Is this a good way to handle the situation

[Wakeup]

Also to add. A 29 year old man is interested in dating me. He still lives with his ex (on a one year lease) but they have broken up because she decided to return to her ex-husband (they have a child together. Not with this guy but with her ex-husband). He said he has move on from it and he isn't looking for a rebound relationship. Should I date him or not?

This is your problem. You don't know what is or isnt in your own best interests. First you become vulnerable to a guy that lives two hours away from you and could very well tell you anything and you'd be unable to prove him right or wrong, then, without being in a committed relationship, you go ahead and have sex with him. If you have to play games to get him to pay you attention then He's Just Not That Into You. Read the book and learn what women like you do that backfires on them.

To top it all off, you're contemplating going out with someone who is hardly come to terms with the end of his relationship if he's still living with an ex. I'm beginning to think you're afraid of commitment and so you are drawn to people who are "safe" to you because they are unable to get too close to you because of their circumstances. Then, when the don't get close you do stupid shit to compensate.

To answer your question. NO don't go out with someone who is still living with their ex. If he had his shit together, he'd leave and get her a room mate that was willing to cover the other half of the rent. For all you know he's still very much still doing her and just feeding you a line of horse shit. Stop trusting people you don't even know. Trust is earned and no sense wasting your time on people who are'nt free of ex baggage yet. O.o

Even if you are a man posing as a woman, that still applies to you.

[fearoflove]

This is your problem. You don't know what is or isnt in your own best interests. First you become vulnerable to a guy that lives two hours away from you and could very well tell you anything and you'd be unable to prove him right or wrong, then, without being in a committed relationship, you go ahead and have sex with him. If you have to play games to get him to pay you attention then He's Just Not That Into You. Read the book and learn what women like you do that backfires on them.

To top it all off, you're contemplating going out with someone who is hardly comet to terms with the end of his relationship if he's still living with an ex. I'm beginning to think you're afraid of commitment and so you are drawn to people who are "safe" to you because they are unable to get too close to you because of their circumstances.

To answer your question. NO don't go out with someone who is still living with their ex. If he had his shit together, he'd leave and get her a room mate that was willing to cover the other half of the rent. For all you know he's still very much still doing her and just feeding you a line of horse shit. Stop trusting people you don't even know. Trust is earned and no sense wasting your time on people who are'nt free of ex baggage yet. O.o

He was living with his ex but yesterday he moved out and moved into a new place. He doesn't live with her anymore.

I have a good feeling about the guy I am dating who is 2 hours away. He doesn't seem to be the type who would lie or hide something like this from me. Although, it is possible he might be lying or hiding something, I think trust is important and I don't see any fishy behaviour going on that gives me a reason to suspect.

[Osbaston]

I remember my ex told me that when I would seem distant and take a long time to respond to his texts or not call often, he would do the same things to me as revenge. I didn't know until we broke up and he told me (so it wasn't very effective on his part) but it wasn't because he didn't care, he just thought I didn't care as much and he was feeling hurt. He could be doing to you what he thinks you're doing to him as a petty way of getting back at you.
What I've noticed is when guys are hurt they act like it. If you've already started to see other people let him know you're moving on. He'll either be fine with it or fight to get you back. But at least get your feelings out in the open.

[Wakeup]

He was living with his ex but yesterday he moved out and moved into a new place. He doesn't live with her anymore.

Then the very first time you're going to be together within a household... make it his house. If he doesn't want you there, then he's lying to you.

I have a good feeling about the guy I am dating who is 2 hours away. He doesn't seem to be the type who would lie or hide something like this from me. Although, it is possible he might be lying or hiding something, I think trust is important and I don't see any fishy behaviour going on that gives me a reason to suspect.

You don't think him not inviting you to come see him in his town not fishy? If he can't get to you, then certainly you would think that he would invite you down to see him? Take a bus to see you? meet you half way? Call you more often and skype with you? None of that seems odd to you that he hasn't done any of that?

[MrHV]

Hi, it sounds like all that you really need to do, at least initially, is find out why he seems to be more distant. Just ask him. Not in an accusitive tone or anything like that. Just be upfront and say something like "Hey, I feel like you've been becoming more distant, what's going on?" See what he says and then from there you see in his response whether his tone is congruent with what he says. If you sense incongruency, then there is a bigger issue at hand. At which point I'd recommend being a little more direct because you don't want to waste time. If he is not strong enough to respond to you clearly, which you'll be able to sense again because of the incongruency in his tone and words, then just drop him and don't waste anymore time.

I don't recommend seeing other people until you've done the above. That way if he clears up, you don't have a mess to clean up. Hope this was helpful.

[fearoflove]

Then the very first time you're going to be together within a household... make it his house. If he doesn't want you there, then he's lying to you.

You don't think him not inviting you to come see him in his town not fishy? If he can't get to you, then certainly you would think that he would invite you down to see him? Take a bus to see you? meet you half way? Call you more often and skype with you? None of that seems odd to you that he hasn't done any of that?

