Is he cheating with my friend?

[missdt]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. It has been long distance for most of it (I am Italian Canadian I live in Madrid. He is Italian, he lives in Paris). We met in Paris while I was visiting a friend of mine who lives there. From there it was love and he called me all of the time, came to see me and asked me to be his girlfriend. He always had a slight wandering eye and I noticed he´d mention to his friends that I had an "attractive friend in Paris". I had no idea he thought she was so attractive. He met both of us on the same night so he could have approached her but she was speaking to another guy.

Anyway, he kept making strange remarks about her which I ignored. So I was spending a month in Paris with him last summer and I decided we should all go out and he could set her up with a friend of his. We all go out and the friend is late. So it was the three of us. MAJOR flirting was going on between the two of them. He would smile at her and her face literally turned red. She would touch his arm, and they would essentially speak french to each other even though I asked them to speak English. They went off for 20 minutes speaking alone in french. Finally her blind date came and they danced for a bit and had arranged to meet on a date. It never worked out with them.

I confided in bf that friend had not had sex for three years and he´d make inappropriate comments like he could not believe how SHE could not have had sex for three years. He continued saying he wanted to help her and what type of a friend was I not helping her?

Anyway, After that night I always had a bad feeling about those two. They work just across the street from one another as engineers. I know that they could have run into one another even though Paris is big. I saw her 2 months ago as she came to visit me and she refused to discuss my bf. She did not want to talk about him at all and was really angry with me the entire time.

She has always been extremely competitive with me. I usually got more attention than her with guys and I´ve always had serious relationships. She has always tried to flirt with guys in the past, the only difference was no one gave her the time of day. She also had slept with a married man in the past so..let´s say her conscience isn´t her best attribute.

While my friend was visiting me, she met a guy in Madrid and she decided she too wanted to engage in the back and forth Madrid and Paris deal.
She invited the guy to Paris and the other weekend, while my bf was coming to see me, they were on the same flight. She did not say they were, she just texted me RANDOMLY as I haven´t heard from her in months and said "hey, i´m coming to Madrid I´m at the airport so excited!" I knew that she must´ve seen my bf in order to write that to me.

he said that he saw her from afar but they never spoke on the plane.

He gets out of the plane and the first thing he said was "let´s go". i told him no I wanted to wait for her and see them together I joked.
He and her saw each other, she practically ignored him, we all made small talk and went our ways. My bf was so furious after this ordeal. I asked what his problem was, and he said I was ridiculous. I asked perhaps it was him seeing her with another guy? He went so crazy on me he started calling me stupid in the metro.

My friend returned to Paris on Tuesday, my bf on Sunday. Today my bf called me this mornign and he seemed a bit strange. He told me "oh did u know airports yesterday in Paris were really busy because of a storm? I know this because my sister in law told me" and I thought... why did he have to tell me how he knew? he could have known it from her as she flew back on tuesday. His sis in law lives in Italy and had no reason to check Parisian flights.

He now refers to my friend, who he once loved and thought so well of, like garbage, she´s trash,etc.. and again as I said she refuses to talk about him unless there is any news about our future.

Let me first say that he also kissed another girl while on vacation last summer and also saw an ex behind my back. This was all a year ago though and yes we were exclusive but I can´t shake the bad feeling about these two.

Also, I saw on his phone once (yes I know its bad) that he deleted all of the messages from him and his friend (the one he once set her up with).

Tell me if I´m nuts or reasonable here.

[michelle23]

You are an idiot. Sorry to be blunt. But why the heck are you still with this guy? He kissed another girl a year ago and went on a date behind your back? Why didnt you dump him then? or why didnt you dump him the day he disrespected you by flirting with your friend for 20 minutes? And why do you even want a long distant relationship?

if your so "popular" and get lots of attention and have been in relationships before-why do you feel the need to date an untrustworthy asshole who lives in another country? You make it sound like you can have any guy you want so why are you settling for this crap?

[missdt]

I don´t really know why. I don´t mean to sound cocky or anything along those lines, I´m just explaining how she has been competitive in the past.
I was upset when he did what he did and I tried breaking up with him multiple times but he only flew here trying desperately to win me back. He has changed alot in his attitude now and his behaviour in general. I totally agree with you though, idiot is the right word. But I fell hard for him and wanted to be a better person. In my past I never could let a guy forget his mistakes so I tried being the opposite this time around. Also do not want long distance, it just happened that way and we have plans to move in together very soon.

