had so much good chemistry, everything was great with him. We've been together for 8 years, married for 3 years, we just had beautiful baby girl together about a year ago. Everything is great between us until this. He wants a divorce now. He doesn't want to talk about it. Every time we talk now its never on personal level, its very formal. The only thing he said that come close to being on a emotional/personal level was, "I don't think we need a counselor, YOU need a lawyer". On the weekend, he come home with a girl. I asked who she was, he said her name and nothing more. They went into his room and I think they had sex. I thought if he had sex with someone else maybe he could get whatever he has out of his system. The next day, nothing changed.

His not interested in talking about this, I asked him can we talk about this. He said "What are you referring to?", I said "about the all this that's happening with you, your acting like this different person. This is NOT you." he replied "sorry, I don't mean to seem rude, I don't know what you talking about. Have a good day" and he left for work.

I don't know what I'd do without him, I love him to bits. What should I do? Is there ANYTHING that I can do?

I just want my life to go back to the way it was.

EDIT:I've never seen him like this, he is like a completely changed person. He is usually very emotional, says cute things, cheer full. And he doesn't seem upset at all about any of this, I am a wreck. His just very formal now. I didn't even realize that he was this serious about the the divorce. The first I knew about the divorce was when a process server, severed me with the papers on Tuesday morning. I tried calling him at work and on his phone, he never picked up, the next day I received a phone call from the police, the Constable told me There were some allegation that I was harassing him, and I told him the story, he said, well he doesn't want you to call him. I want you to stop calling him, otherwise I would be charged with harassment". I don't know why he is doing all these immature things, like reporting me to the police.

[stev123]

Shouldn't have lied.

[helpmeplease123]

Shouldn't have lied.

If said anything else, we wouldn't have gotten to where we are today.

At first I didn't think that he would make much of it, since we are this far into our relationship.

[basilandthyme]

If said anything else, we wouldn't have gotten to where we are today.

Which is exactly the problem: not only were you not a virgin, but you only caught him because you lied to him. Hiding a 'deal breaker' will never end well.

I have to say his behaviour is very unusual for an Australian man. Frankly, if I had a boyfriend who wanted a virginal girlfriend, I'd be showing him the door. Do you mind me asking your and his cultural background?

As for saving the marriage, it takes two to make a marriage work. If he's determined to end it, there's nothing you can do except see a lawyer.

[helpmeplease123]

Which is exactly the problem: not only were you not a virgin, but you only caught him because you lied to him. Hiding a 'deal breaker' will never end well.

I have to say his behaviour is very unusual for an Australian man. Frankly, if I had a boyfriend who wanted a virginal girlfriend, I'd be showing him the door. Do you mind me asking your and his cultural background?

As for saving the marriage, it takes two to make a marriage work. If he's determined to end it, there's nothing you can do except see a lawyer.

He just being stubborn, it doesn't make any sense for him to end it. Everything is great between us besides this. Isn't there anything that I can do? or anything you suggest I do?

I would rather not say, but I can say, neither of us are very religious, however I am more religious than him.

[helpmeplease123]

Do you think he is genuinely determined to end it? Or is he just being immature trying to be stubborn? I know he is very much upset behind the facade his trying to pull off.

[basilandthyme]

He just being stubborn, it doesn't make any sense for him to end it.

You LIED to him about something he believes is very important and deliberately caught him under false pretences. He's lost all trust in you and probably thinks that if you've lied about something this important to him, then what else have you lied about. Finding out that you've married a fake is actually a very good reason to end things

Your apparent lack of remorse for what you've done is alarming.

[helpmeplease123]

You LIED to him about something he believes is very important and deliberately caught him under false pretences. He's lost all trust in you and probably thinks that if you've lied about something this important to him, then what else have you lied about. Finding out that you've married a fake is actually a very good reason to end things

Your apparent lack of remorse for what you've done is alarming.

I am sorry, I'm very sorry. If I could change the past, I would.

I just want help, what can I do now? to try and make this work?

[helpmeplease123]

I wonder if he was having an affair someone else, and he just wanted a reason to break up with me. If this was true I could handle it, but his breaking up with me for no apparent reason. Its just a waste of something good.

I had sex with him, because I loved him at the time.

I don't know why he is acting this way.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

Your used material. boys may sleep with you for fun, but they will not marry you. Sorry sweetheart but that's the truth.

Like your correctly stated from the start, he would have broken up with you years ago, had you told him the truth. Nobody wants to put a ring on used material.

[Starnique]

Your used material. boys may sleep with you for fun, but they will not marry you. Sorry sweetheart but that's the truth.

Like your correctly stated from the start, he would have broken up with you years ago, had you told him the truth. Nobody wants to put a ring on used material.

That's not true. You may not want to and you have that right but you don't speak for everyone else. One of my best friends is getting married and she is not a virgin so how do you explain that? And to think my non virgin self is her bridesmaid.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

That's not true. You may not want to and you have that right but you don't speak for everyone else. One of my best friends is getting married and she is not a virgin so how do you explain that? And to think my non virgin self is her bridesmaid.

Clearly that guy doesn't have much self respect or your best friend is a high income earner.

Lets face it, the person in this thread is clearly doomed. Not is not no longer a virgin, now she's got a divorce and kid on her hand. who in the right mind would marry her again?

[Starnique]

Do you realize how stupid you sound? In fact, the only thing that's clear is your stupidity. Not that it's your business but her fiancé, he is the higher income earner. You need to take that negative BS somewhere else. I know several people that are well off and live happy in that situation so a chick with a kid, virgin or not is not doomed. Any woman that meets you clearly is.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

Do you realize how stupid you sound? In fact, the only thing that's clear is your stupidity. Not that it's your business but her fiancé, he is the higher income earner. You need to take that negative BS somewhere else. I know several people that are well off and live happy in that situation so a chick with a kid, virgin or not is not doomed. Any woman that meets you clearly is.

Then he deserves a girl, who hasn't been violated before. If he marries a used one, that clearly shows he lacks self respect. Its not my problem, its his.

[4 ratties]

I don't think there's anything you can do. This guy sounds stubborn and unwilling to talk about anything. I don't see how you could take him back when he cheated on you. I would not be okay with him sleeping with someone else. Find someone better and make sure to be honest