What should I do?

[*Bright_Eyes*]

OK I'm new on here but I really need some adive and I'm going to say sorry now for it being so long. So here goes......

Right well about a year I ended up pulling this guy in my local nightclub and we met up loads afterwards and did practically everything sexually together except full sex. Anyway I really fell for him but he didn't want to be anything more but friends. So I went to uni and got on with my life but still remained great mates with him.

Whilst at uni I met a great guy who is really kind and we get on really well and I lost my virginity to him. ( Yes I was a bit of a late starter ) We have now been going out for nearly 6 months and things were going really well between us and he made me very happy.

However I have now come home for the summer and haven't seen him for a month. At first I really missed him but then I started meeting up with my old mate and all the old feelings came flooding back. I thought I could control them until we went out one night and he ended up staying on my sofa because he couldn't get home. I was quite drunk and he ended up kissing me. He has admitted that it was all his fault and has said sorry but I feel bad because I didn't stop it and would have gone further given half the chance.

That happened a few weeks ago now and things between me and my mate are back to how they were before. I haven't told my bf as I don't see what good it would do if he knew. The problem is that now I find myself thinking about my mate more than my bf and I long to be with him. I know this won't happen and that is why I haven't followed these feelings.

I was hoping that I could just get on with my life until September when I will be back at uni with my bf and away from my mate. Trouble is my bf now wants to pay for us to go away for a weekend together and I have been totally taken over with guilt and I don't know what to do. I keep thinking that I shouldn't be with him if I feel this way about someone else but then I don't want to hurt his feelings as I care about him a lot. I know I probably shouldn't continue going out with him as I may hurt is feelings even more but I really don't know what to do.

Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated and thank you for reading through all that. I swear I could talk for England! XxX

[Cybog]

You told us your problem, now tell us what you really feel like you should do. Who do you really want to be with?

You are cheating yourself and your boyfriend the more you pine over this old flame of yours. You need to decide where your heart is.

But before you decide, just remember this - The fling could very well be just that. Just a fling. He already told you flat out he didn't want to be any more than friends.

You need to have a long hard look at yourself and decide who you really want to be with, and whether or not you are willing to go down a road that could ultimately be a painful one. None of us can make this decision for you.

[Asip4u]

Bright_Eyes, that's as good of an answer as you'll get..I totally agree with Cybog.

[Only-virgins]

did practically everything sexually together

I met a great guy who is really kind and we get on really well and I lost my virginity to him.

I dont get it. Penetration isnt the only way you lose virginity. Shit..if you roll around naked with someone your done in my book.

[shh!]

Decide who she wants to be with? The mate is not an option, so the question is whether or not she wants to keep her boyfriend.

Here's another perspective, Bright Eyes. If you are TRULY sorry about the make-out session with your mate, then don't put yourself in the position for it to happen again, and keep it to yourself. You need not make your boyfriend miserable by relieving your own guilt on the matter. Use that guilt to motivate better behavior in the future. Stop seeing this mate of yours - he is too tempting for you, and it is totally normal to be strongly attracted to people other than your partner. You have to simply learn to have some self-discipline. (Not drinking alcohol will help you in this area.)

If, on the other hand, you do NOT intend to stop hanging with your mate, you probably aren't really all that sorry, and it will be only a matter of time before you drinking with him again and using alcohol as an excuse to do what you know you shouldn't be doing. In this case, I would say you probably don't love your boyfriend all that much and should let him go.

[whaywardj]

You want some advice? Okay: Stop using alcohol and not wanting to "hurt your mate's feelings" to excuse your cheating. From the sound of your post, it appears you're at risk of loving whoever happens to be in front of you most. Get a grip. Exercise some discipline. OR make it clear to all concerned you're not interested in monogamous involvements and WILL have multiple partners. If not sexually, then emotionally. That way, at least, others will have a chance to decide if they want to play with you or not, and you won't be confused about how you feel toward one or another.