Ya, it is unlikely he is lying to me. I would suggest going to his place sometime when I get to know him better. I'm sure it would be no problem.

As for the other guy I am dating long distance, he lives in a city where there isn't much things to do there so I don't want to travel to go to his place. Although, again, I am sure if I want to visit, it wouldn't be a problem. Although, I don't think that will "catch him in the act". It is unlikely he has a live in girlfriend. He lives with his roommate from his workplace. I can try skype with him but honestly my intuition isn't detecting anything fishy.

[fearoflove]

Hi, it sounds like all that you really need to do, at least initially, is find out why he seems to be more distant. Just ask him. Not in an accusitive tone or anything like that. Just be upfront and say something like "Hey, I feel like you've been becoming more distant, what's going on?" See what he says and then from there you see in his response whether his tone is congruent with what he says. If you sense incongruency, then there is a bigger issue at hand. At which point I'd recommend being a little more direct because you don't want to waste time. If he is not strong enough to respond to you clearly, which you'll be able to sense again because of the incongruency in his tone and words, then just drop him and don't waste anymore time.

I don't recommend seeing other people until you've done the above. That way if he clears up, you don't have a mess to clean up. Hope this was helpful.

I did try talking to him about it. I asked him why he hasn't been texting me lately often and he gives me some bullshit excuse about being busy. I asked him "busy with what?" and he said "well, I work then I go biking and go to the gym after and I sleep early because I have to wake up early for work the next day" which is what he always does. That has always been what he does even before he became distant. I called him out on it and he still didn't change his behaviour. It seem to me, he is holding a grudge against me and doesn't want to admit it.

So I felt lonely and started dating other people and I told him about it. Now, he texts me more.

[Wakeup]

Ya, it is unlikely he is lying to me. I would suggest going to his place sometime when I get to know him better. I'm sure it would be no problem.

Good, best to verify.

As for the other guy I am dating long distance, he lives in a city where there isn't much things to do there so I don't want to travel to go to his place. Although, again, I am sure if I want to visit, it wouldn't be a problem. Although, I don't think that will "catch him in the act". It is unlikely he has a live in girlfriend. He lives with his roommate from his workplace. I can try skype with him but honestly my intuition isn't detecting anything fishy.

Again, this is your problem. It at least seems by your responses and Modus Operendi that Your own over-inflated sense of worth won't let you believe that he'd do anything other then cherish the ground you walk on.

Who cares if there's nothing to do where he lives. The point is, he's at least inviting you to spend time with him because he misses you, and therefore showing you (by inviting you) that he values you but hey, he's not doing that is he? You're sure of a lot of things that you haven't taken the opportunity or used the common sense to verify. Instead, you'd rather play a game of "**** you, if you don't pay me attention I'll get it from any douche who will provide it" Your life, have fun.

[YoungCosmo]

That's because he is just a fat gay boy making shit up for attention. Good creative story, though. It sure has lured in you suckers.

[fearoflove]

I remember my ex told me that when I would seem distant and take a long time to respond to his texts or not call often, he would do the same things to me as revenge. I didn't know until we broke up and he told me (so it wasn't very effective on his part) but it wasn't because he didn't care, he just thought I didn't care as much and he was feeling hurt. He could be doing to you what he thinks you're doing to him as a petty way of getting back at you.
What I've noticed is when guys are hurt they act like it. If you've already started to see other people let him know you're moving on. He'll either be fine with it or fight to get you back. But at least get your feelings out in the open.

Ya, that is what I suspected too.

[Wakeup]

That's because he is just a fat gay boy making shit up for attention. Good creative story, though. It sure has lured in you suckers.

*snipped*

Yes, good creative story. The rest of your post is just YOU trolling lol

[fearoflove]

Good, best to verify.



Again, this is your problem. It at least seems by your responses and Modus Operendi that Your own over-inflated sense of worth won't let you believe that he'd do anything other then cherish the ground you walk on.

Who cares if there's nothing to do where he lives. The point is, he's at least inviting you to spend time with him because he misses you, and therefore showing you (by inviting you) that he values you but hey, he's not doing that is he? You're sure of a lot of things that you haven't taken the opportunity or used the common sense to verify. Instead, you'd rather play a game of "**** you, if you don't pay me attention I'll get it from any douche who will provide it" Your life, have fun.

I'm really not that paranoid about this enough to want to travel all the way to his place to "verify things". Besides, if he is dating someone else, I don't know why he has a reason to hide it. We're not even exclusive and I date other people too.

[YoungCosmo]

What did you "snip"? I'm curious!..which, in a different way, so is fearoflove. Maybe he ain't completely batting for the other team...Who knows?

[Wakeup]

I snipped "pot/kettle/black" type post and exchanged it for an explanatory jab instead. *big grin*

[YoungCosmo]

Lol. Should've kept it: I would've agreed and given you a Thanks.