just flat out confused

[Tug]

I've posted here several times about the problems I was having with my g/f and received some pretty harsh replies. All Im asking is to take it easy, Im a person and have feelings and am going through one of the most difficult times of my life

I have caught my g/f lying to me on several occasions most of the times the lies were about the time she was spending with her ex (texting , phone calls). I told her that had to make a decision let go of her relationship with her ex husband or Im gone. She said she sent him a text telling him he had to stop texting her but when I asked to see it she said she deleted it. Than I logged on to our verizon account and a text was never sent when I asked why she lied she said she wanted to call him and tell him over the phone to spare his feelings. At any rate a text was sent and everything was cool than one night he sends her a text and I was furious so I called him and basically laid into him. After a few minutes he and I started talking like we were the best of friends and I started telling him about the problems her and I were having with her "friendliness" toward other men. He said she has always been like that and she would never change and that was one of the reasons why he drank so much. He said he had absolutely no interest in her and that they were just friends and if I was smart I'd leave her and let some other SOB deal with her crap. After he and I got off the phone he called her kids and lied to them about what I said which made them made at me. In the meantime my g/f said she was upset that I called him, she said she didnt want to see him drug into the middle of our problems.

I told her she was the one that brought him into our relationship and if she was that concerned about his feelings and wanted to spare him why didnt she just let the relationship go when she divorced him. I was brought into the middle of something I wanted no part of but because she told him to stop texting and he didnt I interceded and made sure he understood that he had to let it go and move on with his life.

I went to great extremes to make sure my g/f knew about how I felt about her and she never had to worry about any other women and believe me I had my chances. While she on the other hand lied to me about the amount of time she was spending with her ex husband. I have health issues and my g/f has gone to great extremes to accommodate me which has shown me how much she loves me but the minute she leaves the house its like I dont exist and she's free to do whatever she wants completely disregarding my feelings. If she would have been honest with me than I would have had female friends who called me and sent me texts but had I she would have ended the relationship in a minute.

[lalalita]

The fact that her ex husband called her children and lied to them about what you said after your "buddy like" phone call with him makes me think he has something up his sleeve. Even if he is no longer wants to be with her (if that is even true) he may not want YOU to be with her, thus telling you to leave her and playing the friend card and "looking out for you".

If they have children together, he will probably always be in here life in some way. But, lying and going behind your back makes it smell fishy to me. I, personally, can not be involved with men who keep close relationships with their exes. I understand how this is a deal breaker for you.

[afroman]

Call up those other women you talk about and go out with them. Your gf doesn't need to know.. If she asks, tell her you're going out with the guys or you need to stay late/picked up a shift at work or any other BS she'll believe. If she calls you out on cheating tell her she's paranoid and that you love her. Tell her you forgot all about the ex husband and you love her just the way she is and to not worry about a thing

She opened up a new rule in your relationship that lying to eachother is okay. So lie away my friend! >

[michelle23]

thats really bad advice afro. maybe youd like a relationship built on lies but most of us dont. its not healthy

OP I think the answer is very simple-leave her. i would have left a long time ago.

[4 ratties]

If he's talking crap about her, why does he talk to her so much? I gurantee he's just giving u a line acting like he has no feelings but I bet he does. And she lied to you. She could of told u that she wanted to call instead of text but she didnt say that until you cornered her. I would be very insecure and not happy in this relationship with her.