There's a limit to forgiveness right?

[GerrardButler]

So ive been going out with this girl for almost 6 months. Doesnt

look like much on paper, but we have had the most amazing

relationship. Never felt love like this before and we are

already have talks about marriage in the future. Let me give you

the run down...

Its against our religion to drink, and in general drinking

especially a girl like her (so innocent) drinking disgusts me.

One day I found out she drank. This was a month into the

relationship. She said she was going to tell me herself and ask

for forgivness but I caught her first. Fair enough, you effed

up, I forgive you. Then again I caught her red handed lying to

me about what she was doing, when she was out drinking with her

friend. And then again, caught lying red handed. Not to mention,

through out the 6 months there were many times I had suspicions

that she was drinking but I didnt have any proof, so I just

convinced myself shes being honest and didnt drink.

So yesterday I caught her red handed lying to me for the third

time about drinking. We was almost at breaking point, until I

told her all i wanted was honesty from you. She broke down and

told me all her secrets and lies...all those times i suspected

that she was drinking, she was ACTUALLY drinking. Note: These

times she would argue with me the whole day, calling me a

untrusting jerk, having trust issues, being a paranoid git etc

made me feel so bad...now she admits that all those times i was

actually right and she was lying to me and drinking.

Ive given this girl nothing but my full honesty. My heart,

everything. Yesterday when she told me everything I felt good

inside, because she was finally being honest and admitted

everything, and she said this was it, no more drinking and IF

she did she would tell me. I forgived her for everything, put

everything out of my head and said lets start fresh.

24 hours on...and my heart is burning. She lied to me so many

times. So many times. What do I do man...i love her so much...i want to forgive her and believe shes never going to lie again...but really, can I? She just told me she's been lying for the last 6 months. It feels like the whole relationship was a lie i cant explain it. What do i do?

[basilandthyme]

You need to end things. You can find yourself a teetotaller and she can find a guy who likes a pint. Then you'll both be happy.

[lalalita]

Was there an ultimatum given? Such as, "If I find out you're lying to me and still drinking, we're over"? Or did she get away with everything without any sort of repercussions? My rule of thumb is if someone is comfortable lying to you about one thing (her drinking) she's capable of lying to you about anything. It sounds to me like she's going to "stop drinking" for a few weeks, until she gets the urge to or until one of her friends invites her our to a bar, and then she'll go back to lying to you.

It's one thing if she just lied that one time, and didn't tell you she drinks. But to continue to do it, behind your back, after you made it clear to her you didn't like it...is frankly bullshit.

You sound like a really nice, respectful, caring man. You deserve better.

[4 ratties]

Do you think she has a drinking problem? It sounds like she drinks alot. She must be miserable trying to hide it from you, its hard to hide stuff like that. but she still does it, so she may have a problem. If that's the case, no she won't be able to just quit like that. If she's genuinely just doing it "for fun" she may be able to quit and quit lying to you. I would really talk to her more about this since it is such a serious issue. See why she is drinking, even though it bothers you so much. There must be a reason behind it

[basilandthyme]

a girl like her (so innocent) drinking disgusts me.

My I also suggest you forget about the pedestool you've got her sitting on.

If she's out having fun and drinking with her friends, then she's hardly an innocent. She sounds like a regular British girl to me and you need to stop pretending that she's a fragile untouched flower.

Frankly, I doubt that in this day and age, you'll find yourself an "innocent" girl.

[searock]

My I also suggest you forget about the pedestool you've got her sitting on.

If she's out having fun and drinking with her friends, then she's hardly an innocent. She sounds like a regular British girl to me and you need to stop pretending that she's a fragile untouched flower.

Frankly, I doubt that in this day and age, you'll find yourself an "innocent" girl.

It depends on what he means by "innocent"... I'm afraid nothing good or not sexist!

[surfhb2]

Religion 1

Critical Thinking 0

[VincenzoG91]

You don't love her at all. You love some idealized version of her that you made up in your head, and then you act like a freaking nazi every time she fails to live up to that ideal. You know what's much worse than a person who likes drinking? A control freak. You don't own her. She isn't your slave. If she wants to have a drink, that's her business. And if she wants to have a drinking problem, that's a bad choice, but it's still her choice. You two shouldn't be together, and you should spend more time at church functions, because that's where you are likely to find a more proper match for your expectations.

[TablesandChairs]

I doubt she has a drinking problem; in some religions, even one drink a week is too much because they have a zero tolerance approach. So, perhaps her commitment to the religion isn't as extreme as yours; maybe she wants to have a life, adapt to the country she lives in and be social. There's a big, big difference between enjoying a drink or two socially and alcoholism. Is this something you can overlook if all other things are great between you? If not, then you should break up with her and find someone as devout as you who will never bend the rules.

[michelle23]

you cannot stop her from drinking. If you dont want to drink that is fine but you dont own her. Either accept that she likes to socially drink with her friends and tell her its okay or dump her and find yourself a girl who shares the same view as you.

I get the feeling that its more about the lies than the alcohol though. If you cannot forgive her lying to you-walk away now