He said he is not ready?!

[Tetida]

We started off as friends, and we dated for 5 moths. We had a good connection, understood each other very well and the sex was great. Since we have started seeing each other, we never defined the relationship, but after 5 months I felt my feelings getting stronger for him, and before things got more serious I wanted to know where things were going. Now, before we started dating, he told me he got out of a really bad relationship (which was about 2 years ago), and he said that he has a hard time trusting women now and he's not sure he will ever trust again, and a couple of other people confirmed that to me so I know he was not lying. So, after I asked where things were going, he told me he's not ready for a serious relationship. He told me he trusts me ( a BIG surprise for me, knowing his issues with women) but was still afraid the minute we start something serious things would go wrong. Ironically, for me it was the best relationship I was in, he was so attentive, called me every single day, made sure we saw each other regularly, took me on trips, never had a single serious fight. Anyway, I broke it off, did't take it badly, I got out in time. Since he told me he would hate to loose contact with me because he likes me very much, we agreed to stay friends. After we broke it off, in a month and a half we saw each other once (he took me to dinner) and he kept on calling me every single day, so I had to ask him to stop dong that. Now he calls me every third day. It's irritating to me, because, we had something going and I cannot switch to being friends over night. I have guy friends, very good guys friends, and they don't call me that often. I want to move on, but I don't know how to tell him to leave me alone for a while without being to direct. I too want to keep the friendship, because he is truly a great guy. I tried not answering his calls or texts right away, I would answer him the next day, but I could tell that he was kind of hurt by that. It's kind of annoying having a guy tell he's not ready and than have him keep on calling you and wanting to see you again. Usually, to me, when I guy says that he is not ready it means he is not that into you, and I took it that way when he told me that, because I am pretty sure when a guy is into someone, no matter how bad the previous relationship was, he will make an effort not to lose that woman. I might be wrong, I don't know anymore. I just don't know what to do now?!

[searock]

Tell him that you can't remain friends with each other until he stops treating you differently than he would treat any other female friend of his. He is treating you like a girl he used to date, rather than as a friend.

Unlike some other forum members, I believe in male-female friendship. I however don't believe there can be male-female friendship when romantic feelings are involved. You can at best remain friendly acquaintances... not friends (for example, I bet at least one of you would hate it if the other told you about their love conquests).

[michelle23]

I think you did the right thing breaking up with him. I cant stand people who stay stuck in the past and allow one bad experience to f**k them up for life. If he hasnt realized by now (2 years later) that not all women are bad-then the guy has issues.

Anyway I dont believe in being friends with exes. It will hold you both back from moving on so I suggest you ask him to stop contacting you and move on with your life