[michelle23]

I wasnt accusing you of being cocky. Its a good thing that you know what you are worth and it is important that you do not settle for second best. You need to get this guy out of your life. He is not worth it As for never letting a guy forget his mistakes-a mistake is when he forgets to text you to say happy birthday. Cheating on you is a different story entirely and unforgivable in my opinion. Dont be a fool for him. You can do better

[Am I crazy?]

Just a thought. Your BF appears to be untrustworthy. Your friend may be completely innocent. If you asked me it almost sounds like your BF may have put the moves on your friend and she shot him down. He's angry that she denied him and is afraid that she will tell you and that is why there appears to be an avoidance. Her texts, if any that were deleted could be her just responding to his pleas to not rat him out. Her behavior around you could also be because of the same situation. Just a thought on another take on this situation. Or they could be screwing like bunnies. You best bet is to straight out ask your friend. I think she will be more likely to come clean than your boyfriend. Either way you BF sounds like an untrustworthy jerk.

[missdt]

Hey! Just to point out, my friend is not at all innocent. She loves Italian guys and the first second she saw him she tried speaking Italian. She even pushed me out of the way with her bod when the three of us were walking. She's far from innocent. When I asked if she thought he was attractive she said "why does that matter?". She was so weird with me when she came to visit. Whenever he called shed be practically screaming in the background.

[michelle23]

Ditch your friend and your bf. He sounds narcissistic to me. The fact he will do whatever it takes to keep you when you dump him but will treat you like crap otherwise. That is npd girl. Get out now

[Am I crazy?]

Your friend may have liked him but that does not mean that she slept with him. Butt.... at this point you have no idea and they could have been screwing like crazy. You need to know either way. The best advice is to straight out just ask the friend. That's the only way you will ever know for sure. If you cant get a straight answer out of either of them then Michelle is on the right track, dump them both.

[missdt]

Im sure they'd both deny it. He has. I'll never know. He hasnt been treating me like garbage...he did awful things but all since he's been great aside. from that night. It's strange that he'd be so angry with me just for wantingbro see them together no?

[michelle23]

anger, defensive is a sign of pure GUILT. You dont need proof. I dont understand why people feel like they have to have proof before they get out. Your a smart girl, just follow your instincts. You already know deep down that you cannot trust either of them. Get rid of this little boy and go an find yourself a man

[VincenzoG91]

You seem to have terrible taste in friends (and boyfriends). How do you choose them? Looks? Nice clothes? My closest friends are people that I can absolutely trust, and my other friends are at least people that I can trust to not stab me in the back.

[missdt]

You know, I met her in University and I was in a 5 year relationship at the time. She mentioned she thought that bf was hot but he and I were quite inseparable so I did not think about it. We had broken up later on and I was seeing a guy for a month or so and she was all over him any chance she got. I´ve known her for quite some time but I haven´t spent enough time with her to really understand her.
When I heard about her sleeping with a married man I asked her what she was thinking and her response was "but he didnt really love her that much, ok?"
So after, when I saw her with my bf I was not surprised on either part. She´s ridiculous and he loves attention.

As for my bf, well, love is blind I suppose.

[michelle23]

no love is not blind. you are

If love is so blind than why do only some women fall for this kinda BS? I never have

[missdt]

Is it bs? I mean, other than my obvious doubts he has been a good boyfriend, he made a christmas tree for me, we spent new years just us cozied up on the sofa, for my birthday he took me on a dinner cruise, he introduced me to his parents, we talk about 40 times a day, he flies to see me at least twice a month and we´re planning to move together this summer. He´s already bought me a french sim card, a phone and is starting to decorate the house for me. I know he did awful things but can that not be forgiven?

[michelle23]

not to me it cant. love is nothing without trust and a cheat is worse than killing someone in my eyes. It may seem crazy but if my bf killed a man in self defense-Id be much more likely to forgive him even if he went to prison for a few years than I would if he cheated on me once and I wouldnt give a crap if he was perfect in every other way. Its a lie-hes pretending to be the perfect partner but hes not coz he is lying to you and cheating on you.