What Kind of Signals Am I Getting?

[ladyluck87]

This guy that I have been dating for a few weeks is confusing me at this point. We have been intimate and told me after being intimate that he would like for me to leave clothes at his house, he didn't want to share me with anyone, and that he liked me even more. Then a few days later, his phone apparently got stolen one day and he had to go retrieve it the next morning. After that, I kind of took a step back because I just don't trust people. He contacted me the next morning asking me to come to his job so that we could talk, but I was working and I told him I couldn't. He proceeded to go into this long drawn out story about what happened to his phone, but I wasn't really buying it. We texted for a while during the day and he called me that night. I missed his call and then called him back but he said he was already sleeping by then. The next morning he called me at like 8:30 and I told him I was working and couldn't talk. I gave him my office number and told him I had to go to a briefing but I would let him know when I got back. He called me that afternoon and we spoke for a few minutes. I was a little distant as the entire "stolen phone" situation wasn't sitting well with me. However that night he texted me and just said "Hey" and I responded back with "Hey" and asked him if he got the pictures that I sent him of my friends and I about to go out. He said he did and that they were beautiful. Did I take them today? I responded and "Yeah, I did. I hope you have a good night" because my phone was dying.

The next day he texted me and said Good Morning. He hoped I had a good day and it seemed like I didn't want to talk to him the night before so he left me alone. I hope you have a good day." I explained to him that my phone was dying and I was out with my friends so that's why I said good night. I told him that maybe we needed to talk face to face and see each other to talk about things perhaps. I told him I knew that he was going to spend Fathers Day with his children but to let me know when he is free. He responded and said "I will definitely let you know when I am free because I would def like to see you again." and I said "Cool. I was like you know you didn't really say much last night to respond to." and he says "I didn't want to sound excited and get shut down by you." and I said "Well, I do have trust issues and I am not mad at all, but sometimes when things don't make sense to me then I like to sit back and chill until it starts to make sense to me." and he didn't respond but he did call me later that night and we talked for about 30 minutes until his family came in the house being loud and he asked was I going to be up and I said "Good night!" lol because I know he has a habit of calling back sometimes, so I didn't wanna promise to stay up if he wasn't going to call.

The next day was Fathers Day and I wished him Happy Fathers Day and he sent one text and that was it. I responded but he didn't. Of course yesterday he initiated a Good Morning text telling me that he hoped I had a great weekend with my father and he hoped I had a wonderful day. I responded and sent him another text but no response. I know he got my texts and I know he saw them because he posted a couple of times via Instagram.

What is his deal?

[MrHV]

Well it sounds like he definitely wants to continue on with you because he has said so and expressed it clearly. It's kind of hard to tell because there a lot of factors that could be playing in. But based on what you've shared, here's my spin on things.

1) He might be a little drawn back by your upfront confession of your trust issues so
2) He is also uncomfortable with your expressed method of dealing with things when the don't make sense to you
3) He may not have told you the above, not because he doesn't want to, but because he probably doesn't know how to articulate it

So with that said, here is what I recommend:

1) Make a commitment to start getting over your trust issues (and if you do this with him and talk those issues out with him, you'll quickly see much deeper the bond between you will become)
2) Make this commitment known to him and ask him if he'd like to accompany you through that journey
3) Let him know that he should communicate what he is feeling, even if he cannot articulate it in the best manner (but don't get mad or offended if he is brass due to lack of development)

Hope this was helpful for you.

[ladyluck87]

Well it sounds like he definitely wants to continue on with you because he has said so and expressed it clearly. It's kind of hard to tell because there a lot of factors that could be playing in. But based on what you've shared, here's my spin on things.

1) He might be a little drawn back by your upfront confession of your trust issues so
2) He is also uncomfortable with your expressed method of dealing with things when the don't make sense to you
3) He may not have told you the above, not because he doesn't want to, but because he probably doesn't know how to articulate it

So with that said, here is what I recommend:

1) Make a commitment to start getting over your trust issues (and if you do this with him and talk those issues out with him, you'll quickly see much deeper the bond between you will become)
2) Make this commitment known to him and ask him if he'd like to accompany you through that journey
3) Let him know that he should communicate what he is feeling, even if he cannot articulate it in the best manner (but don't get mad or offended if he is brass due to lack of development)

Hope this was helpful for you.

Here is a response from someone else. LOL. "He's being sneaky, suspects you know something, doesn't want to cut you loose, afraid you'll say bye bye when you sit and speak to him. He's running out of excuses and decided to let them "magically" come to mind, decided to keep the conversation to a minimum until they do. Most likely is involved with someone else and decided he'd spread himself in her direction for a little while, but drop you texts to let you know he's still around and thinking about you. I'm in full agreement with you on this one! He's shady and under handed and I suggest you just use caution until he proves different. Good luck"

I don't know if this person is dead on the money or seriously burned, but it gives me something to think about...I guess. Lol.

You're right, but I had to be honest in telling him that I have trust issues though. I have given him a small synopsis of my previous relationship, so I really am trying to protect myself although I do really like him. I am not really sure how to communicate anything if he isn't responding at this point. I texted him twice even after I responded and he still didn't respond to me.

[basilandthyme]

Ladyluck, you mentioned in another post that you believe he's not over his ex. To be honest, if you've got these trust issues, then you're not ready to date either.

Cut him loose and work on your own issues. When you've dealt with the trust issues, you'll be able to take a clearer view of relationships.

[smackie9]

OMG really? You are bent out of shape because he didn't respond to a couple of texts? Girl if you keep this up, you are going to find yourself to be alone....a lot. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill IMO. If you are THAT insecure...maybe it's best for you not be in a relationship if a simple thing like this eating you alive......Like basil said you got to work on those trust issues before you can take on any relationship.

[lalalita]

If you gut tells you something isn't right, it usually isn't. If you're put off by his "stolen phone" story, there's probably good reason.

[ladyluck87]

Well most certainly with the phone situation; you're right. However, I don't know that trust issues are the issue when a man says something about not wanting his children's parent "right now". However, I agree completely with you.

[ladyluck87]

OMG really? You are bent out of shape because he didn't respond to a couple of texts? Girl if you keep this up, you are going to find yourself to be alone....a lot. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill IMO. If you are THAT insecure...maybe it's best for you not be in a relationship if a simple thing like this eating you alive......Like basil said you got to work on those trust issues before you can take on any relationship.

Yeah, I mean I called him yesterday afternoon and we talked for a long time. I'm gonna end it with him the next time we talk.